The Best Disguise For Shame
by LovlyRita
Summary: This is the story of Severus Snape, a man tortured by his demons, surrounded by the darkness his Slytherin Brethren bestowed upon him, but enticed by the light of true, young love. How did Severus Snape become the professor, death eater, man, he is?
1. The Beginning of All Things

Atop a hill in England, there was a small cottage obscured by tall, full, fir trees. Inside the three room cottage was a fire crackling merrily in the kitchen and a very pregnant woman stirring a pot of stew. She smiled to herself as she turned her wooden spoon twice clockwise, and twice counterclockwise. It would take some getting used to. She wasn't accustomed to cooking a slow simmering dish by her hands and her knowledge of the kitchen alone. Her husband would be home any time, and then the two would sit down in front of their fire place, at their rickety old table, and sip the stew while chatting about his day. She wondered aloud whether or not she should whip up a quick side salad, and then decided that the stew demanded enough attention without interference from outsiders.

When she heard her husband's car pull up the drive to their warm cottage, the table had been set, and she stood waiting. He opened the door, red faced and covered in snow, and pulled her into a soft, loving kiss. It was a kiss produced by the wild, blinded love of newly weds, and then, just like she had planned, they sat down at the table in front of the fire place. She still could not get over the shock of her new married name. Her parents were not thrilled that she had taken the name of this man, this wonderful man, who could do no wrong, but she had gone against her parents wishes.

"Why?" They had asked, pleading her to reconsider. "Please think of what you are doing. Have we raised you to be a muggle lover? The shame you will bring upon this family when the news goes out. What about our family name? Our grandchildren will be filthy half bloods, and they will be laughed upon for generations to come. Do you know the hardships they will face? Of course not, for you have never had to face any hardships like these. But marrying a muggle is the absolute last thing this family needs, and if you do so, your name will be cursed in this house. We will never know your children, and you will never have our love again." But she had rebelled, and she was cut off completely from her own world. Not that it mattered to her; it was always a secret fascination of hers to live as a muggle. And here she was, with her muggle husband and her wooden spoon. She was not the most beautiful woman in the world. She had dark, full eyebrows atop eyes that were too squinty. She always gave the appearance of being disgruntled, and, most of the time she was. She was mad at the world from whence she came, and rarely even thought about it anymore. Oh, sure, her wedding announcement had been placed in their paper, but none of her relatives had shown for the wedding, none had even sent an owl of congratulations. The only person that could ease her pain was her loving husband, Tobias. He was the only person who had ever taken a true interest in her, and now she was carrying his child. Yes, here she was, Eileen Prince Snape, smiling happily in a world oblivious of her past.

A few weeks later, Eileen was lying in a hospital bed, her husband's shadow leaning over her as she cuddled her new son in her arms.

"What should we call him?" Tobias Snape asked his wife, red in the face from pushing out their creation.

"I was thinking Severus. Severus Tobias Snape. What do you think?" Tobias's eyes widened at the prospect of having a son called Severus.

"Are you sure? What about Thomas, or Anthony, or John?" He asked hopefully.

"Those are bloody common names, dear. I want my son to have a name so unique, he's the only boy in his class with it. And besides, it-it was my father's name, and, well, I would hope that someday he would want to look at the grandson that bares his name."

And so it went. The boy was called Severus, and neither of the two could be happier.

Tobias and Eileen were very proud of their son. He had a mess of black hair, and Tobias's hook nose. The hospital staff had told the proud parents that Severus was underweight by quite a bit. He was very pale, but his mother knew he was special. With any luck, he would turn out to have no magical powers, and then no one would ever have to find out that Eileen was indeed a witch. She hadn't even confided in Tobias, who though she was just as normal as the next lady on the street. No, Eileen Prince Snape was not planning on telling anyone about her special powers, or her past education at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Tobias thought that her parents refused to speak to her because his profession was not high profile, and that he didn't bring in the amount of money that Mr. Prince did, thus not being able to provide for his wife's lavish lifestyle of past. Eileen, the last of the Princes, had ruined her family's blood line, and as such was shunned from her community. She was determined to raise Severus in the dark, not letting him know of his ancestry, and with any luck, he'd grow up to be a doctor, or a lawyer, or even a school teacher. Eileen turned her head to her son, who cooed and smiled at her in the dim light of the only lamp in the house. He was tucked inside his cradle, his eye- lids heavy with exhaustion. She rocked him slowly, thinking about the wonderful man he would some day grow up to be, a man devoid of the knowledge of what he truly was.

Severus Snape sat on the front stoop of his three room cottage. His mother was in the kitchen, cooking something for dinner. He waited with baited breath for his father to come home from the factory. Severus loved his father; he told him stories before bed, and sometimes let him stay up late to watch the television. Severus was only four years old, and he kept to himself, mostly.

They lived so far away from the nearest town that there really was no one else to play with. Once every two weeks the family took a weekend day to go down to the market and buy some food, and his father always allowed him two lemon drops from the candy display. Severus loved those days because his father was home, and he followed Tobias around everywhere. He was Severus's greatest hero. At last, the tall man with dark hair and a hooknose pulled up in front of the house. Tobias drove an old clunker of a car, and he always vowed he would save up enough in earnings to buy the family a very nice car, but so far he had only managed to survive paycheck to paycheck, paying the bills and putting food on the table.

"Hullo, son," said Tobias, forcing a smile for the small boy. Severus beamed up at his father, and followed him into the house.

"Elly, dear I'm ho- what in- bloody hell- Eileen, what are you….?" But Tobias couldn't find the words to describe what his wife was doing. She had a long stick of wood, polished and dark, that almost looked like a wand, pointed at the sink where pots and pans seemingly cleaned themselves. Meanwhile, a roast, brown and sizzling, fresh from the oven, hovered mid-air, clearly on its way to the dish in the middle of the table. Eileen's mouth was agape, and she was clearly stunned.

"I-er-hello dear, I was just- is it five-thirty already? Dear me, well, I was

just-just you know…."She paused and looked helplessly and hopefully at her husband.

"What are you? Are you…are you…what…get out." He said quietly. 

Tears began to bubble out of her eyes, and she said, pleadingly, "You don't mean that. I-I can explain, I can! It's only- It's just- I-I'm a…" But how to tell someone, who has no idea that magic exists, that it does indeed exist?

"A freak? I married…I married…a…I don't even know what to call you…." And his eyes slowly turned to his son, who stood next to the door, frightened of his father for the first time in his life. "I suppose he's just as much as a freak as YOU! No son of mine…no son of mine…" And Tobias stumbled out of the house, pushing his small son to the floor as he passed. Eileen dare not move until he had exited, and then ran to her son, tears dampening her sallow cheeks.

"Oh Severus, dear, sweet Severus, it will be okay." Severus looked up at his mother with his black eyes and whispered, "Mommy? When is daddy coming back?" Eileen was wracked with fresh sobs as she looked deep in her sons eyes and said, "He'll be back in a moment, he's just gone to get some fresh air." But Tobias was not back in a moment. Nor was he back in an hour, or even a day.   
Eileen got no sleep that night, her sobs echoing throughout their small house, keeping Severus awake. Severus had no idea what to think. His father had seemingly gotten upset and left the house for no reason at all. Severus had seen his mother with the stick before; she only got it out on occasion, and only when she thought Severus was sleeping soundly for his daily nap, but he knew that his mother could do special things with the special stick. Didn't his father know? He must have. Tears began to pour out of Severus's eyes and he wished desperately for his father to come and comfort him. But he never came. And Severus spent the remainder of the night wondering how his mother could do something so awful to drive his father away.

The next day he returned, his breath stinking of alcohol. He was drunk, and Eileen realized he'd spent half of the week's check drinking his sorrows away. He collapsed on the bed, and Eileen waited patiently for him to wake up. When he did, he looked up at her, and smiled. "Eileen, dear, what's going on?" But then his face contorted in disgust as he remembered what he had seen.

"Tobias, listen to me, I beg you. I am a witch. My father is a wizard, my mother is a witch, and I am as they are. I spent my life being taught the ways of magic, and when I met you I knew my life had been wasted on things that weren't REAL to me. YOU ARE REAL TO ME. I-I only get my-my wand out when I'm running behind in my cooking, dear. And I don't use it in front of our son." Tobias listened until she had finished, and then he spoke.

"If you are a witch, and your parents were…were magic then…then Severus might be..he might be.."

"A wizard, yes, but I don't want him to be. I wish desperately every night that my son has been spared from the magical life. OUR son. You know me,

Tobias. You know who I am, you know I love you more than anything. Please don't let this ruin us. PLEASE forgive me for what I am." He stared at her, not daring to move or blink, his breath shallow. "I cannot live without you,"  
she pleaded.

"Very well. I shall not leave this house, or our son. But don't think for one minute that I will still love you after this." He took his hand, raised it, and smacked Eileen across her face. She landed on the floor with a thud, revealing Severus standing behind her, witnessing the whole thing. "A witch, huh? Too right you are. If a witch is what you are, then a witch is how you'll be treated." And he stalked out of the room, leaving Severus to wipe the blood that was trickling from his mother's mouth.


	2. Destiny's Perfect Son

And so it was. Eileen Snape lived as her husband's slave. There was never to be magic in the house, and using words pertaining to that world were banned. Eileen thought of running away, but she couldn't because she knew that the man underneath this hardened exterior was inherently good, and that someday he'd realize that it had all been a mistake, and he would come back to her. Tobias began to have illicit affairs with other women, sometimes never coming home at night. And Severus Snape grew to loathe the man he once saw as a hero. He often wondered if he did possess the same magical gift as his mother. He hoped so; it would just make his father angrier, and then maybe Severus could Abracadabra him into the next country. 

Severus already knew some words that his mother said to make things happened. When the light bulb inside the lamp went out, his mother always said "lumos" to make the wand tip glow. Severus had tried using this word once when his mother was sleeping, but to no avail. His mother had changed her mind about Severus not wanting to be a wizard. She had once told him, "If you are than you are. I will always be proud of you, no matter what you are. You will always be my Severus." When Severus asked about his grandparents and why he didn't have any, his mother told him, "You are better off without them."

When it was time for Severus to start primary school, his mother decided it would be better off to home school him. Money was still tight, and Tobias was barely providing for the family he had left. His mother found work as a seamstress, and although she was not very good by hand, she was able to bring the work home, use magic to finish the job, and tutor Severus all at the same time. When his father came home, Severus ran to hide underneath his bed, because he knew this was not good. On more than one occasion, his father would lay his hands on his mother and try to rip her clothes off, forcing her to do things she did not want to do, or he would just scream and hit her. Severus had witnessed these things before, standing and crying in the corner, his black hair matted to his forehead, while his father screamed at his mother.

"Why don't you go back to where you came from? You're a filthy nasty witch, why don't you do some magic and show me how talented you are. I can't believe I married the bane of human existence. I'm sure our little lump of a son is all powerful."

It was always the same argument, and always, he brought Severus into the mix. Some days, Severus would try to stand up to his father, and his punishment was a bloody nose, bruises, or even unconsciousness. But one time, Severus did more than stand in the corner and cry, or hide beneath his bed. He was eight years old, and his father started the same routine. As his father raised his hand to hit Eileen, Severus darted in front of her.

"LEAVE MY MOTHER ALONE!!!" he spat as loudly as he could, and his father flew backwards, across the room, and hit his back hard against the wall. Slowly his father stood up, shaking his head, and glared at his son.

"Is that how you treat your father, the man who gave you LIFE?" he roared. "Why are you defending her, she is weak, weary, she is not strong. I hardly doubt she loves you, too much love for her own needs," he yelled. Severus reached into the back pocket of his paper thin, worn out trousers and brandished his mother's wand. He pointed it right at his Father's head.

"I have dealt with you for too long," he said quietly, walking quickly toward his father until he was inches away from his face. "Leave, or I will kill you. I WILL KILL YOU. NEVER come here again, or you will be DEAD! And I swear to God someday you will be."

And with that, the door swung open, and his father went flying out the door, landing head first on the stoop on which Severus had always waited for him when he was younger. At that moment, Severus knew that he would never trust another person that was not of magical descent. He was set on becoming a wizard, and nothing was going to stop him.

"SEVERUS!" his mother cried. "Severus, what have you DONE!" She sobbed to herself quietly, and then said, "You shouldn't have done that. He'll never come back, what will we do?"

Severus walked quietly toward his mother, loathing the fact that she still had feelings for the horrible person that was his father.

"Never- touch – mommy's- wand," she gasped, snatching it back from her son. Severus, thoroughly disgusted, ran out of the house and into the woods, where he spent the rest of the day wondering when he could get away from this house.

When he turned ten, he knew indeed that he had inherited his mother's magical powers. He learned that he was a half blood wizard, and he even saw his grandparents for the first time. Severus quickly picked up that they were not too keen to see him, as he looked too much like his filthy muggle father, and so one meeting was enough. His mother never quite recovered from the loss of his father, who never returned to the small cottage. She would never love another man, but other than that she was seemingly back to normal. She loved Severus deeply, but looking at him proved to be a task because she could see Tobias's black eyes staring back at her.

On the day Severus received his letter from Hogwarts, his mother seemed to be pleased. "Wonderful!" she exclaimed, attempting happiness for her only son. "Not much has changed since I was there."

While his mother was sleeping, which was quite often because of the bouts of depression that hit her, he would slither into her closet and get out her old books. His two favorite were Advanced Potion-Making and An Informed Look into the Depths of Dark Arts. He had sworn to himself to memorize every curse in the book so that if his father ever came back, Severus would be ready. No one was going to hurt him, or his mother, even if she was a useless lump.

Severus's first trip into the wizarding world was Diagon Alley. His mother took him by way of Floo Powder, something Severus had never heard of. She explained to him how it worked.

"Just take a handful of this green powder, wait until the flames turn an emerald color, step in, and say very clearly, 'Diagon Alley!'"

She had made him practice with her a few times, and Severus was humiliated at how childish his mother thought him to be. He went first, dropping the dust into the flames, and proclaiming quite loudly, "Diagon Alley!"

He felt the room begin to spin as his body was lifted upward and into some kind of unpleasant limbo. A few moments later, Severus fell out of the fireplace quite ungracefully. His mother was right behind him, dusting the ash off herself.

"Come now, let's get going, we have a lot to do." They stepped out into the open air, and Severus gaped with wonder at this place.

"This," said his mother, a sullen, distant look on her face, "is Diagon Alley. We'll be purchasing all of your supplies here, but first we need to stop at Gringott's to remove some money from my vault."

She took his hand, much to Severus's disgust, and led him through the alley. Upon arriving at the bank, his mother began to talk to the strangest creatures Severus had ever laid eyes on.

"Goblins," she had told him.

She showed the goblin her key and then they were whisked away to his mother's vault. Inside, there was a small stack of gold coins, a slightly larger stack of silver, and the smallest amount of coins were bronze.

"This is all the wizard money I have left to my name. We will use it to buy your first year supplies." Severus nodded.

He wasn't sure how much money was there, but it was more than he had ever seen. By the look on his mother's sullen face, however, he knew that the money there was hardly enough to live off of for three months. His mother took the lot, and then they took their business to the bookstore, Flourish and Blotts. Severus bought all his books second hand, but this was alright with him. He'd never owned his own books before. They went on, buying a cauldron and some potion ingredients. Severus was not especially interested in his school supplies.

His attention was distracted because of all the curious people walking around. Everyone in Diagon Alley seemed to be wearing robes of many different colors. This, he supposed, was the norm for witches and wizards. About ten minutes after wondering, Severus was being measured for his own set of robes. He liked them. They made him feel dignified, and they set him apart from everyone else in the world he used to call home. No, he was in his world now. Severus had never questioned which world he was truly a part of. He was a wizard at heart, even if he wasn't pure blood. No one had to know about the part of his genes that made him want to be sick every time he thought about it. His father died a long time ago. He had already crafted the story, a year after his father had left them. His father was French, or Spanish, or American, and he had to return to his home country one night when Severus was small, and he had never returned. Yes, then they wouldn't know that Snape was just a dirty commoner name that he had inherited. He once asked his mother if he could change his name to Prince so he would never have to look at the name again, but his mother had quieted that idea very quickly.

"Be proud of who you are. You are a half blood wizard, but even half bloods can be more powerful than all the purebloods in the world."

Severus thought that this was a clever disguise for his mother's distaste for the name "Prince."

"Excuse me, could you please lower your arm a bit?" The woman fitting him for his robes asked, and he obliged, clearly still lost in his thoughts.

Severus stared out the shop window and saw a group of young wizards gazing into a shop that held the latest model of racing broom. Flying brooms, now that would take some getting used to as well. Severus had never seen anyone actually ride a broom before, but he couldn't wait to try himself. Down the street some witches around his age were staring wide eyed at all the buildings. When Severus was finished with his fitting, he tugged on his mother sleeve and asked to explore a bit. He wished to meet someone like himself. Eileen had smiled at her son, and told him to wait outside the shop for her to finish paying. Severus took the opportunity to sneak a peek across the street at the broom shop. He overheard some voices talking excitedly about the broom in the window.

"A Cleansweep! It's a new brand, I heard it's the fastest broom around, and father told me he'd pay top dollar for it!" A blonde boy a few years older than Severus was saying loudly, as if to let everyone know that his father had enough money to pay for such a fantastic new item. Severus felt a pang of envy, and he knew that he wished to switch places with that boy. He was clearly someone who had been brought up in the world to which Severus was trying so desperately to cling.

"Ready? We're almost done, all we need is to stop at Ollivander's to get your wand."

Severus felt his stomach leap. His own wand. No more sneaking into mother's bedside drawer to try her wand out. The walked into the shop, conversed briefly with Mr. Ollivander, and soon Severus Snape had finally seen his dream come true.

"Birch, 10 ¼ inches, Unicorn Tail Hair core. Very flexible." 

Severus swished his wand, happy for the first time in seven years. His mother smiled weakly, paid for the wand, and then they left Diagon Alley. His mother only had a handful of money left, but Severus was set to start a new life with people like him, people who weren't repulsed by his sight because of his uncanny resemblance to his filthy muggle father.


	3. About A Boy

During the last remaining month of summer, Severus studied his mother's old school books. He finally admitted to his mother why he had been locked secretly in his bedroom for so many days at a time.

"Why is it that you have a book about the so called Dark Arts?" Severus asked. He sat for more than two minutes, intently waiting for his mother's answer. She took her time with thought before she replied.

"Sometimes, in order to have a full knowledge of the ways of the world, one must study the views opposing ones own to have an advantage. The book you have been reading behind my back is full of dark magic, dark secrets, and things no eleven year old should be reading."

"But why, mother? Who gave you this book?"

"My father did. He always had a fascination for these arts, and he told me what I am telling you now, except I was of age, and I knew the difference between what is right and what is wrong. The things inside that book can turn a person's soul so black that seeing anything else other than their own selfish needs would be impossible. You are too young to understand." But Severus was not too young to understand, and he ran to his room, locked himself in against his mother's wishes, and began to look at the book with a whole new light. The things that were in this book, not normal wizards knew. This….this information was different, he could be the only person in the school with the knowledge in this book. Surely people would be running to know him, to be his friend with the knowledge he possessed. Severus had never had a friend. He had barely had contact outside his mother and father. How he longed to be free of this house, to laugh like a normal person…a normal wizard. Oh, and he would. Hogwarts had no idea what was coming to them.

Severus awoke with a start, his pajamas soaked in sweat. He felt gross, breathing heavily in the inky blackness of the Slytherin dormitory. His fellow fourth year Slytherins were sleeping soundly around him. He quietly got up and walked down to the common room. It was empty; the fire that had burnt brightly so many hours ago was nothing more than smoldering ash. Severus liked this time of the night; he was used to being alone for so many years, and now it seemed as if he was never alone. He lowered himself down in one of the soft chairs, right across from a mirror. Severus was tall and lanky. He had his father's long hooked nose, and what appeared to be eyes as black as his long, stringy hair. Severus's favorite part of his appearance- the only part that was mildly decent- were his eyes. Around his pupils there were flecks of a lighter brown color, but it was difficult to see unless very close. And, since no one had bothered to be close to him, no one really knew that his eyes were anything but charcoal black. He sighed as he glanced at his sullen appearance and brought his hand to his face to wipe off the excess perspiration. As if his skin didn't give him enough problems already. It was always so greasy, no matter how many times Severus washed his hair or his face, it was always disgusting by the end of the day. Apparently, to some students at Hogwarts, this was enough to condemn Severus to a life of torture. And so it had been, from the moment he had walked into potions the first day of class. He remembered it clearly, that stupid Potter with the smirk on his face and that damned Sirius Black, always playing the fool. Severus sneered as he turned his mind around the numerous things he'd been called.

James Potter and Sirius Black were two Gryffindor students who had pledged themselves to making Severus's life a living hell. And they did. Every single day it was a battle for Severus not to break out every curse he knew on them. When he'd just started Hogwarts, Severus had just taken everything thrown at him. He hadn't fought back, hadn't known who to blame. At first he thought that he'd just deserved it. Yes, he'd had it coming to him, all this torture. He did, after all, have a muggle for a father, and a mother who was so caught up in her own sorrows that she'd ignored him for most of his later childhood. But after months and months of strange things turning up in his cauldron in potions he knew he didn't put in there, and bad potion grades because of it, it had been too much. Too long had he had spells pointed at him behind his back while he was walking in the corridors between classes. He'd been tripped, poked, verbally abused, and everything else. Surely this was enough punishment for his poor upbringing? Would it ever stop? And so, one day, as a second year, when Potter had leaned over in potions to stick some foreign object into his softly simmering creation, Severus had seen him coming. Wand in hand, he muttered an incantation that made Potter's body freeze, his eyes wide in surprise. If it had been any other teacher, Severus probably would have had detention for a week, but since it was professor Slughorn, head of Slytherin house, he merely got a disapproving glance. Potter was up in no time, a scowl across his usually smiling, arrogant face. Since that time, Potter and Black, along with their groupies Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, had been Severus's bitterest of enemies. But, where Severus foul enemies, he also had some very appealing allies.

Lucius Malfoy, a seventh year Slytherin, had the same views as Severus on many things. He hated muggles, and he was proud to be from a pure blood family. Of course, Severus wasn't pure blood, but did Malfoy need to know? And he had such a group surrounding him all the time. He was James Potter's exact opposite. Malfoy taught Severus everything he knew about wizarding culture. Through Malfoy, Severus was able to meet people from every year at Hogwarts, including two imbeciles named Crabbe and Goyle, Regulus Black, brother of the infamous Sirius, Bellatrix Black, his cousin, and her sister, the lovely Narcissa Black. Severus's heart leapt at the though of her. She was tall and blonde, the most gorgeous person Severus had ever laid eyes on. Narcissa Black was poster child for all things beautiful and pure. But, as Severus had found out long ago, she was Malfoy's girl. If he were to ever find out the feelings Severus held deep in his heart, he was sure that Malfoy would kill him without a second thought. Literally, he would use the killing curse to make sure that Severus never took another breath. Therefore Severus kept his emotion locked inside himself. Feelings were not an option for him. He would be cold, stay cold, and never, ever, let anyone know what he was thinking.

The room was pitch black now, and Severus guessed the time was around 3:30. It was January 9th, his birthday. He was completely sure that he'd get no presents, just like every year, but if he was lucky, maybe Potter would spare him the torment. He was like an annoying fly that would never go away. Severus sighed and decided that he should try to go back to sleep. He snuck back up into his dormitory. Fifteen years old. Two more years and he'd be of age. It was a glorious thought- to be able to use magic outside of school, to be able to apparate and dissapparate instead of using that cursed floo powder, or worse, riding a broom. Flying was not exactly Severus specialty, as he'd learned all too soon in his first flying lesson. The minute he'd kicked off the ground, instead of hovering like all the other students, his broom had wobbled back and forth before he'd fallen down. Wild laughter had ensued at his expense, and he'd wanted to cry right there. But eleven year olds don't cry. And so, with a scowl on his face, he'd gotten up, spat some stupid excuse about losing his balance, and glared at the girl next to him who was still laughing. After flying lessons had ended, he'd never had a desire to pick up another broom again. This was all for the better as he didn't find the sport of Quidditch particularly breathtaking, although the rest of the school seemed to be completely absorbed with it. He put up with it because Malfoy was on the house team, but he always snuck books into the matches to keep himself occupied. Truth be told, Severus was a loner. Yes, he had allies, acquaintances. But he did not have a true friend. He kept to himself most of the time, and if anyone tried to say something, it was probably an insult, so he sneered, frowned, or ignored the "attacker." This was, in Severus's opinion, the best way to live.

Severus slid under his covers and tried to fall back asleep. But, through all the random thoughts he'd been thinking tonight, one stuck out above all the rest- Narcissa. Wracked with guilt, he turned over and stared across the room. Sweet Narcissa. He closed his eyes and attempted sleep again, thoughts of her lips dancing across his skin the only happy thought in a barrel of dismal memories.

When dawn finally emerged, Severus woke up, showered, and made his way down to the Great Hall alone. He took a seat at the long Slytherin table and began to eat porridge. Around him everyone was chatting about the morning's classes, or about the fresh snow that had fallen that night. No one came to wish him a happy birthday, not that he expected it. He doubted anyone knew it was his birthday anyway. He ate silently, peacefully, uninterrupted. He heard Malfoy and the rest of the lot come and sit somewhere around him, but they didn't really talk to him unless he made the first motion. He knew that he could talk to them if he wanted to, but the conversation would merely consist of how much the group as a whole hated mudbloods, and how they wished there was something they could do about their infestation of a fine school like Hogwarts. While all that talk was exciting to Severus, sometimes it was just best to keep quiet and observe. He could hear the mindless chatter of younger Slytherins and decided it was best to listen to Malfoy's conversation.

"-and then I snuck out after dark to make sure my plan was carried out. Of course that stupid mudblood Montrean followed my plan exactly, and now he's in detention for a month!" The group laughed loudly as though it was the funniest, most original thing they'd ever heard. The problem for Severus was, however, that he pulled the same stunt on unsuspecting second and third years at least twice a month. It was funny the first time, even the second and third time, but then it just got boring. But who would suspect Malfoy of such ill behavior? He was, afterall, a prefect, and his family was well respected in the wizard community. His father had some high ranking job at the ministry, and Lucius Malfoy was practically royalty. Good blood, all the money that he could ever desire. That's what Severus wished desperately he had. Perhaps these were poor reasons to idolize someone, but Severus was desperate for a social life. He heard bits and pieces of the rest of the conversation, but his eyes wandered toward the door. There they were, Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew, laughing and talking, probably recalling the prank they'd pulled on an unsuspecting Slytherin second year. Or, perhaps, talking about the prank they'd pulled on Severus yesterday. Whatever it was, they seemed to be having a good time. Not far behind them was Lily Evans and her group of Gryffindor girls. Lily was a mudblood, and everyone knew that James fancied her, but Lily was somewhat of a soft spot for Severus. He had vowed to hate all muggle borns from the minute his father had given him a black eye, but Lily seemed to be different. He would never break face infront of any breathing creature, and he certainly didn't think her half the woman that Narcissa was…..but she was very beautiful with her sleek red hair and her emerald eyes. And, to seal the deal, she had an infamous loathing of the boy who pined for her. Oh, she hated James Potter, and every time Severus witnessed an exchange between them, his heart swelled with happiness. Yes, yes, let him suffer for being the greatest prat Britain has ever known.

Breaking his thoughts was the owl post, swooping down over the table dropping letters and packages. Severus waited for the owl with his birthday card from his mother. When it did not come, he sighed and decided that perhaps he actually was invisible. He got up from the table and sulked out of the Great hall. He saw his group of friends in front of him, and he walked a bit quicker to join up with them. They were talking in hushed voices.

"Father says that something big is going to be happening in a few months. The ministry is trying to keep all the deaths quiet, but it isn't going to last very much longer. There's been three deliberate attacks on muggles lately, and two on mudblood families. It's for the better, I think, and I support who ever is doing it," Malfoy was saying.

"They don't know who is doing it?" asked Bellatrix Black incredulously. 

"No, but whoever it is, it's pretty bad news for his victims. I've heard he leaves a great mark in the sky when he's killed. I'll be he's looking for followers. All of the most powerful dark wizards in history had a posse to help with the dirty work. And I'm not exactly sure it would be such a bad thing to rid the world of the plague of mudbloods. I hope whoever it is comes here next."

"I'd join him," Severus said simply. Malfoy looked back, obviously not realizing Severus was among them.

"That kind of attitude would make Salazar Slytherin proud, Snape. And besides, what have we got to lose, we're not mudbloods or muggles. As soon as I leave this place, I'm going to research everything I can about this…this Dark Lord." They were at their common room now to gather their books to go to class. Severus had double herbology first with the Gryffindors. Before he parted with the group, he heard Malfoy say, "Dark times are coming. I can't wait."

Severus made his way down to the green houses. Snow frosted the ground and the trees around him, and everything sparkled in the pale sunlight. His breath hung in the air as he trudged down the deep frozen path. Suddenly, he felt his bag rip, and his quills, parchments, ink, and books spilled out all over the ground.

"Ohhh, rotten luck there, Snivellus," a familiar voice sounded from behind him.

"Late again? Oh dear me, Mr. Snape, 50 points from Slytherin!" a voice mocking Professor Sprout rang out. And there they were.

"Your hair! Look how shiny it is in the brilliant morning sun. Gee, that's even a new low for you, isn't it? It curls under all by itself, just like a woman." Severus turned to face Sirius Black and James Potter. He grabbed hold to the front of James's robes and brought him inches from his own face.

"Do you know, Potter, that with every inch of my being, with every breath of life I breathe, I straight hate you. And someday, you will pay for your insolence." He let James go and began to pick up his belongings.

"Shit, Snivelly, what the hell did you have for breakfast, Garlic and Vinegar?" The two walked away laughing. Severus finished picking up his belongings and walked briskly to the greenhouses, knowing already that he was indeed late, and that it would cost Slytherin points. As he was closing in on the green house he spotted a tawney owl coming toward him.

"Late, mother. You're late," he whispered to himself as the owl flew to him, perched himself on Severus's arm, and stuck out his leg. There wasn't a card, however, but a poorly folded letter tied to the owl's leg. He took it as the owl nipped at his finger. He opened it and began to read, but he found his eyes stuck on the first line. Happy birthday, indeed.


	4. A Birthday Fit For Darkness

_My Sweet Severus,_

I've just learned this morning that your father was killed in a car accident with his dirty slut of a girlfriend and their little girl named Anna. I only just found out, I don't know how to move, how to breathe…..The funeral is in three days, I'll be by to get you tomorrow evening after your classes. I know it comes as a shock to you to know that your father had moved on with his life, but do not hold that against him. I understand that you will be upset as you loved your father. I loved him more than my own life, and I am now dazed inside my thoughts. Be strong through this rough time. I love you, sweet sweet Severus.

Mother  
P.S. Happy Birthday. 

Severus's breath caught in his throat. Anna? He had a step sister named Anna? Well….not anymore. Pity the first time that he would meet her would be at her funeral. And his father. His no good, self righteous, back stabbing son of a bitch of a father. His mother was clearly a wreck from the news. Severus doubted that she'd ever be the same again. And his father. Severus's thoughts began to betray him as he remembered the precious seconds before his father had found out the truth. He'd been Severus's idol. A shining star among dingy blackness. And then the star had fallen, and now he was dead. Severus's only regret was that he hadn't been the one to finish his life like he'd so desperately dreamed of. He dragged his bag over to a cold, snow covered stump and sat down to revel in this new information. He felt some kind of emotion welling up inside him, but he pushed it down. He was not going to shed a tear for his father. Severus put his head in his hands. Stupid bastard. Hate and anger were replacing the sorrow he had felt immediately. Yes, he deserved this fate. What an insolent prat. Severus was frowning so deeply he wasn't sure if he'd ever smile again. He had been staring at the ground for more than ten minutes when a soft voice asked politely, "Are you okay?" He looked up into striking green eyes.

"I-I…I don't need any help from you," He said sourly, his pale cheeks warming with embarrassment.

"It might help to talk, you know." He stared at her. Most people might give up with his hateful tone, but she pressed on. "You look very upset, I'm a good listener."

"M-my father…..why do you want to talk to me?" He asked, still incredulous.

"What about your father?"

"Well, he's died, and I guess-"

"I'm so sorry. You must be very very upset," said Lily Evans, staring at him with compassion in her eyes. "Would you like me to walk you back to the castle? Perhaps you could talk to a professor? I know you're supposed to be in Herbology. I've only stepped out to deliver a message to Professor McGonagall." He looked at her, his eyes softening, although his head tried to think up the most threatening, mean hearted thing he could say to her.

"I-" but his response was cut off by the distant yelling of that wretched voice.

"Evans! Hey Evans, what-" James Potter spotted the two together. "What's he said to you? I suppose it's been something awful, coming from old Snivelly here." He was clearly jealous of the time she'd just spent talking with him. "Hey, what's that?" He snatched Severus's letter before he could stop him. He was vulnerable at this moment; he'd almost given into that mudblood Evan's suggestion that he accompany her to the castle. 

"GIVE IT BACK!" Severus roared, summoning the paper. It flew out of Potter's hand before he had time to read it.

"You stay away from the fair Evans, you hear me you greasy git? She's coming with me to Hogsmeade next weekend, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not, Potter, and it'd do you some good to learn to hold your tongue." Potter appeared to be stung from the remark, but only for a few moments.

"Right, well, you'll change your mind I'm sure." Sirius Black and Remus Lupin strolled up to the scene, Black ready for action.

"See ya around, Snivellus." Severus squinted his eyes in disgust, and sent a curse Potter's way. It was not a nice curse, something that would hurt him if it had hit him, but it missed by inches, hitting a nearby tree instead. Potter turned around and shot something at him that hit Severus squarely in the chest. He suddenly felt extremely sick to his stomach and vomited. He could hear echoes of the boys' laughter as Severus continued to be sick. It was some type of vomiting hex, and Severus spent the rest of his birthday in the infirmary, trying to sleep off the hex. 

After his classes the following day, Severus packed a few personal effects and then made his way to the front of the castle. On his way he ran into the headmaster, Dumbledore.

"Severus, I want you to know how sorry I am that your father has passed on. Please come to me in the future if there is anything you wish to talk about, I will try to help you as best I can." He smiled a very warm smile, his eyes sparkling behind his half moon spectacles.

"Thank you, Headmaster, sir." He attempted a feeble smile, and then proceeded to the castle grounds to meet his mother.

She was standing there, all alone, tears streaking her long, sunken face.   
"Severus!" She cried, running to him. He stood, ready for the rib crunching hug his mother was about to give him. It was obvious she was plagued by grief.

"Come, we must go." She had arranged with the ministry a portkey to take them back to his childhood home. The minute he set foot in the house, sour memories flooded him. The notes that he sent his mother monthly were taped all over the walls, and by the state of them his mother had memorized them. The minute he got home he went to his room and locked his door. His bed was still unmade. He'd stayed at Hogwarts for the Christmas holidays, and so his bed hadn't been touched since summer holidays. He dropped onto it. He was too tall for the small bed now, and his feet flopped off the side. It was still early in the evening, but Severus was mentally exhausted and soon fell into a fitful sleep.

The next day passed slowly. His father's funeral was tomorrow, and Severus had tried to prepare himself. He hoped he wouldn't have to speak. His father's funeral, along with his…daughter….and his woman friend, would be held together. He was not sure how his mother was going to handle it. She claimed that she was only going for Severus, but it was quite clear that she was going for herself. Severus could care less whether or not he attended his father's funeral. He was merely going to support his mother, whom he loved very much. She was the most pathetic woman he'd ever known, but he was her only family and he loved her deeply.

The next morning, Eileen Snape had to beg her son not to dress in wizard's robes.

"Please, dear, please wear this suit. You'll look so handsome. And- do try to do something with your hair." He scowled at her. He wasn't entirely sure who she was trying to impress. The suit she had once had belonged to his father, and it was old and shabby, much like his wizard's robes. He hated simple muggle clothing, hated anything to do with his father, but he did as he was told.

Tobias Snape's funeral was being held two towns away. They had no way to get there except by broom. Severus didn't own his own broom, so he had to ride on the back of his mother's. She used a disillusionment charm to hide them. He was absolutely horrified to have to ride on the back of her broom. He almost didn't fit, and he was quite sure that it would be too much weight. However his mother was skin and bones and Severus was too thin, so it worked out fine.

They flew for about thirty minutes. The sky was bright blue, hardly the appropriate weather for a funeral. They stopped outside the small town and walked the rest of the way. His mother hid her broom in some brush. She had cried the whole way there, cried on the walk to the funeral home, and cried through the whole funeral. The Chapel was very small, but it was packed. About one hundred mourners had come to the funeral, including what Severus believed to be his grandparents, whom he had never met. The walls were a drab brown and the chairs were hard. The building was stuffy. Three black caskets lines the front, one of them visibly smaller than the others. That must be Anna. Flowers were stuck strategically throughout the room. Such nice memories were recalled about his father during the service. He had been captain of his high school football team, and had dreams of playing pro. Severus had never known this about his father, not that it changed his opinion. The fact that he had a son was largely ignored. They talked about his beautiful daughter Anna, but the son who bore his appearance was ignored. He doubted that his father's grieving parents had any idea that he had a son, or perhaps even a wife. The funeral was too long for Severus's mind. He started thinking about his studies and what he was missing in his classes. That was the only place where Severus felt normal, or even superior. No one could ignore it, even those prats Potter and Black. Severus was the brightest wizard in his year, there was no doubt about it.

While he had been lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize that some of the people inside the chapel seemed to be staring at him. Of course, he knew why. He appeared to be a walking, talking, dead man. No, not Tobias here, just Severus. Just stupid, no good Severus, the boy who would never make his father happy.

Severus clutched a flower as his father's casket was lowered to the ground. Beside him was his girlfriend, Julia, and beside her, their daughter, beloved Anna. It really was a sad sight. People were gathered all around the graves, tossing their flowers. Severus put his flower on Julia's casket. He wasn't about to show his father any kind of respect. He turned around, and left in the middle of the service. His mother's tearful stare followed him as he moved away from the grief. He could not take it anymore. He walked to the hiding place of the broom and waited for his mother. When she returned, he rode home in silence, barricading himself in his room until the early evening hours.

That evening, he snuck out of the house, took his mother's broom, and flew back to the place where his father rested. He stopped, fell to his knees, and wept bitter tears in the graveyard at night. He looked up to the stars and screamed back into the ground, "You son of a BITCH!!!" He screamed at the freshly turned earth. "You-you bastard!!!! I HATE YOU! DAMNIT!" He swore loudly. "You've gone and got yourself killed before I could do anything about it. You did it on PURPOSE!!!!" Severus raised his wand and pointed at the ground. He wanted to hurt himself, hurt anyone around him. But there was no one, so he pointed his wand at the ground and muttered the worst thing he could think of.

"Avada Kedavra," he whispered. It was the first time he had ever spoken the words of the killing curse. Nothing happened. Severus's cheeks were wet with fury. "AVADA KEDAVRA!!!" He screamed with conviction. A green light shot at the end of his wand, hitting the ground the place where his father lay. It melted the snow around the grave. "I hate you," he whispered.

From that moment on, he never spoke of his father again. He never wanted to. He climbed back on the broom, and sped away into the night sky.

The bitter winter turned into spring, and exams advanced upon the students at Hogwarts. Severus spent many hours in the library, keeping to himself. He read and recorded notes, attended classes, and stayed very quiet. He continued to listen to Malfoy's ramblings about joining up with this new, so called "Dark Lord." He, along with Bellatrix Black, Crabbe, and Goyle were due to graduate at the end of the term. While he would miss the communication, Severus wasn't exactly sad to see them go. He often felt obligated to talk to them, mumbling agreement where he thought necessary.

Sirius Black and James Potter seemed to become more arrogant as time went on. During one infamous Defense Against the Dark Arts class, Potter somehow stole Severus's quill, replacing it with a joke one that wrote only jibber jabber. Severus was humiliated as he had to go to the front of the room to ask Professor Polvue for a quill. Ten points were taken from Slytherin for Severus's obvious lack of preparation for class. Potter and Black sniggered in the back of the class room. Remus Lupin gave Severus a sympathetic glance, as if to apologize for his friends' lack of judgment, but Severus only stared back coldly. After class, he raced back to his common room and opened his mother's book, Advanced Potion-Making. Severus had begun to scribble some of the directions for potions out and add his own notes. Clearly, the writer of this book did not carefully perform research. Severus had not made many of these potions himself, but through careful studying of other books he was able to learn more than the writer of his book. He also began to dabble with the creation of new spells. The few he'd began to work with were just minor things. The real reason he began to work with spell creation was Potter. Severus wanted to create some kind of punishment for Potter that only he knew. Something that would hurt him, something that would cause him the pain and humiliation that he caused Severus daily.

Towards the end of the term, Severus's sour moods progressed to a downright unpleasant countenance all day long. He concentrated so hard he often had to go to Madam Pomfrey for quick headache cures. Studies and exams were very important to him. His best subject by far was Defense Against the Dark Arts, followed closely by Charms and Potions. He struggled only in Divination, which he had thought about dropping. His marks had been dismal all year, and he found a hatred brewing for the petty subject. Transfiguration was good for him, although it was not his easiest feat. Severus spent a great deal of time with his nose stuck in books in the school library. On one particular study session, he noticed Potter, Black, and Pettigrew bent over at a table, perusing a seemingly very old text. He strained to hear what they were talking about, but they kept their voices to a whisper. Severus could really care less what they were talking about. Perhaps, lo and behold, they were actually studying. The problem with Black and Potter was, unfortunately, that they were both extremely bright. They received good marks without so much as turning a page in their text books. Severus had tried to do this once, but with twelve hours to go before an exam, he couldn't in good conscience go in unprepared. He had crammed quickly beforehand and pulled pretty decent marks in the transfiguration exam. Still, seeing Potter, Black, and Pettigrew in the library all at once, bent over a book, was highly suspicious. Severus decided to get up and move a little closer to try and eavesdrop. Surely they were up to no good, and if it was the last thing Severus did, he'd catch them in the act and have them expelled. Oh, if the staff knew half of the things they did they wouldn't be smiling at those two gits. Just because Potter was on the Gryffindor house Quidditch team, he seemed to think he was the hottest thing to hit the Hogwarts halls since Godric Gryffindor himself. Severus detested this most about Potter. He couldn't help but feel twinges of envy as the girls ogled over him, and he it made him absolutely livid to see the things he got away with. For only a few seconds, Severus daydreamed that he had caught Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew in the act of something so outrageous that the professors of the school had no choice but to kick them out.

"Pity you fools couldn't keep to the rules, you showed such promise. Hand in your wands, I will break them now!" And then, Dumbledore would take all four wands and break them into a thousand pieces each. "I don't know what we would have done without you Severus, such a model student! I believe that the capture of these imbeciles is fit for a Special Services to the School award, seeing how you have saved the whole student body from their mundane minds and achievements!" Severus smiled to himself.

"Hey, Snape, did you know that when you smile, it makes you twice as ugly as you normally are?" Severus turned, his gaze murderous.

"What is it you're doing there, Black? Studying for once? Wreaking havoc gotten too boring for you, has it?" Black and Potter leaned in to conceal what they were reading.

"What's it to you, Snivelly, you great ugly brute? Could you please take your abnormally large facial protrusion and stick it in someone else's business?" Potter said. Severus spotted Madam Pince, the school librarian, coming toward them, a sour look on her face, and he decided to go back to his own studies.

"Mark my words, Potter, Black, Pettigrew, I will figure out what you are doing. And when I do, I will run right to the Headmaster. I would watch your back, if I were you."

"Well you're not me, nor will you ever be, so why don't you butt out and go write your mummy." Severus's cheeks reddened and he stalked back to his table, leaving the quiet laughter behind him. 

Severus's exams came and went; he felt that he had earned good marks in all subjects, but the three invalids, with company by Lupin occasionally, began infiltrating the library daily. Severus felt robbed of a sanctuary. If he couldn't go to the library to be alone, then hope was lost.

On the last few days before returning home, Severus received a strange message during breakfast.

_Meet me by the Beech tree out by Hagrid's hut at ten thirty. I'd like a word with you._

Lily Evans. 

Severus nearly bit his tongue biting into a muffin as he read the message. Lily Evans? The redhead from Gryffindor? The only one besides himself who knew his father had died. The only person who had ever shown him real compassion at school. Lily Evans the mudblood. Severus could hardly believe what he was doing at ten twenty as he strode out into the castle grounds to meet the girl he hated to admire.


	5. Disasterous Arrival

Severus reached the Beech tree right around the time they were set to meet. Lily set underneath, smiling at him as if it were completely normal for him to meet her under the tree. She was tall with a slender face, full lips, emerald, striking green eyes, and fire red hair.

"Severus!" She said, seemingly happy to see him. 

"Hello. You wanted to see me?" He asked quietly, still not sure why he was there in the first place.

"Yes, well, I just wanted to check that you were okay. I mean, I know it's been a few months since that episode outside Herbology and all, but I wanted to make sure that everything is….okay." Severus narrowed his eyes at her. This was highly unusual.

"I'm fine," he said indignantly, horrified that anyone would think he was in need of help.

"I know that idiot Potter and Black say things that might make you upset, but you shouldn't listen to them." This was too much for him.

"Who are you to tell me how I should feel or who I should listen to? I've seen you with them before, laughing and such. How am I to be sure that you weren't joining in on their taunting of me, or even worse, taking part in one of their stupid jokes." Lily was taken aback, and she lost a bit of her composure.

"Look, I just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone. You're quite brilliant you know. I've seen you in the library, and I've watched you work in class. I thought maybe you could use some company."

"Well you thought wrong, didn't you. I don't need help from anyone." But as he said these things, his eyes softened a bit.

"Everyone needs a friend, Severus." He did not answer her, but tipped his head, bid her good day, and walked huffily back to the castle.

Soon, it was time to leave Hogwarts for the summer. Severus absolutely dreaded the summer. Hogwarts was his home, and going back to a life without magic was terrifying to him. When he arrived back at platform 9 ¾, he couldn't see his mother standing anywhere. He had no money, no way to get a train ticket home, no way to get back to his house. He had no floo powder, no broom, and he wasn't old enough to apparate. Severus stood among happy smiling faces, hugs, kisses, words of greeting. But he was not angry. Severus was very worried about his mother. If she was too weak to come to the station, would that suggest she might be on her death bed? She'd never let him down before. Well, in some ways, anyway. He grabbed his scuffed trunk and began to walk through King's Cross station to try and find his mother. She knew how to get onto the platform, of course, but maybe she'd stopped at the restroom. He sat waiting for her until nightfall, but she did not show. He realized that she wouldn't be coming, and he had no way to reach her. He lived at least two hours away from London; there was no way he could walk home without dying of hunger and thirst before he reached his destination. So he stayed there, a fifteen year old boy sleeping on a bench outside the train station.

When he woke the next morning, the station was on the move again, and someone had dropped a sixpence into his left hand while he had slept. He felt dirty and greasy, and he wanted nothing more than to board the train and get back to Hogwarts as fast as possible. Maybe Dumbledore would take pity on him. Just as he decided to find away to contact the school, an old man in a very nice tailored suit stopped in front of him.

"Severus Snape, I presume?" Severus looked into the old man's vaguely familiar face.

"Yes…." He said hesitantly.

"Come now, let's get your things, I'll be taking you home." Severus didn't think to question the man. He knew he'd seen the face before, so perhaps it wasn't a total stranger.

"You know where I live?" He asked stupidly, grabbing his trunk and following the man.

"Indeed I do. Your mother is very worried about you. She wanted to be here to pick you up yesterday, but she is sick in bed." Severus's heart pounded. There was a million questions he wanted to ask.

"Who- are you?" He asked as they reached a shiny black car. The man popped the trunk of the car.

"I thought that would be obvious." Severus looked up into the man's eyes- his mother's eyes- his eyes.

"Grandfather?" He asked uncertainly. "But-but why?"

"I haven't seen, nor spoken to my daughter in years. Do you know what that does to an old man's heart? To see his only daughter walk into a death trap? I-I couldn't bare to look at her. Get into the car, Severus." Severus obeyed, completely astounded by the events taking place. "She's very sick. I've offered to pay for a stint in St. Mungo's, but she won't hear a word of it. She's very strong-willed, my Eenie." Eenie? Clearly this was a pet name for his mother but, the only person he'd ever hear call her anything but Eileen was-

"I'm sorry about your father's death. For your sake, anyway. But my Eenie, she gave herself away to that filthy muggle, and now our pureblood history is ruined on him. You were supposed to be pureblood, Severus. You bare my name, and I hear you are quite brilliant. But you were supposed to be…supposed to be…." He trailed off, and Severus was not at all offended, for he shared the same feelings with his grandfather.

"I understand, grandfather. But why did you abandon us? We've been living in a shambles. Look at me! I'm laughed at because of my second hand robes and books, but we can't even pay to get these old ones tailored, let alone pay for new ones!" Severus said hotly, staring down his grandfather, who was in the back seat with him. There was a chauffer in the front, driving them to their destination. "I don't know anything about you, or the rest of my family, or anything. Who are you, anyway!"

"I suppose I deserved that. But what you don't realize is that as soon as your father left, on your command- your grandmother and I were so proud- I tried to offer her financial assistance, but she wouldn't take it. She said she was on her own, didn't need anything from me or her mother. Too proud, I guess. Too proud of her own horrible choices, and she didn't want to come back to where she belongs, in the wizard's world." Severus did not feel bitterness toward his mother; in fact, he respected her even more for trying to raise him solitarily. Though this man who shared his blood spoke truths to him, he began to resent him all the same.

"You told my mother you'd never care to meet me. Why are you here? Why have you come? What do you want from me?" He snarled, looking into the old man's startled eyes.

"Ah yes, you have some of your mother's spirit in you I see. Well, first and foremost I am here to collect you as your mother was too ill to do so herself. I-"

"Then why didn't you come last night? Why did you force me to sleep on a bench like an old beggar?"

"Because I didn't receive word that you had come until just early this morning. I rushed to you as soon as I could, of course. I'm sorry Severus. But you must listen to me. Your mother is very ill. She won't even visit those filthy muggle doctors. Of course you know she continues to live like a muggle. Severus, you've got to help her, you must convince her to come back to live with us, her family. She moans all the day and night for that dirty Tobias, and the most ironic, sad thing about it all is that he had found happiness where she never could. Yes, I know he had an affair with some muggle and bore a daughter. He found happiness where Eileen never could." Severus pondered this for a moment, knowing deep in his heart that he could never persuade his mother to leave and visit a doctor or her childhood home. "I've been visiting her off an on for the past couple of months. You see, even though we denounced her, told her we never cared to see her face again, it was the hardest thing we'd ever have to do. We thought if we went to such extremes, she would come to her senses and come back to the world we had set up for her. But she wouldn't hear of it, and of course, as you know, the Prince family is a very proud one."

"Pride can ruin even the best of us," Severus said, staring at his grandfather. "You know, growing up, I wanted nothing more than to change my name to Prince. I hated this dirty muggle common name, and I despise the man who gave it to me. But by denouncing her, you denounced me. How could you even for one minute think that I will take pity on you and do whatever bidding you please?"

"Severus, do not be bitter, do not show hatred towards me," his grandfather said sternly, losing his calm demeanor.

"What the hell makes you think that you can stop me from doing whatever I feel is right? When I met you so many years ago, you did nothing to show that you wanted to be my grandfather. You disowned me in front of my face, after my mom tried to make amends with you. How do you explain that, if you claim that you've been hurting all the years she was away?" Severus felt warm, thick anger rising through his veins. He had only felt such a hatred towards one person.

"Well you see, and you mustn't judge, Severus, you look so like your father. The shape of your face belongs to Eileen, and her eyes as well, but the rest of you…that nose, those lips. Those were his, Severus. When we looked at you, we saw only him, saw only her mistakes written across your face."

"And I'm to be blamed for the way I look? I'm to be cursed away from my family because you couldn't handle my appearance? Surely you would have reconsidered if I'd decided to wear a paper bag over my head to protect your poor pureblood eyes from my hideous muggle appearance. I ask you now, who is really the adult in this car? The person who lost his father, threw his abusive, no good father out of the house, or the person who refuses to look at and love his grandson because of his appearance. Superficiality does not even begin to touch you, grandfather, for you have surpassed even the greatest of my father's sins. At least he hated me for what I was, not how I appeared." Severus was breathless with contempt for his grandfather now. "You're a coward who uses people to get where you want. I'm not buying into this game."

"You hold your tongue behind your teeth, boy," said his grandfather with violence. "You know nothing of the circumstances you speak. You're just a stupid little boy. Now I am through trying to reason with you- you will bring your mother to me. I will care for her, and you can have your filthy little muggle house. You can visit her on weekends. I'll not have you dirtying my house. Your grandmother would die if she knew that I was even speaking to you now. You are nothing but a dirty halfblooded mistake. A mistake. That's all you ever were, that's all you'll ever be. Severus Tobias Snape, the half blooded failure. I don't need you to lecture me on right and wrong, what is good and evil in this world. Mark my words, boy, soon there will be another person powerful enough to show everyone in this world what is right and wrong, and when he does, I'll make sure he comes after you. The Dark Lord has no patience for muggles, mudbloods, and even halfbloods like yourself. So if I were you, I'd stop trying to prove myself and start cowering in a corner."

This threat did nothing but fuel Severus's desire to hurt his grandfather. He couldn't use magic, but oh, to use an unforgivable curse right now, how fantastic that would be.

"You wish to hurt me, do you? The Cruciatus curse? Ha-ha, clever boy, you really do know your stuff. But you are not powerful enough to even knock me on my back. Oh, I'd love to see you try. But you must really, really want to hurt the person you're cursing and, well, you don't want to hurt your dear old granddad do you?" He said, laughing wildly. Severus was confused; how did the man know what he was thinking. Surely he can't be proficient with Legilimency. Severus had read about this gift in an old text book. Legilimency and it's opposite, Occlumency, were two very valuable skills in the wizarding world, and Severus planned to become well versed in both of them.

"Do you know, boy, that I did not come all this way to pick a fight with you. If it had been up to me, I would have left you there to rot, but seeing that Eileen puts such a high price on your head, I had no choice. I do love my daughter very much. I have chosen to forgive her for her misgivings, but you, I am sorry to say, do not have such an advantage."

"What makes you think I give a shit about what you think about me?" Severus snarled at him.

"You watch your language while in the presence of an elder! Do you even know who I truly am? I have a very important position at the Ministry of Magic! We have the Minister himself over for tea every Sunday! To think that you are using such foul language in the presence of a ministry official. If you so much as draw your wand at me," he said as he watched Severus reach back to the pocket of his warn out trousers, "I can have you expelled so fast your head will spin. And I can do it without ever claiming ownership of you."

"You don't own me you stupid prat. You think that just because your blood runs in my veins that you own me? You think that because you work in the Ministry that I should cower in fear and squeak mournful apologies at you, while sobbing what a no good, stupid little boy I am? That's what you're looking for, isn't it, _Grandaddy?_ Well, I have news for you. Like it or not, we are family. And when you are dead and gone- which by your appearance, I judge to be soon- I will be here as a Prince- well, excuse me, half a Prince- carrying on your legacy. And when my mother is gone, it will just be me. So you can talk down to me all you want, but someday I'll be all that's left of your precious bloodline. And for the record, I am not afraid of you. I am afraid of no one." His grandfather stared, his mouth agape.

"You think it wise to be afraid of no one? How foolish. While you may not fear a person in particular, I guarantee at some point in your life you will feel fear like you never have before. When that happens, and I assure you it will, you are going to roll into a ball and pity yourself until you crack."

"No, you see, grandfather, I am not like you." And the conversation was over. Twenty minutes remained for Severus's journey home, and he almost fell out of the car when he arrived at his mother's house. He burst through the front door.  
"Mother? Mother I'm home, are you okay?" He ran to her bedroom, but her bed was vacant. "Mother! Where are…ANSWER ME!!!" He demanded loudly.

"Severus! No need to shout, I'm right here!" Eileen Snape said cheerfully, sticking her head out of the bathroom.

"Mother, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be in bed?" Severus asked, thoroughly confused.

"Bed! Now, why would I be in bed? I've never been better. Now listen, I'm going to go on a trip, I need you to stay here and watch the house."

"Trip- Mum, no!! You don't need to be going anywhere! You're-you're sick, you shouldn't be walking. Come on, get your nightgown on, I'll pull the sheets down-"

"Severus, don't be stupid, I'm fine." Severus stopped where he was. Never, in all of his fifteen years, had his mother ever uttered the word stupid at him.

"What's wrong? Clearly you aren't feeling well, if you'll just let me-"

"I'm fine! Now you're going to need to feed yourself, of course. I don't have any money to give you, maybe you should ask your grandfather for some, Lord knows he's got enough!" She laughed merrily, as if there was nothing wrong.

"What- oh my- Mother, when is the last time you saw Grandfather?"

"Oh, about three days ago. Said something about an important trip, and when did I ever tell Daddy no!" Severus's face was screwed up in confusion.

"Since you married my Father, that's when you told him no forever! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Severus! I'll not have that kind of language in my presence. Now, I'm going to go with your grandfather."

"No! You can't! I-I haven't told you about my last month at school. Come on, it's quite thrilling, sit down and I'll tell you," Severus pleaded.

"I do not have time for your silly child games, I have things to attend to!" Eileen said sternly.

"What has gotten into you?" Severus left the room and ran to the front of the house, where his grandfather's car still sat. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!" He screamed at his grandfather. "What have you done to my mother? She's acting rather strange, as though someone has put an imperius curse on her."

"How dare you accuse me of using an unforgivable curse. You have some nerve!" Severus's grandfather rose from his seat in the car and made his way into the house.

"Eenie? Almost ready?"

"Yes Daddy, I'll only be a few more minutes!"

"You sick son of a bitch! Why are you doing this?"

"Because my Eileen is worth more than the pitiful muggle life she is living. She deserves more than this house, more than you. And I am prepared to give her more. Unfortunately you're not part of the plan." Severus stood with his mouth agape. He ran quickly to the back of the three room cottage.

"Mum, come on, let's go fix dinner together, like we used to in the old days."

"Not now you silly little boy, I've got to get moving!"

"Mummy, please let's go into town and look in the store windows, pick out what we wish we could buy for Christmas like we used to! Mummy, please don't do this, please! MUMMY! Don't walk away from me, PLEASE!" But his mother pushed him out of the way.

"I don't have time for this, Severus. Now your grandfather has sacrificed so many things to allow me back into his presence. I was dirty and filthy, but he's going to purify me, make me a good witch again. And then everything will be as it should have been!"

"Mummy, no, you don't mean that, come on, sit down with me and we'll play Wizard's Chess. Please Mummy, PLEASE please come here, don't leave me, DON'T LEAVE ME!!!" He said, emotion swelling in his throat. He pushed the tears back with success.

"You didn't really think I'd stay with you, did you?" His mother said, lugging a trunk behind her. "You have my blood in your veins, but you are unclean, and you cannot be fixed, Severus. I am so sorry to leave you, but it is the way things should be."

"Mum, Mum, he has you under the imperius curse, fight it, mum, PLEASE! I-I'm your only SON! You don't want to leave me, please don't leave me." He stood in her way once more. Eileen drew her wand with a foreign smirk across her face, and pointed it at Severus's throat.

"Do not make me use this, boy. I will. Don't think for a moment that you will stop me."

"Mummy, please. I love you, please please don't do this. Don't leave with him, stay here and take care of me, please!" Severus whispered.

"You are no son of mine." She put her wand back into her robes and pushed the boy aside. Severus watched the only person who had ever understood him walk out the door. He swallowed as he felt tears bubbling inside him. He was not going to cry, he was not going to make a total fool of himself because his Mum disowned him. He barely heard the car drive away, barely heard anything. He was vaguely aware that rain had begun to fall. He was hungry and thirsty, and he didn't have enough money to survive. He would have to ask someone to help him. He ran outside to the same spot he had when he threw his father out of the house. The rain had soaked his clothes and clung to his white skin. He eventually fell over a tree root and landed in the mud.

"Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God," he repeated quietly, hugging his legs to his chest. Gone. She was gone, and he was alone. Someday he would get his revenge, oh yes, but what was he to do now? He was glad it was raining outside. He wished it would drown him and cap his sorrows. Each word he said wasn't more than a quiet plea, and the weight on his chest was unbearable. He couldn't breathe, hiccoughing gasps plaguing his respiration. His stomach swarmed with hot fear and tears stung the corners of his eyes as he rocked back and forth like a small child. His head swam with what if questions as the world circled menacingly above him.

The rain beat down on him as his panic surfaced in great sobs. His body quaked as he moaned in terror. His mother had abandoned him, although not of her own will, he was sure of it. She had been annoying, even a pest at times, but she was all that Severus had ever had, and now she was gone, lost to his own bloodline. His panic attack was consuming him. The beating of his heart echoed through his ears and trying to hear anything else was impossible. His face was contorted in agony as he tried to get up. Failed attempt after failed attempt, he threw himself on the hard ground and screamed into the earth. He hoped to God no one was watching. No one should see this terrible weakness. This was his last thought as he passed out cold from lack of oxygen and pure fear.

Severus woke a few minutes later, shameful of his actions. He had an idea that his grandfather had been right; someday he would feel fear, but never did he expect it to come so soon. His body ached all over, and he had several cuts and bruises from unruly trees as he'd run by. He got to his feet, glad the panic had subsided. He had never felt anything like it in his life; he thought he would never be able to breathe again. It was there Severus decided that he would never again let himself feel such emotion. During this rain storm, Severus decided to learn to hide his emotions behind occlumency. This weakness, he reasoned, could be deadly. Never again could he risk this panic happening to him. But it wasn't just that; never again would anything his Grandfather had told him be true. Severus Snape was going to amount to more than a failure- he was going to be very powerful, and one day, he would be able to get his mother back and take vengeance. On a tree stump in the middle of the storm, he sat and thought his options through. He could stay in this house and try and find a way to earn money for the next two months.

Or, he could find a way to his grandfather's house, wherever that was, and kill his Grandfather and Grandmother. He struck that one out quickly- he wasn't aloud to use magic outside of school, and Severus Snape was no barbarian. The final solution was to write Dumbledore; he hated himself for trying to ask outside help, but he didn't know what else to do. His head of house, Professor Slughorn, was a nice person, but Severus doubted he'd give a shit if one of his students was in true peril. He could be, after all, in the presence of Forneus Niklaby, the inventor of some God forsaken potion that Slughorn found interesting, or anyone else that could let Slughorn extend his connections.

Severus wouldn't dare write Professor McGonagall or anyone else from a different house. He didn't have any other relatives, or at least any that he wanted to speak of, and he didn't dare write to Malfoy. If he found out who Severus truly was, or the state in which he lived, the consequences would be disastrous. He didn't dare write any of the Black family either, for fear that Sirius would be the first to find out, call Potter, and come make more of a fool out of Severus than he already felt.

Killing wasn't an option, Severus had no skills in order to get a muggle job, and he wasn't about to steal anything. His only option was Dumbledore. So, he set back to the house to try and find something to eat, and to owl Dumbledore.


	6. Money and Girls, Girls and Money

_Dumbledore,  
Hello, this is Severus Snape. I will be a fifth year Slytherin in September. I know this may seem a little odd, but I don't know who else to contact. My mother has left my house, and I don't have any money or food. I wouldn't, under normal circumstances, write you, but this is rather extraordinary, and you did say when my father died that you'd help. Please let me know soon, sir._

Severus Snape

Severus looked down at his parchment and sighed. It was not what he had wanted to do, but he had done it. Not only had he asked for help, but he'd asked it from a man some people were beginning to call the "Greatest Headmaster Hogwarts has ever seen." Severus rolled the parchment and waited for the rain to stop. His long black hair was dripping summer rain down his pale, bony back, and his clothes stuck to his skin. The long, spindly fingers topped with short, bitten fingernails were muddy and cold.

Severus decided to shower and change his clothes. By the time he was finished, the rain had subsided, and he went outside to locate the wild owl his mother had used to deliver post at school. It was not the greatest owl when it came to directions, but he was beginning to remember the way to Hogwarts.

"This letter is for Albus Dumbledore," he told the owl, whose afternoon nap had been rudely interrupted. "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You know the way?" The owl hooted knowingly, and Severus tied the parchment to its leg. The bird took off and left Severus standing alone. 

Inside the house, Severus found cabbage, crackers, and some tea. He made himself dinner and decided to read some of his books. As he was reading, an awful thought descended upon him like a ton of bricks.

"I can't pay for new school books," he thought glumly to himself. "I can't buy new potion ingredients, I can't…I can't go back to school." Suddenly he felt very stupid for writing to Dumbledore. Even if he did send food or something, never would it be enough for new books.

Severus tried to push the thought out of his head. He submerged himself in the practice of non-verbal spells, which was beyond the ordinary wizarding level. There was nothing good about the prospect of not returning to school. He'd have to live as a muggle, maybe even break his wand in half, just because he couldn't pay. No, that was a stupid thought, surely they didn't punish you for being poor, there must be something that could be done.

Severus thought about the prospect of living as a muggle for more than an hour before he heard a tap on the glass of his dirty, foggy windows. He turned his head to see a man standing there, letter in hand. Severus got up off the sofa and walked cautiously to the door.

"Sir? Can I help you?" Severus asked quietly, staring at the man. He was tall with broad shoulders and sandy hair. He had on a navy blue uniform, and Severus recognized him as a muggle postman.

"Blimey, your house was hard to find! Don't know that I've ever delivered post here before, but this is for Ms. Eileen Snape?"

"I'm her son, I'll take it," Severus said, taking the letter. "Thank you." He turned and walked back into the house, intrigued as to why a muggle was sending his mother a letter. He sat back down next to his school books and quickly opened the letter. It was addressed to his mother in very neat calligraphy.

_Dear Mrs. Snape,  
We are terribly sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. At your request we searched through our records and found that your husband did not have a will, therefore the money in his account is legally yours. We have enclosed the necessary paperwork for the account to be switched into your name, and also your son's at your request. Thank you for your inquiry._

Thomas Leary

It was from some bank Trustee in London. Severus's heart leapt. His mother and father had finally done something of use! Now he would have no trouble going back to Hogwarts, all he would have to do is fill out this paperwork and he'd be dandy. He thought of the letter he'd sent to Dumbledore, and appropriately instantly wondered whether or not he had a hand in this. As soon as he had thought of it, he saw a great tawny owl at his window. He opened the window to let the owl in, and he read the attached letter.

_Severus,  
Thank you for your letter, and your trust in me. Do not worry that you are not going to be able to come back to Hogwarts, because I assure that you will be accepted. As I understand it, you will be coming into some money shortly, so do not worry. I fully expect you to have a wonderful holiday, please enjoy yourself!_

Professor Dumbledore

Severus couldn't help but notice how fast he had gotten a response and wondered where exactly Dumbledore was. At this point, he didn't care. He was going back to school!

The summer months passed in a blur. Severus filled out the paper work, forged his mother's signature, and found that he had enough money to return to Hogwarts at least until he graduated. There wouldn't be much left after that, but Severus didn't care. By that time he'd be able to go off and make his own money somehow. There hadn't been one word from his mother or his grandfather the whole summer. It worried Severus very much, but since he didn't know where his grandfather lived, there wasn't much he could do. Severus spent his days in the forest, studying under trees, cutting firewood and trying to patch the rotting sides of his little shack.

It rained a great deal, but every once in a while there was a brilliant sunset through the trees. Radiant oranges, reds, and pinks painted the sky with hope of a new tomorrow. At night he'd lie outside and watch the stars twinkle. Severus would give anything to be outside at Hogwarts now, but of course it was silly thought. Students were not allowed to stay during the summer holiday, but oh how he wished he could. There was nothing more perfect, nothing better than being at Hogwarts. The only time he wished he were anywhere else was when Potter and Black bothered him. Other than that, it was the perfect place to be.

Before he knew it, Severus found himself back in Diagon Alley, pockets stuffed with muggle money to be converted to gold galleons, silver sickles and bronze knuts at Gringott's. He knew better than to waste his money on silly trinkets and went straight to Flourish and Blott's with his book list. He purchased everything on his book list, and then decided to go exploring.

The last few times he had been here it had been with his mother, and now that he was by himself he decided it was definitely the time to check out Knockturn Alley. He strolled through the bustling crowds of Diagon Alley and eventually found himself in a dark, dank alley that could only be Knockturn Alley.

Severus gazed into some of the shop windows. Illegal substances were being sold on the streets, cursed objects lined windows and everything looked appealing to Severus. This worried him for only a minute. After all, what kind of wizard lusted after dark objects? This thought quickly disappeared from his thoughts when he saw a book inside a small dirty book shop called _1132 Curses and Hexes For Recreational Use._ Without thinking, Severus snatched the book and paid for it. Curiosity got the better of him, and just because he bought a book on curses didn't mean he would actually use any of them.

"Don't usually get many of your kind in here," the old hag behind the counter said, a faint smile playing on her nearly nonexistent lips.

"Yes, well, that's probably because parents threaten to hex their kids if they even set foot in this alley," Severus said truthfully, suddenly very uncomfortable.

"Indeed, indeed. Hows about you comin' behind me counter, I'll show you some interesting new products that just arrived from Latvia." Severus started to back away from the counter.

"N-no thank you, ma'am. Good day to you!" He ran as fast as he could from the counter clutching his new purchase, the hags hacking laughter rising behind him.

Back in Diagon Alley, he found himself staring longingly at new robes, but it was silly to pine away for them. He looked down at his own wardrobe- gray, patched trousers and a dull white collared long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows. His sneakers were worn and there were holes in his socks. His long black hair was tied back at the nape of his neck. He wore this style due to the heat only. One thing different about Severus, however, was the color of his skin; the hue was normally milky and sallow, but for the first time in his life, he'd been out in the sun all summer long. He did what he could to fix up his run-down shack of a home, oftentimes stripping his shirt because of intense heat. Because of this his skin had roasted to a golden brown. This gave his eyes a much lighter appearance and made him look like a much different person. If it hadn't been for the deep lines etched in his face or his near constant frown, one might consider him to be a handsome man. Severus shook himself out of his reverie and continued with his trip. He returned home shortly, ready for a new year.

The worst time of the day for Severus was the night. He often entertained himself by zapping flies in his room with his wand. Since he didn't actually say any words or do anything other than point his wand, the Ministry of Magic had not sent an owl to complain about violations of underage magical use. He was very lonely, and though he kept himself busy during the day, at night he just laid there, basking in his problems and difficulties. The only thing that could cure this horrible depression was Hogwarts, and luckily for Severus his date with the Hogwart's Express came quickly.

When classes resumed in September, all the fifth year students were greeted by very stern teachers with the message of learning and success. Ordinary Wizarding Level tests, or O.W.L.s would be upon them at the end of the year, and the professors' could not talk enough about their importance. Later in the year they would all have career counseling, and they were all warned to be very studious and serious about their learning. This was all old hash for Severus because he had already been aware of the importance of O.W.L.s. He was going to make something of himself and prove his family wrong. The career that Severus found most interesting would be something that would use his knowledge of the Dark Arts. An auror would be an interesting career, but he wasn't exactly sure that his talents would be most used there. A career in the academic field might be right up his alley. Perhaps he could be an author and roam around the world researching. That would be exciting. Maybe he could be a healer; his knowledge of potions was unmatched in his year, but this career track didn't sound right to him either.

His first meeting with Potter, Black, Pettigrew, and Lupin didn't go so smoothly, either. They made fun of his tattered robes and locked him in a broom closet in the fourth floor corridor. He had to wait for the caretaker to find him, and then he was accused of mischief and given a detention. Still, this was mild compared to what the four, particularly Black and Potter, were capable of, and Severus was still trying to find a way to fight back. He spent some time over the summer trying to create spells, although he couldn't really try any of them out to see what they did. One of them was Levicorpus, and the idea was that the person hit with the spell would rise into the air and under the control of the caster. He couldn't wait to test the accuracy of the spell, but he had to wait for the right moment.

For the most part, his school work and daily life went uninterrupted. He spent hours alone in the Slytherin common room studying and making notes in the margins of his books. It was a bad habit that he had and made the sell back prices of his books less, but there were some books that were worth marking in. His friend Malfoy had graduated along with Crabbe and Goyle, and now all that was left of his group were the seventh years Narcissa Black and Rodolphus Lestrange, the sixth years Bellatrix Black and Harmit Shane, and the fourth year Regulus Black. He found himself annoyed by Bellatrix and her antics. She was perhaps the most evil of the group, only behind Malfoy himself.

Narcissa was quieter than her younger sister, and if it was possible she had grown even more beautiful over the summer. Severus felt freer to look at the blonde beauty since her boyfriend was graduated. Some say that he went straight into service for the Dark Lord, but that was just a rumor milling around the Slytherin common room. Severus very rarely interacted with anyone, and when he did he appeared annoyed at the interruption.  
The only other place Severus spent more time than the common room was the library. Much to his despair, he found that his four arch enemies kept longer hours in the library now than they did last year. Every time Severus looked up he saw the four crouched around a book, or taking books out of the library to wherever they so chose to create more disarray. Severus was highly critical of this as it was well known that Potter and Black did not study. He had heard them muttering things like "Marauder's" and calling each other stupid nick names like "Prongs" and "Wormtail."

Whatever they were up to, it wasn't good, and if Severus didn't care so much about his studies, he'd spend more time tailing them. As it was, he had to devote every waking hour to memorizing every little fact out of every book he could.

There was, however, one thing besides these new "Marauders" and his studies that was catching his eye. Suddenly, out of no where, girls began to materialize in front of him. Not that they hadn't been there before, but suddenly they were everywhere. Not just Narcissa Black, because she was out of his league, but all girls, from every house. He noticed what they were doing, what they were wearing, what they were saying.

Sometimes when he saw them he got a funny feeling inside his chest that he'd never felt before. He got that feeling when he looked at a few girls, but most notably was Elise Aguirre, a fifth year Gryffindor and Lily Evans' best friend. They were often in the library together studying. Elise had dark hair that must have had a shining charm upon it, for it was impossible to have hair that shiny. The style she wore was long and layered. Her skin was olive and stayed this way year-round, and her large brown eyes were framed by dark, exotic lashes. She had full, pouty lips and what could only be described as the perfect nose.

Severus watched her smile when Lily told a joke and he couldn't help but wonder why he'd never noticed her before. He never really saw boys lusting after her like they did Lily, and Severus could not figure out why this was- this girl was prettier than Lily could ever dream of being. He chalked up her lack of attention to a full figure. The girl was very curvy for a fifteen year old. Her hips were a few sizes bigger than Lily's, but her waist was still smaller than her hips. All in all, she was well proportioned, just bigger than most boys might like.  
Severus realized he was staring at her more often than not on one particular October day while he was trying to concentrate on the theory behind transfiguring a rose into a canary; unfortunately, her voice kept distracting his thoughts.

"-and I just can't remember the composition of the sleeping draught! For some reason every time I try-"

"-utmost concentration is essential to this transfiguration because the change between petals and feathers is particularly difficult. In order to-"

"Yeah, I know! Professor Upren is totally being unreasonable! Two essays due the same day? Does he think Defense Against the Dark Arts is the only class we have? Seriously!"

"-utmost concentration is essential to this transfiguration because the change between petals and feathers is particularly difficult. In order to-"

"-O.W.L.'s coming later this year, I don't know what- Lily, I think………………..is staring at me! Look over there!" Severus quickly lowered his head to his book. Had she meant him? Had she seen him? He collected his things and attempted to walk smoothly out of the room.

When he got back to the common room, he let out the breath he'd been holding. Elise had helped him in Charms once. He had been having a particular difficulty with a happiness charm, and she'd so graciously given her time to help him. Since he wasn't exactly the world's happiest person, being able to perform a charm to extend happiness- a bit different than cheering charms, which was equally as difficult for Severus- was not easy. Severus sank down in a green easy chair and tried to study but found himself increasingly annoyed. Why were these feelings suddenly affecting him? He hated himself for feeling this way; it was completely out of character for him to suddenly pine for a girl- and a Gryffindor at that! He could only dream what his friends would say. Bellatrix would probably kill him where he sat. Yet even in his treacherous disgust he could see Elise's face shining through. Her school robes clung to her in all the right places, and that hair, dark and curly, hanging all the way down her back- NO!!!!! She was a Gryffindor, in the worst way! God she was gorgeous today.

"Snape! What the hell are you doing?!"

"I-er-studying."

"Right, well…..we've got new information. Come on." Severus got up, knowing fully well what was next. New information always meant that someone else had died.


	7. She Knows His Name

"So what do you have for us today?" Severus asked, mildly uninterested. He attended these meetings only to stay good with his fellow Slytherins. He had told Malfoy last year that he'd join forces with this new Dark Lord, but he only said this so that he could keep his friends. For Severus, friends were hard to come by.

"Well, Lucius has reported to me that a few muggles were slaughtered a few nights ago for pure enjoyment. And also, Georgio Markane, a little known auror was killed after he found information on the Dark Lord's whereabouts. He was killed before he had time to run his mudblood mouth off to anyone. And also, some witch named Marlena Prince was killed last night. She was apparently trying to leak information to the ministry. Her husband of course is high ranking ministry official Howard Prince, and the blood traitor was trying to get out of her marriage. The little whore. Anyway, Death Eaters were dispatched to the scene and she was taken care of. We were also told to watch for new developments, but nothing so far. That's all I know." Rodolphus Lestrange had finished his summary, grinning as though he'd just been appointed captain of the quidditch team.

"Wonderful updates! Exquisite ground the Dark Lord is making! If only we could leave this damned school and get out there to help," Bellatrix said quietly, staring up at her boyfriend, Rodolphus.

"In good time, Bella, in good time. Now, this meeting is officially broken, go about your business before we get caught!" Rodolphus and Bellatrix promptly rose from their chairs and walked over to the fire place, clearly intent on snogging the rest of the night. The rest of the group rose until all that was left was Narcissa and Severus. As he was about to leave, her heard Narcissa's small voice.

"I wish she wouldn't do that in front of me. She knows what I'm going through." Severus stopped and turned to face the stunning blonde.

"I-I'm sorry?"

"Bella. She always does this in front of me. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister, but sometimes she just has absolutely no empathy for other people's problems! I'm sorry Severus, I am troubling you with my worries. It's just that….I miss Lucius so much! He's out there, side by side with the Dark Lord himself, and any day an auror could catch him and kill him! And then what am I to do?" Severus did not know what to say. Cold, stony Narcissa Black was opening her heart out to him. 

"Narcissa, the Dark Lord protects his followers if they show him loyalty. You of all people know that Lucius is among his most trusted, and he only came into service less than six months ago! Surely you don't think that the Dark Lord finds him expendable?" Severus could feel the lies coming from his mouth as he said them. Any of the dullest minds in Hogwarts could have heard this and rolled over dead from fits of laughter. The Dark Lord was well known to torture and kill those who made the tiniest mistakes in his service. If Lucius were to truly make a mistake, he could be dead before the conversation was over.

"Thank you Severus. You're right, Lucius is a very trusted friend of the Dark Lord, and it was silly of me to think otherwise. I'm going up to bed now." She smiled at Severus and left the common room. Severus shook his head, gathered his things, and walked up to his room. While the conversation with Narcissa had been invigorating, something else that night had caught his attention. Marlena Prince, wife of Howard Prince, a well known ministry official. This statement kept playing over and over again in his mind as he got ready for bed. Surely it couldn't be his grandmother. After all, his grandfather had made clear that if she had known that he was talking to Severus, she would be very upset. Surely….surely he wasn't keeping her hostage too? Severus's thoughts slowly turned to his mother, and a pang of guilt and anger began to rise through his heart. Is it possible that, if his mother wasn't already dead, that she was now in the service of the Dark Lord because of his Godforsaken grandfather? Severus threw his head against his pillow, deep in thought. If it was the last thing he did, his grandfather would be dead. And he would die at Severus's hands. Severus turned over, trying to find comfort in an otherwise cold and cruel world. As he began to drift off into sleep, his last thoughts turned to Elise Aguirre. Maybe he would talk to her tomorrow. But maybe, he'd just roll over and die. Either way, she'd never know he had ever been alive in the first place.

"And who can tell me why concentration is important while transfiguring a rose into a canary?" McGongall asked during their transfiguration lesson on the next day. Severus rose his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Snape?"

"Utmost concentration is essential to this transfiguration because the change between petals and feathers is particularly difficult. In order to accurately perform the change, one must concentrate on the color, shape, and texture of the feathers of the canary, otherwise the bird will transfigure with petals as wings."

"Very good, thank you for that perfect recitation from your book. Ten points to Slytherin." Severus looked down at his parchment. He ought to know the answer- he'd read it at least twenty times in the library. And so, they all got to work on their transfigurations. Severus's was quite good, but he noticed that he was one of the only ones in the class to get it on the first or second try.

"Miss Evans, ten points to Gryffindor for being the first to transfigure your rose. Mr. Snape, ten points to Slytherin for being the second. And- POTTER! BLACK! What do you think you are doing!" Everyone in the class turned to the two trouble makers, who had successfully managed to land themselves in detention by turning their roses into some foul smelling flower. The stink that was coming from it refused to leave the room, and so the class had to adjourn early because of them. Severus sighed, gathered his things, and began his walk down to the Great Hall for lunch. As he was leaving the room, someone bumped into him from behind, and all his materials spilled from his arms to the floor.

"Geez, Snape, watch where you're walking!" he heard Black snicker down the hall. Severus sighed and began to pick his materials up.

"Don't listen to them, they are just two great prats with absolutely nothing else to do but be annoying!" Severus turned and stared into the chocolate eyes of Elise Aguirre.

"Uh-er-right."

"Stupid Stupid Stupid!!!!! Say something say something!! Sound grandiose, sound intelligent, sound attractive!!" Severus's mind was racing.

"Let me help you get this cleaned up," she said, bending over to collect the parchment.

"Er- I bought my parchment in Diagon Alley." Severus could have slammed his head against the doorway until he sustained a cerebral hemmorage and died from utter stupidity. "YOU IDIOT!!! I got my parchment in Diagon Alley? She's going to think you have pumpkin juice for brains!! Just run away…no, no, don't run away, you need your transfiguration essay. Stay, but don't say anything else. No, you have to talk just…be youself!" Severus continued to talk to himself, but all thoughts were silenced when Elise looked up at him and smiled.

"Did you? So did I, and I got my quills there too! Scribbulus Everchanging Inks always has the best prices and the best quality, don't you think?" Severus stared at the girl.

"I-er-yes." She handed him his materials.

"Ok, well, gotta go down to lunch, see ya around, Severus." 

"I-bye-er-Elise." She smiled and turned, her hair flipping behind her. She was like an angel. And she knew his name. Severus's heart was pounding a hundred meters a minute, she did indeed know his name. He was in heaven, and Elise was his guardian angel. Severus nearly ran all the way down to the Great Hall, and he spent the remainder of lunch glancing discreetly toward the Gryffindor table. Oh, if only he could talk to her again, but not too much in one day. He didn't want to seem desperate. Still, things were about to get interesting at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


	8. Under The Beech Tree

Through the first half of term, Severus continued his hard work. His marks were higher than they'd ever been, and he'd been able to push most of his personal problems out of his head. He'd found out from Dumbledore that his grandmother was indeed Marlena Snape, and his grandfather, Severus Howard Prince, was very shocked by her death. So, perhaps his grandmother wasn't a raving blood purist twit like his grandfather. He chose not to attend the funeral while he chose. While he effectively hid his emotions on the outside, inside his thoughts swirled about in a thoroughly saturated mind.

He wasn't ready to face his grandfather yet; he wanted to be more powerful in order to get his mother back. He didn't think it was a good idea to just show up unannounced at the funeral. Severus laughed aloud at the thought.

"Hey Grandad, ol' chap, I've come to say goodbye to my Grandmama, poor old bag, never met her but, haha, we know why, sure she was a lovely, lovely woman. By the way, seen mum lately? I'd like to speak to her about the financial changes in London. What is the ministry up to, these days, anyway?" Severus smirked at his thoughts.

"Why do you look so amused?" asked Regulus Black, bringing Severus from his thoughts. Regulus plopped down in the green arm chair next to him.

"Oh, just the tragic demise of Potter and Black," Severus lied, glancing at his younger friend.

"Ah yes, well, my brother is quite a pain in the arse, isn't he?" Regulus smiled knowingly.

"I can't begin to imagine what life would be like if you had to actually live with him."

"Oh, it's not so bad. Sirius is the bane of my mother's existence, and she's all the time screaming at what an insult he is to the family name. I'm surprised he hasn't run away to that bastard Potter's house yet." Severus frowned deeply.

"Can you imagine if they had the whole summer to plot their stupid little pranks?"

"True, true. Still, I wish the git was out of the house. He is forever making my life hell."

"Mine too. Anyway, I've got to get to the library. Damn O.W.L.s. See ya, Reggie." Severus left the common room and went to the library, losing himself in his thoughts. He was, infact, so caught up in his thoughts that he did not see the gorgeous Gryffindor headed his way.

"Severus? Hey…Earth to Severus…" He looked up into Elise's mysterious dark eyes.

"Oh-uhm-hi-" he squeaked.

"I thought you were going to run right into me! Whatcha thinkin' about?"

"I-er-O.W.L.s."

"Yeah, I know, they've been on mind a lot too ."

"Er….right…well, off to the library.." Severus attempted to glide past Elise without so much as a goodbye.

"Um…I wouldn't go in there if I were you…" Severus turned.

"Why not?" Elise seemed to tense up.

"Well, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter and in there, and, well….I know they cause you trouble…"

"I can take care of myself, thank you," he said coldly. He turned to leave.

"Honestly, Severus. Save yourself the embarrassment and come outside with me. Under the beech tree. You can help me with transfiguration, Merlin knows I need it." Conflict began to bubble inside him. The girl of his dreams actually wanted to spend time with him, but if he did indeed submit to her, then it would require him to do as she wanted- and Severus didn't follow orders from anyone but the professors, and his mother, and the prefects, and his friends. But not this girl, who he secretely admired and loved. No, she wouldn't tell him what to do. But he also didn't feel like being tortured by Black and Potter, either. No, he would like to avoid that torment at all costs.

"Well?" she asked again.

"Fine," he replied gruffly.

"Wonderful! I just need to go back to the common room to get my things. You don't mind do you?" Now was his chance to get out! But did he want to get out?"

"I-er-ok."

"Great! Go on out to the tree, I'll be there in a few!" She ran away, leaving Severus completely befuddled.

"Come on, man, pull yourself together!" he thought as he walked out to the grounds. "She's just a bird, man, you'll be fine! After all, you're Severus Snape. You're good with the ladies!"

"Honestly, you can do this…perhaps you should pick her flowers. No, too desperate, and definitely not Severus like. Perhaps you should…write her a sonnet? Sing her a song? Pledge your undying love before the Great Hall? NO! Think reasonably. Just be yourself. Cold, closed off Severus. That's who you are. Stick with it. It's a good front. Just…tell her you think she is the most beautiful creature that has ever graced the Earth…BAD IDEA. Tell her…you think she is Gryffindor Scum! Yes! Gryffindor Scum, that oughta deliver a blow. But you don't really think that, that'd be lying….but your whole exterior world is a lie, so why not add one more? Because she'll never talk to you again, that's why! Damn, you're a raving lunatic!" Severus shook his head-those inner voices could be harsh sometimes. Still, he knew that he had better clarify his position on this girl- if for no one else than himself. It was driving him mad, the crush he had on her. It was so unlike him- Severus Snape does NOT have crushes. Yet, he couldn't help it when his thoughts wandered to her. It was almost as if she were casting a spell on in him to make him think of her- and if that was the case then it was working. He sighed and looked ahead, watching her sultry figure move toward him.

"This is it, now or never," said his inner conscience.

"Hey, Severus, sorry I took so long, I had difficulty finding all my stuff. Lily Evans looks clean and proper on the outside, but she sure is a messy girl! Oh what am I saying, so am I! As you can imagine, our dorm is a disaster area!" Severus couldn't imagine. He contemplated asking to see, but thought better of it. Too forward…plus, boys weren't even allowed in the girl dormitory, let alone a Slytherin in the Gryffindor common room!

"That's…okay," he stammered. "So-er-what is it about Transfiguration that is giving you a problem?"

"Oh, everything! I mean, I can do it all in class fine, but the minute I step outside I get completely and utterly lost! I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I mean, in every other subject I'm just fine, with the exception of potions, but agh! I hate this year, it's so tense, don't you think? The teachers could lighten up a bit! I mean, it's only October!"

"Yes, I agree with you there. The teachers are being a bit ridiculous with their workload, but I understand why- after all, O.W.L's are very important." What was this? Had he said an entire complete sentence without stuttering, forgetting his words, falling over, world Armageddon, or pigs flying? Amazing! He smiled at his accomplishment. Elise smiled back.

"I suppose you're right. Oh, Severus, I just don't know." Oh how he loved it when she said his name!! These thoughts are treacherous! She's a Gryffindor, you git!

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you ask me to help you in Transfiguration? I mean, as much as I hate to admit it, and as much as they prove me wrong, Black and Potter, and especially Lupin, are all very smart, and they are from your house. I mean…I'm from Slytherin. People are going to give us some funny looks," Severus said, his serious demeanor returning.

"Well..it's just that…they are always so busy in the library doing whatever it is that they are doing, and Lily is my best friend, and she can't stand to be around them…and…well, you're very good in school, aren't you? That's all!" She said, irritation edging into her voice. "Besides, I don't care if people do look at us funny. It's not like we're doing anything naughty!" Severus could have dropped dead from shock at that point. Naughty? Had she actually implied- or thought about- that nothing naughty was happening? Naughty? Ohh, the naughty things he wanted to do- NO! GRYFFINDOR, stupid prat, GRYFFINDOR!

"No, of course not. So, transfiguration…" and the two set off, hard at work trying to decipher McGonagall's lessons. Before they knew it, an hour had passed.

"Severus, you're so smart! I could have never figured all that out on my own! Maybe we should meet more often, you know, like tutoring or something? Once a week?" Severus's heart pounded in his chest.

"I don't know, Elise, I'm really not that smart…and all the homework that we have to do- plus if Black and Potter ever got wind of it, they'd kill me for even looking at you!" Elise stuck out her bottom lip. Severus could hardly contain himself…he kept thinking about how gorgeous she was.

"Please, Severus, only once a week, they don't need to know! I'll just tell them-well I'll tell them something. Please please please?" She asked, a smile playing at her lips.

"Okay, okay. Look, maybe a few weeks, but that's all. We'll meet inside somewhere. How's that?" Her eyes sparkled with happiness.

"Oh thank you _so_ much!" Suddenly, out of no where, she opened her arms and wrapped Severus in a warm hug. Stunned, he just stood there with those bronze arms around him.

"I best be getting back! We'll meet in the great hall next time and decide where to go! Oh, you've made my day!" Severus didn't even say bye when she left. He was too shocked to move. He could still smell her on his clothes- a spicy scent that absolutely threw him for a loop. No one had ever hugged him except his mother- no one had ever bothered to show him any kindness or emotion except his mother and Dumbledore. And now, here was this perfect creature, and she was spending her precious time with him! Cloud nine was not even the perfect way to describe how Severus felt. His dream had come true! Amidst all the confusion and horrible tragedy of his personal life, this girl, the only person he'd ever met beside his mother, was going to give him the time of day.

When Severus regained use of his limbs, the negative thoughts were completely halted. All he could think about was that long dark hair, those dark eye lashes, and his future.


	9. Stand Inside Your Lust

Through the fall season the two worked side by side studying for O.W.L.'s. October came and went. Severus did not attend the Halloween celebration because he didn't feel the need to socialize further with his fellow Slytherins. He found that keeping his distance from his friends helped his keep the secret that had been weighing on his heart for the past few weeks. November dawned on the students and before anyone could blink that grounds had frosted over and people could be heard chatting about their Christmas Holidays.

On one Wednesday night, towards the middle of December, Severus and Elise were studying for an Arithmancy exam together. He had branched out to her with almost all her studies. She really was not bad over all, she was just missing some small concepts from each lesson. As he was preparing an equation on a piece of parchment in the room they used down in the dungeon, Elise spoke suddenly.

"I don't know anything about you."

"What?" Severus nearly dropped his quill.

"I've been working with you in secret for months now, and I know no more about you then I did when we first started here!"

"I'm good in school. I get good marks. That's all you need to know," he said coolly, turning back to his work.

"Well, let's start with me. My name is Elise Reneé Aguirre. I am fifteen years old, my father is Spanish and my mother is French. I'm a pureblood raised in Northern England. My mother wanted me to go to Beauxbatons, but I wanted to go to Hogwarts. My best friend is Lily Evans, I have a kitten named Isabella whom I call Izzy most affectionately. My favorite color is sky blue, like on a clear spring day. I love the night time. Oh, and my great grandfather was the dark wizard Ferrous." Severus stopped writing on his parchment and turned around.

"Ferrous? Grindewald's predecessor?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. The ministry of magic has been keeping tabs on my family ever since. It's quite annoying and intrusive to my privacy."

"He was absolutely ruthless! He killed everyone in his path, even purebloods!" Severus exclaimed, quoting one of Professor Binn's infamous lectures.

"I know, I know. I shouldn't have told you, you probably think I'll kill you in your sleep or something."

"No, no, I just find it fascinating. After all, Ferrous was a Gryffindor at Hogwarts."

"Let's change the subject- tell me about you." Severs wanted to continue talking about Ferrous, but the look in Elise's eyes told him to stop.

"I-ah-my name, well you know that-I-"

"What's your middle name?"

"I-I don't have a middle name. Just Severus Snape. That's all," Severus lied.

"Well, what's your favorite color then," Elise asked, dismissing the first question.

"Uhm…I don't know..I guess I don't think about colors often. I guess Black. It suits me."

"Well what about your family?" Elise asked, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

"I don't really- how about this arithmancy problem?" he asked, avoiding talking about his mother or father.

"Oh come off it, you must have _some family_. Even a dog?" Elise asked smiling.

"My father is dead, my mother is a hostage, I am a dirty half blood and no one gives a shit about me. Is that what you want to know? Is that what your pretty little ears want to hear? I'm a nobody. I'm shut out, just me. So can we_ please _get back to this problem." Severus had thrown down his quill. His long black hair fell into his reddened face as his voice grew harsher and louder. The wide, round coal black eyes that were so often masked and hidden were now filled with such utter sadness that it made Elise shiver as he spat his rant at her. 

"You're not a nobody." Severus turned back around and sighed as exasperation and pure exhaustion filled his quiet, uneven voice.

"No? Then please, Elise, do me the favor of enlightening me as to why anyone in this world would care about me, or why you are even here? Pray tell, my dear Gryffindor, if you find me so smart, so utterly enchanting, then why are we meeting in secret? Is it because you fear for my safety in the eyes of Potter and Black, or is it because you're too damn embarrassed to be seen with greasy Severus Snape, the stupid Slytherin git who will never amount to anything?"

"STOP! Stop talking about yourself like that, what gave you the idea that I was embarrassed? Honestly, Severus, stop speaking to me like I am a four year old child. I am here because I want to study with you, because you help me in class, because you're my friend-"

"Your friend? Your friend. You said it yourself, you don't know a thing about me, Elise. How can I be a friend to you? I don't even know myself. I am incapable of friendship!" a trail of sweat ran down his forehead as he continued on in his speech. He didn't even realize the hateful words that were pouring out of his mouth. He was being himself; he had made himself into this monster. His heart beat a rapid cadence against his chest as looked Elise in her eyes.

Elise rose from her seat, walked swiftly to the spot where Severus was rooted to the floor, and smacked him straight across the face. His cheek immediately glowed red, and he instinctively put his hand to the burn.

"Don't you talk to me like that, Severus Snape, and don't you talk about yourself like that. I'm sure you want me to cower before you and cry some sappy apology. 'Oh Severus, I'm so sorry, I should have never pushed you.' Well guess what, it's about damn time someone did something to waken your spirits. There is more to life than studying and wallowing in despair, Severus. I hope someday you understand that. But until then, I'm going to be leading my own life, full of fun and adventure." She began to gather her things and Severus felt like shoving his head against a wall.

"Look, I'm-I'm-"

"You're sorry? Yeah, right. You meant every word you said. I have a question to ask you, and I want you to answer it truthfully." Severus glared at her. He didn't like the way this was going; questions left him vulnerable and naked.

"On the twenty-seventh of December, Ferrous died, many years ago. Every year my family holds a kind of…. A get together to honor his memory. I was wondering if you would care to join me on winter break?" Severus had been expecting a biting remark or an insulting question, and he had his tongue set and ready for a sharp retort. However, when the question was posed, he had to bite his tongue to keep from saying what he had planned. Elise had seemingly forgotten about what had just transpired- the heat was gone from her face and she was breathing calmly.

"I-I couldn't possibly. It is a family tradition, I couldn't intrude." He nodded, desperately trying to hide the rage that still enveloped his countenance.

"I understand. Just keep me in your thoughts, will you?" without another breath she was gone out of the room, leaving Severus to his own torturous devices.

Over the next few days, Severus watched as the residents of Hogwarts school packed up and left. He did not talk to Elise again, although he watched her laughing with Lily at the Gryffindor breakfast table. She had sat right next to Sirius Black, and the prat was trying to grab her attention away from her best friend. Severus wanted to march straight over to Black and hex him into oblivion, yet he kept his ground at the Slytherin table. Severus was so confused about his thoughts and feelings for Elise. Countless times he tried to regard her in much the same way he would a sister, but that just left him feeling dirty, unclean, and very silly. Such awkward feelings were complimented by her brashness and her declaration that he was her friend.

He didn't even know what the word 'friend' meant. He had never had a true friend in his life, why waste time trying to attract one at this stage in his life?  
Finally, after a few grueling days, Severus Snape was nearly the only Slytherin left in school. He found himself lonely on Christmas Eve night, knowing that he would not receive any gifts the following day. He tried to impress upon himself how materialistic he was to think of receiving gifts at a time like this, but his mother had always managed to pull something out of her pocket, even when they had little to nothing to live on.

Severus hated how much he missed his mother. He didn't like to be dependant on anything, but she had always been a bright spot where the world grew increasingly dark. He didn't even know if she was still alive.

The night before Christmas, Severus laid in his bed staring up at the ceiling. He was the only one from the fifth year dormitory still there. He closed his eyes, and as he began to drift to sleep, he heard footsteps approaching. Who would be up at this time of night on Christmas Eve? The footsteps stopped at his door, and it cracked open. 

"S-Severus?" a female voice whispered. Severus didn't move. He was in his night clothes and wasn't about to get up and face this girl.

"What do you want!" He spat nastily. She stepped into the room, her wand illuminating her tear stained cheeks. "Naricssa!" He exclaimed with surprise.

"Severus, he's gone. The Dark Lord has sent him to do his biddings and I don't know that I'll ever see him alive again! How foolish he was…right out of school. He's got the mark and everything on his arm. I-I saw him not long ago, in the Hogsmeade village. What am I going to do? How am I going to live if the Dark Lord kills my Lucius?" She asked him, fresh tears gliding down her skin in the track of those that had already fallen. She turned to latch the door, and then walked across the room to wear he lay.

"I'm so scared. I keep having these dreams of me leaning over his dead body. I feel so alone but- I knew I could come to you, Severus. You always listen so well. You always know exactly what to say." She paused and looked into his startled eyes.

Severus could barely think. He had hardly spoken ten words to Narcissa before, let alone carry on a conversation. How could she possibly think that he was the best choice for her confidences?

"I- we're all worried, Narcissa! But Lucius is a man now. He was strong and bold enough to go into service for the Dark Lord, and I'm sure he was perfectly trained for his mission." He knew his words were ridiculous- from what he had heard, the Dark Lord had more important things to attend to than worry about which of his servants lived or died. But she ate them up, nodding her head as he spoke. Narcissa stood abruptly.

"I came here for another reason." He looked at her, waiting for a response. Slowly, her long white fingers reached down to the belt that held her dressing gown together. She untied it, leaving it in a heap on the floor. She stood there in all her glory, the sparse light hugging all of her soft curves. "Touch me," she commanded. 

Severus fought to keep his jaw firmly in place. Surely this was a dream. "Wha- Narcissa, I couldn't possibly."

"Touch me. Now." She moved closer to him, drew his hand from beneath his blankets and put it against her moist cheek. She moved his hand down her own face, down her neck, down the curve of her bare torso. Severus's breath was ragged as he felt something swelling inside him he'd never felt before. "Put your hands on me, Severus." Slowly, he drew his other out from under the covers and lightly touched her side. He was the student to her teacher, and she led his hands all over her body.

"Do you know how much I need you?" she whispered. "You are all I have here. Hold me, please. I need to remember what it feels like to be in the arms of a man." He nodded slowly, and she crawled into bed with him. It didn't feel right to be holding this perfect creature. She wasn't his. She was Malfoy's, his "friend." What would he do if he ever found out? And not only that, but what about Elise? Severus could hardly believe he was thinking about her at a time like this, yet he couldn't help it. He had never thought of a woman inappropriately, but when he'd imagined what it might be like to lay with a woman, he'd only seen Elise. Never Narcissa Black.

His limp arm was dangled across her small waist. She did not ask for him to touch her anymore, and he was relieved. Had she asked for something more, Severus was not sure he could contain himself. He softly stroked the area around her navel, wondering if it was something women liked. He had no idea- his expertise where the ladies were concerned was severely limited to the books he had read. She released a soft sigh, and her body seemed to relax a bit. She was nearly asleep when he heard her whisper "Lucius."

"She must really, truly love him," Severus thought to himself. For the first time in his entire life, Severus wondered if he'd ever again feel a woman in his arms. She was so soft and simple, and he devoured each moment she was his. Would he ever be able to attract a woman? Elise was no more than a friend, and Severus was positive that she would never feel for him the warm glorious feelings that he held for her.

Severus would never attract a girl with that stupid Potter around humiliating him every time he got a chance, not even Elise. Severus had never seen a girl sit and stare at him the way they did Potter, Black, and Lupin. The other tagalong, Pettigrew, well he was in about as bad a shape as Severus when it came to popularity. Severus closed his eyes and breathed in her sweet scent. She didn't smell like Elise. Elise smelled of fresh spring flowers. Narcissa, the beautiful, blonde vixen that lay still in his trembling arms, smelled nothing like his Elise. Severus sighed quietly, wishing that Narcissa would go, but she stayed planted in her spot, soft breaths issuing from her slightly parted lips. As Severus felt unconsciousness slide upon him, he couldn't help be think of Elise, and how much he wished that it was her body wrapped tightly in his arms.

When Severus woke up in the morning, he was alone. There was no trace of her being there. His bed was not even warm from her. She had been gone at least an hour. Severus deduced that the tender moment she had shared with him last night was not to be repeated, not between them or to anyone else.

Severus rose and walked over to the foot of his bed, where no packages lay. He did not express any sign of disappointment. Instead, he grabbed some parchment and a quill, and set down to write.

"Elise,  
I'm sorry about the exchange that occurred between us at our last meeting. It was absurd of me to have blown up at you. I am writing to you, on this Christmas day, ask if your invitation still stands. It may be too late, and if it is, thank you so much for inviting me. But if it is still open, I am sure it will be easy to discuss my options with Professor Slughorn. You are in my thoughts. Happy Christmas.

Yours,  
Severus Snape." 

Severus felt dirty and used. His logical solution was to appeal to the one person who made him feel golden. So, against his better judgement, he wrote the letter and prayed for anything but rejection.

He ran the letter up to the owlery on the snowy Christmas morning. Speaking the name of the letter's recipient to the owl send shivers up Severus' spine as he realized that in just a few days, not only would he see Elise, but he would see her at her home with her family. He smiled to himself as he watched the owl disappear in a blanket of snow flakes. He then went to shower, where he tried desperately to wash off the scent of the previous night. He could still smell her on his clothes, and it was as though her ghost were lingering, attached to him in some way. He'd never forgive her for her thoughtless violation- yet he had allowed it. And not only had he allowed it, he had participated willingly.

Disgusted, he scrubbed himself raw and then ran back to his room to await Elise's letter patiently.


	10. Warming To The Frost

"What am I doing, what am I doing?" Severus asked as he paced back and forth in front of a tall fir tree just outside the castle grounds. 

His trunk was nearly covered in the deep snow and there was a track where Severus had nervously dug his way through to the frozen ground. Elise had replied more quickly than he could have ever hoped and, at the moment, he was waiting for her arrival. Suddenly, Severus felt awkward. He should have known better than to do this; as a general rule, he tried to keep from putting himself in situations that would embarrass him or make him vulnerable. Yet here he was, willingly leaving with the one person who made his knees weak. He was just setting himself up for difficulty and embarrassment. He absently glanced over his shoulder at the majestic castle that sat in the background. He wasn't sad to leave Hogwarts. Christmas without his mother was no Christmas, and he didn't care to sit amongst the happy faces of all the other children. At least he was going to a death day party.

Through the trees, as Severus was walking past, he heard a crack and he knew his time had come. The crunch of snow told him he was no longer alone and a few seconds later, Elise emerged.

"Elise," Severus breathed, staring into her soft eyes. Her smile ignited a small fire inside his soul.

"Hey Severus! Sorry we're a bit late. Mum was cooking and we lost track of time!"

"That's fine," he said, his gaze still transfixed upon her.

She was wearing a long black coat with a turquoise scarf and hat. Her cheeks were rosy with the cold, and her breath hung in the thin frigid air. His frosty angel smiled and motioned for the larger figure behind her.

"Well then, let's not waste time! This is my mother-"

"Severus, 'allo! Eelize 'as told me so much about you! Don't be shy, boy! My name eez Madame Aguirre, and ve are so happy zat you will be staying vith us!"

Severus reached his hand out to meet hers, and she shook it. The woman was larger, yet even through the pudge on her face, Severus could see that she was very beautiful, with long strawberry blonde hair and green eyes.

"Right, well, let's get on, shall we? We've brought a portkey. Daddy works for the Ministry and their magical travel department, so he was able to pull a few strings for us!" Elise said.

The portkey was a rusty can of tomatoes and, before Severus could change his mind, he reached out to touch the item, and away they were taken. The portkey brought he three of them to a quaint cabin somewhere in the north of England. Snow fell lightly atop the roof as smoke billowed thickly from the wide chimney.

"This is us!" Elise exclaimed brightly. Severus nodded and grabbed his trunk. Elise and her mother led him inside.

"It's not much, but it's home."

She smiled and gestured for him to come through the door. He obliged and was instantly greeted by the scent of cinnamon. The kitchen was large and connected to an adjoined den. Bowls were set on the counters and spoons had been charmed to mix their contents. Despite his austere countenance, Severus couldn't help but smile. He'd never been inside a home where magic was used freely and openly. As he moved to the living room, he saw a large ominous face staring at him from over the fireplace.

"Is that a-"

"Dragon? Yes. Daddy was involved in some raids briefly in Barcelona before being transferred up to the Department of Transportation here in England."

"Ah," Severus answered, imagining his own head in the place of the dragon's. He figured that's what would happen once her father discovered the thoughts Severus was harboring for his daughter.

"And here's where you'll be staying. It isn't much, and for that I apologize, but I trust you'll be comfortable." Severus nodded, happy that he could finally put his trunk somewhere. 

"I'll give you a, uh, few minutes alone so you can get settled. Welcome to my house. I'm ... um ... I'm glad you came, Sev," she said as s he smiled warmly at her visitor and then turned to leave. Severus sighed, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Sev." The name sounded funny. No one had ever given him a pet name before. But what was this talk of pet names, all she had done was shortened his first name and no one does that to Severus Snape! He sighed and opened his trunk. All he was going to do was "settle in." He noticed an old chair in the corner of his room and sat there to gather his thoughts before venturing out to meet the rest of the family.

What exactly was it that he had been thinking, writing Elise that desperate letter! If anyone could take care of themselves, Severus Snape could. So why ... what force inspired him to write that sickeningly sweet letter to the girl he fancied? And what would Sirius Black say if he knew?

Severus smiled at the thought - he was spending Christmas with the girl that Sirius had his eye on. Yet he felt no remorse- giddy accomplishment maybe- but no sadness. Was he playing with fire? Was Severus Snape truly winning, beating Black at his own game? He smiled at the thought of his arm around Elise's shoulder, sitting by the lake on a beautiful spring day, Black seething from rejection. And then, Severus would charm Elise with his unquestionable wit and send Black soaring into the lake. Caught up in the wonderful reverie, Severus failed to hear the knock at the door. It was only when Elise poked her head inside the room that Severus was aware of her presence. He stood up quickly as she entered.

"What are you so happy about?" Elise asked him. 

"I-uhm-I'm happy I'm not spending Christmas alone," Severus lied. After he said the words, however, he realized that he had not lied at all.

"Well, that's sweet. Come on, I want you to meet the rest of my family!" Severus nodded, the knot in his stomach returning. He followed the girl out the door and back into the den, where her father and two younger children stood waiting. 

"This is my Daddy, Señor Aguirre, my younger sister, Katalina, who is nine, and my youngest brother, Philippe, who is five. Everyone, this is Severus, he is a friend of mine from Hogwarts who helps tutor me, and is very interested in wizarding history." Severus smiled awkwardly.

"We are pleased to have you with us on this Christmas Day. We'll be sitting down to dinner soon, I trust you'll join us Severus," her father spoke.

"Yes, sir," Severus answered. Oh Lord, it was going to be a long, uncomfortable day.

Later that evening, Severus sat alone on his bed, having already said goodnight to the family. He couldn't get over how weird it was to be with Elise's family, but he couldn't deny that he liked it. They had something that he had never experienced- a warm, loving environment. Each of the kids helped serve dinner, they acted amicably toward each other, and they all helped with the dishes. Their parents kissed them goodnight, and it was quite apparent that the two were madly in love, even after seventeen years of marriage. Even the cross cultures didn't bother them, and they respected the French and Spanish culture, as well as the English culture in the house. The children were all trilingual, with the ability to speak each parents' language and English. It was amazing to Severus how they operated together as a unit.

He had never known that, and any family he had was rudely taken from him. Of course he had plans to get his mother back, but he had to wait until he was allowed to use magic outside of school. He definitely had some kind of plan to use it against his grandfather. As far as he knew, it was just him and his mother, now that his grandmother had passed away.

As Severus climbed into bed for the evening, he thought about Elise, how odd it was for him to care for someone besides himself. He had so long kept to himself and fended for himself, to actually care about the well-being of someone else was a nice change. He smiled as he closed his eyes and thought about her shiny hair glinting in the winter sun.

The next day, Severus and Elise decided to take a walk to get away from her family. They were busy preparing for the family that would be arriving on the 27th of December, and things were getting tense around the Aguirre household. Severus had been the one to propose the walk, mostly out of character for himself, and Elise had agreed. And so, the two set off around noon, when the sun was high and the temperature had topped out at negative three degrees Celsius. They'd walked for about a half an hour while talking about mundane things, and their topics became more involved. No matter the topic though, Severus was enjoying himself more than he had in quite a while.

"So, what do you think of my family?" Elise asked.

"They are nice. It was wonderful to be welcomed in like that. I know I'm intruding, but-"

"I invited you, Severus. You aren't intruding, you were invited! And I'm happy you're here. It gets a little boring around my family sometimes, as wonderful as they are, and my sister is really entering an annoying period in her life- you know, when she's annoying all the time," Elise laughed.

"Do-do your parents know I'm in Slytherin?" Severus asked cautiously.

"Yes they do. I don't think they really know what that means. Mum attended Beauxbatons, and Daddy studied abroad, somewhere in Syria, I believe. They could care less what house you are in at Hogwarts."

"What about you?" Severus inquired quietly.

"What about me what?" Elise laughed.

"Do you care that I'm a Slytherin?"

"I mean, it's a little awkward, sure. And James and Sirius are horrible to you, and I apologize, but I don't see house lines. We all attend the same classes, I don't see why we can't be friends."

"Right. But do you care that I'm a Slytherin, you're avoiding my question."

"I-what do you want me to say?" Elise stopped suddenly and turned to face Severus. "What is it you want to hear, Severus? There isn't a bad witch or wizard that hasn't come from Slytherin- except for Ferrous, of course. I mean, that's a little disconcerting, don't you think? I'm not saying I think your bad, it's coming out wrong…I'm saying- what makes you different?" Severus smiled at her.

"Absolutely nothing. I'm exactly like every stereotypical Slytherin you've ever heard about."

"That's not true. You're caring, and nice, and helpful and-"

"Then why did you ask me? You care about my label that much?" Severus interrupted.

"Do you?" Elise shot back.

"I- I don't know. I just don't want you to stop talking to me because you finally realized who I am. I just want a clear answer from you, because I don't just-I don't just, you know, tell everyone everything about me."

"But, Sev, you're not listening to me," Elise said, walking closer to him. Severus furrowed his brow in confusion. "I've always known who you are, you just won't let me in."

"And why should I?" Severus asked, feeling small sparks of anger rise in him. He attempted to push it down, but revealing himself was always a touchy subject.

"Because," she said, moving closer, inches away from him. He could feel her breath graze his pale white face, and his heart pounded in his chest. He wasn't sure what was about to happen to him; he wasn't sure if she was bluffing or if this was it- if she really did share his feelings. "Because," she repeated, "I want to know everything about you, because," she stopped speaking again, still moving closer. "Because, I-"

"ELISE! Are you out here? MUM needs help in the KITCHEN!!!! ELISE!!!!" Severus let the breath out he'd been holding. She stopped moving in, smiled at him, and turned away.

"Coming, Kat!"

As soon as she was out of sight, Severus sat down in the snow, completely and utterly confused. Had she just been about to confess her undying love for him? Is that how girls usually did it? Severus shook his head. Things were getting complicated, a little more complicated than he was used to. In all the books he'd ever read about girls, it had said nothing about how confusing they were to read! After a few minutes, he rose, brushed the snow off of him, and made his way back to the house, which was busting at the seam with food for the next day. He passed Elise in the kitchen, and she smiled at him. He took this as a good sign and went back to his room to think things over.


	11. Death Day Party

On the morning of the 27th, Severus awoke early to the sounds of people chattering brightly in the den. He rose and readied himself for the day. After putting on the nicest set of robes he could come by, he briefly thought of tying his hair back. When he actually saw himself with this hair style, he gagged and released the hold. There were some things he'd do for a girl, and some things he wouldn't.

Finally he emerged from the room, nervous because he knew no one. He started to curse himself once again but stopped when he remembered the brilliant time he'd had with Elise the day before.

"Hello," he greeted Elise's younger brother, Philippe. The small boy widened his eyes and fled Severus's presence, which had become a customary greeting between the two. 

"Severus! You're finally up! I'd like to introduce you to…" and the list went on and on. He could read the glints in the eyes of every relative he met- "Who is this strange greasy haired boy? Surely not her catch of the day!" Severus sighed. He certainly didn't like to be sized up visually, as in his opinion, this was not his strongest attribute. Yet he met them all, smiling like the perfect gentleman he was pretending to be.

Most of the guests were French, seeing that Ferrous had been born and raised in Marsailles.

"The Celebration of the life and death of Ferrous will being shortly," Elise's mother announced in a smooth French tongue, and the crowd began to move outside to the backyard. Elise took Severus's hand and led him with the crowd.

"Where is everyone going?" Severus inquired.

"To Ferrous's grave. Ministry officials will be there to monitor the ceremony, making sure we're not trying to carry on Ferrous's legacy."

"Right," Severus said falling in line behind Elise. They made their way to a portkey, which was used by all those too young to apparate.

Upon arrival, Severus was astonished at the view. Ferrous was buried on a hill by himself in seemingly the most random place anyone could have chosen. A small fountain set in front of the tomb. The tomb itself was small, unremarkable, and said simply

"Jacques Hector Bourgeois. The Dark Lord Ferrous. Born August 23rd, 1887 in Marsailles Died December 27th, 1937 in London, England."

"It's in English," Severus noted.

"Yes it is, because the Ministry of Magic in London were responsible for the burial and would not allow the family any kind of say over what was put on the headstone. The fountain was added years later by my mother, who put some kind of sticking charm on it so it could not be removed." As if on cue, the fountain sprang to life, and Elise's mother began to speak.

"We gather here to honor the life and death of our beloved family member, my father, Jacques Bourgeois. He…" Madame Aguirre began. Elise translated for Severus as her mother began a sorrowful ode to the memory of her father. Apparently, as much as the Dark Lord Ferrous was a homicidal killer, he loved his family (this sentence is awkward and I don't know how to fix it….) There were tears form his children and saddened gazes from grandchildren, cousins, and distant relatives. The man had been dead since 1937, around forty years ago, and yet here were mournful relatives gathered with happy memories floating in disillusioned heads.

"The man was psycho," Elise whispered, halting her translation. Severus glanced over at her.

"What?" he asked, feeling slightly awkward at her blunt statement.

"He murdered hundreds of people, and for what reason? Women, children even!"

"That's what made his reign so terrible though," Severus whispered so as not to disturbed the service.

"In 1931, he-"

"I know the history well. But did you ever know why he did the horrible things he did?"

"Well he- no. I have no idea.." Severus trailed off.

"The ministry keeps it out of the text books. They don't want us to know. But I know." Severus was no longer interested in the service, desperate to hear Elise's precious, illegal knowledge.

"Come with me," she whispered. Grabbing his hand, she lead him away from the service. They found a spot a few meters away behind a bush.

"What do you know about my grandfather?" she asked.

"He produced the single largest mass murder of ministry officials and their families for seemingly no reason. He damn near killed everyone- even the Minister of Magic at the time, for seemingly no reason. There was no motive, just mass murder."

"That's not completely true. There was a motive. Have you ever heard of Antoinette Elise Bourgeois?" 

"No.." Severus trailed off.

"Wife of Ferrous. My grandmother, I guess. People say they were so in love- three children in three years. My mum was the youngest. In 1929 they vacationed in England. My grandfather went out with my two aunts and my mother. While they were gone, a group of ministry officials stumbled out of a local tavern and saw Antoinette picking public flowers planted by an area restaurant. In their drunken stupor they crudely yelled at her for her incompetence. She only spoke French, and the officials picked her up, took her to an unknown location, raped her, cast some unknown spells that left her body mangled, and left her to die."

"My God," Severus whispered.

"When they found her, it was too late, and she died. Of course, Grandfather cracked and became suicidal. However, he did not take his own life because of his three young daughters. Instead, he found young Englishmen privy to his cause and went on a mass killing spree. One of the disillusioned young men he recruited was Albert Harrison, a.k.a.-"

"Grindelwald," Severus whispered.

"Yes. He killed so many people to avenge the death of my grandmother. What finally made him break was the pardon granted to those who killed her."

"He must have really loved her," Severus said, looking tenderly into Elise's chocolate eyes.

"He did what he could in the name of love. But to kill so many innocent people? Killing the ministry officials, I understand. But children? Why?"

"That's what Ferrous is most hated for."

"I know. But all of these people here, praising his name as though he was a savior or something? I mean, when I was younger I used to participate, and we had food and games, but now… what were we celebrating? No wonder the ministry won't leave my family alone! My family is insane, and I'm a traitor because I think that. Sure, grandpa loved my grandma and his children, but everyone else in the world is expendable? It isn't right. What the ministry did isn't right either, but celebrating the life of a murderous lunatic? Is that right? My mum grew up without her parents! I can't even imagine what that must be like! Being raised by Aunts and family friends your whole life? My grandfather wasn't a dark Lord- his reign was short, only a few years, but- I just don't know. I never even got to meet my grandparents…" Elise trailed off, emotion filling her fragile voice. Severus was concerned, yet he held back. This was dangerous territory. Should he put an arm around her and comfort her, or keep his distance? He decided to try words first.

"I don't know my grandparents either," he said solemnly, staring at the ground.

"I'm sorry," she replied. The air between them was thick with sadness, regret, and thoughts of the unknown.

"If…If you ever want to talk, I-"

"Shut up, Severus," she said quietly. Then, without warning, she leaned in, eyes closed, and placed her lips softly against his. He inhaled sharply, her fresh scent filling his nostrils. She held herself there for about twenty seconds, and then, without another word laid her head in his lap. The two stayed like this for the remainder of the service, their future shrouded in uncertain happiness.

Back at Elise's house, the party had been underway for an hour before Severus could speak to the girl again.

"So…when do we eat?" Severus asked, trying to alleviate the tension between the two.

"Soon. Mum's nearly finished setting the buffet out. Hey, uhm, Severus?" she asked

"Yes?"

"Thanks for listening to me. And sharing a bit. That meant a lot to me."

"I don't want you to be sad," Severus replied, staring down at his feet.

"Well, thank you. I appreciate it." There was a loud noise as about five men apparated into Elise's house. "Oh, look, here come the ministry officials again." Severus casually glanced over toward the new arrivals and nearly choked on the air he breathed.

"Shit!" he swore, running off in the other direction.

"What? What- Severus?" Elise asked, following him. Severus ran outside onto the snow covered ground.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Elise asked him as they got outside.

"Why, I believe I am what is the matter with him. Hello, Severus. Care to give your grandfather a hug hello?" The tall man smirked down at the young teenager, who narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth, much like a dog. 

"Get the hell away from me. I don't want to see you," Severus whispered, his voice deadly.

"Now what kind of welcome is that for your dear grandfather? Your mother will not be pleased. I'll have to tell her when I return home. She's having such a great time, Severus, it is only too bad you do not wish to see her."

Severus, trying to keep his composure in front of Elise, sucked in a breath. It took all his might not to hex his grandfather into a dark oblivion.

"S-Severus?" Elise asked, witnessing the staring match between two Prince generations.

"Hello, dear! I don't think I've properly introduced myself. I am second in command at the Ministry of Magic, and Severus's-" He looked over to the boy whose knuckles were white as they clutched his wand- "Grandfather." Elise, sensing the odd tension between the two, decided to stay a perfect lady, and curtsied in front of the elder gentleman.

"Good day, sir, I am Elise Aguirre, and this is my father's home."

"Ah yes, I've heard wonderful things about your father at the ministry. He's making strides, Miss. Aguirre, in the transportation department." The man smiled deceivingly and then turned back to his grandson.

"Right well, I must be going. Until next time, Severus, Elise," And he turned and walked back into the house.

Confusion played upon Elise's face as she turned back to Severus, who was glued to his spot, his hand still tight around his wand.

"Severus-what just happened? I-I thought you said you didn't know your grandparents."

"I don't. They are dead to me. That man is a-a-a bastard," Severus stumbled, releasing the grip on his wand. "And someday, Elise, someday I am going to kill him."

Elise, mouth open in surprise, took a few steps forward to him.

"Now you don't mean that. Whatever he's done, it can't be that bad-"

"OH YES it can, and when I am strong enough, when I am powerful enough, I will kill him." 

"Do you- do you want to talk about it?" Elise asked meekly, staring into Severus's black, unforgiving eyes.

"No," he said harshly. Leaving her outside, he stalked into the house and shut himself in the room he was staying in, trying to ignore everything that had happened that day.

The next day, he left the Aguirre house, thanking them for everything they'd done for him. Elise had tried to speak to him the night before, but he had either been asleep or completely shut off from the rest of the world. 

That morning, he had decided to go ahead and leave, as the plans had been all along.

After the episode that had taken place between his grandfather and him, Severus was eager to get back to Hogwarts and start planning his revenge. He had been thinking of some spells with which to avenge his mother, but none of them had turned out right. Creating spells was particularly difficult, especially for a wizard who was not specifically trained in the art of creating new spells, but Severus had been working on a few of his own. They were being created to defend himself, not just against his grandfather, but against Potter and Black as well. One particular spell, Levicorpus, was coming along rather well, and Severus was eager to test it out on the two dunderheads.

But now, he had to say goodbye to Elise and make his way back to the school.

"I don't know what happened yesterday, between you and that man, and I don't know why you stayed locked in your room, but please don't turn away from me anymore," Elise said quietly as he was packing his things.

"I wasn't running from you. I'm not turning from you. I don't even know what is going on, I just need some time. It isn't about you…it has never been about you," Severus said cryptically.

"What does that mean? Severus- I- I don't know, I guess I'm developing some feelings for you, and it scares me, because of what it will mean for both of us," Elise replied pensively.

"Why?" Severus asked, his interest sparked.

"House lines. What people will think. I-I like you, Severus, but I don't know if I should jump head first into a relationship."

"No one is asking you to," Severus answered truthfully. "What happened in the woods…it was nice. It was more than nice. But OWLs are coming up and I have things to do." Severus was speaking from his hear, even though it was hard for him to say the words. He admired Elise more than anyone else at his school, more than his friends, more than his house mates. She was one of a kind, and he adored her for that. But the truth she was saying, it was truth indeed.

"So- we're agreeing to be friends still…for now?" Elise asked.

"Friends. For now," Severus said, his lips curled in a small smile- a rarity.

"See you at start of term, then," she said.

"I'll see you then."


	12. Snap

December bled into January, and soon enough classes resumed at Hogwarts. Severus had been hard at work perfecting spells, wondering if they did to humans what they did to inanimate objects. He was able to hang books and other things in the air upside down, and he even slashed the cover of his transfiguration text with one of his spells. He had spent the remainder of his winter break doing this as well as avoiding Narcissa Black. If there was one thing that made him uncomfortable, it was that girl.

What he didn't count on, however, was the odd feeling he had whenever the students returned to school. He passed Elise in the hallway as he had done so many times before, yet it felt odd- downright wrong, even- to completely ignore her as they walked down the halls. They had, after all, shared a moment that many don't in a lifetime. And she had kissed him, for whatever it was worth. Severus tried to forget about this little aspect; it just complicated things much more than he was willing to admit.

After term started, however, the two had their usual rendezvous to being the intensive studying that would encompass their world in the months leading up to OWLs. It was just as it had been- Elise poking fun at him in her general, good natured manner, and Severus sacrificing jesting in the name of relentless study.

On a chilly February evening, the two had set up shop in their abandoned classroom in order to study potions. Elise played with her hair while Severus wrote the ingredients to an obscure potion from memory.

"Honestly, Severus, can't we just take a break?" Elise asked, sighing.

"No, we can't. What is the point of meeting every week if we aren't going to study?"

"To Talk! To catch up! I don't have any idea what's going on in your life right now, and you've no idea what's going on in mine!" 

"O.W.L.s are going on in my life right now," Severus answered, not even turning to face her.

"Sirius asked me to Hogsmeade…for Valentine's Day." Severus halted his writing and finally turned to face Elise.

"What?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Sirius Black…he asked me the other day at breakfast to go with him to Hogsmeade. I-I haven't given him an answer yet, I wanted to check with you first,"

His insides were reeling. His fair Elise, in the hands of that no good bastard. It was all he could do to keep from vomiting all over the floor. 

"I-um-what makes you think you need to check with me in order to go out with that-that git," he spat nastily.

"Actually, Sirius is quite a nice guy, even if his head is stuck up his arse sometimes. He asked me very sweetly, Potter wasn't even around him. And James, of course, has asked Lily about four hundred times and she keeps saying no, so I might tell Sirius no just to be with Lily but…I can't deny that I was thinking about saying yes."

Severus silently seethed, but he didn't want Elise to know his true feelings toward her. After all, they had made that touching vow to be friends.

"Well, what do I care if you run off with the fool. Have a lovely Valentine's Day," he said quietly, staring at the floor.

Elise's face remained unchanged. "I just wanted to know what you thought of the idea."

"Oh I think it's a brilliant idea. And do you think he will let you come near me once you start dating or whatever it is you plan to do. You can pretty much kiss these little study dates goodbye, because he'll keep you under lock and key, Elise," Severus huffed.

Elise rolled her eyes. "Always one for the dramatics, Severus. Just because I may accompany him to Hogsmeade doesn't mean I want to run away with him and have his babies, for Merlin's sake. I'm just saying, I'd like to try it out, see what happens. And don't worry, I'll make sure that these continue. I'll think up an excuse, something. You're one of my best friends, Severus."

"Oh dear, hand me a tissue, I think I'm tearing up," he remarked sarcastically, and Else playfully hit him on the arm.

"I swear, sometimes I just want to kick you." He turned to look at her, tempted to say something in return, yet he held himself back.

"Moving on to the Torifikus potion-"

Elise groaned and sat back down, dreading another hour of Severus's mindless droning.

On Valentine's Day, Severus was in a right foul mood. He'd watched everyone leave for the trip to Hogsmeade, and yet he stayed behind. He wanted to put the finishing touches on his newest spells and perhaps try them out on some unsuspecting first years. As he was practicing the precise wand movements, there was a tap at the fifth year dormitory door. 

"Enter," Severus said distractedly, trying to concentrate.

"Um, Severus, this was just delivered from an owl, and I thought I'd bring it to you," a flowery female voice said. Severus looked up into Narcissa's big eyes.

"I-er-thanks, Narcissa," he said quietly, taking the bit of rolled up parchment.

"I'll be seeing you then," she said, turning to leave. Severus was relieved when her foot steps disappeared. He wasn't the least bit surprised that she had not accompanied everyone else to Hogsmeade.

Curious, he unrolled the bit of parchment and gasped when he saw the familiar scrawl.

_My Dearest Severus,  
It has been many months since I have spoken to you. I have recently come to the knowledge that my father has been keeping me locked up under the imperius curse in order to keep me here. He does not know that I have thrown it off. When he finds out, I most likely will be under again for a while. I cannot find my mother, and this only leads me to believe that she's been killed, although I cannot say for sure. I do hope you're being a good boy. If I remember correctly your O.W.L.s are quickly approaching and it's very important you do well. I have to ask you though, please, for me, don't come after me. I'll be fine. I just want you to know that I am alright, that I am alive, and that everything is alright. I love you so much, Severus. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life, the sweetest little boy, and you are going to grow up to be a wonderful man. I hope someday we can meet again, but until that day I must go before I get caught. Be strong for me, My Severus_

Love,

Mother

Severus bit his bottom lip and slid down to the floor, awestruck. His mother. She was alive, and that bastard was keeping her hostage! He knew there'd been something amiss that day when his grandfather had come to make his life hell. He sighed deeply, unsure of what to think. He decided to go outside and walk around. He put on his coat and made his way outside, trying to decide the appropriate way to react to the letter. Snow suffocated the grounds that were so lush and green in the summer months. Severus sat atop a stump on the edge of the forest, lost in thought.

With all his being, all the wanted to do was leave school and run to his mother's rescue. The wounds still ran deep with the rejection she had shown him that day, even if it had been controlled by his grandfather. He could see the disgust on her face as she looked at him, as she cast his frail body aside with her suitcases. He remembered his tear stained face as he cried out her name is sheer terror and despair. And, he remembered her not looking back. It had all been a lie, he felt the sting of her rejection as though it had occurred just moments before. He pulled the note from his pocket and began to read it again, looking for clues or any hidden messages.

He did not notice the group arriving back from Hogsmeade until he heard the merry chatter of his classmates when they were feet away. He looked up and decided that he too had best get inside. Head buried within his mother's cryptic words, he followed the group, and didn't notice that the mass of people had stopped moving. He unceremoniously ran into the person in front of him. He began to apologize absentmindedly when he realized it was none other than Elise.

"I uh- sorry," he stumbled, trying to maintain his supposed anonymity toward her.

"Right," she replied quietly.

"Whoa whoa whoa, you greasy git, you had better apologize more sincerely than that. That's my girl that you just ran in to," Sirius Black's voice rang out. His worst fears brought to face him, Severus turned to look into Sirius's angry eyes.

"It was an accident. I said I'm sorry. I need to be on my way now," he replied distractedly.

"I don't think so, Snape. Get down on your knees and apologize to the fair Miss Aguirre."

"That won't be necessary, Sirius, I'm quite alright, it was just an accident," Elise pleaded.

"No, it is," James Potter put in. "Go on, then." He pointed his wand at Severus's feet, and he fell to the floor. Enraged, Severus rose from the ground.

"_Do it again,_" he hissed. "Do it again, you bastard."

"Fine!" Sirius said, making Severus fall again. His mother's note fell from his hands, and Sirius bent over to pick it up.

"Sirius! Stop it! Severus, are you alright?" Elise asked, but Severus ignored her.

"BLACK!" he yelled. Sirius turned to face him, and James appeared at his side. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew stayed back behind them, not helping either party.

"You want this back from…let's see…ah, mother. How nice."

"_Levicorpus!_" Severus bellowed, and suddenly Sirius Black was in mid air, hanging upside down. Elise screamed, and everyone else who was still outside turned to stare.

"What the fuck!" James Potter swore, watching his friend flailing in mid air. "Bloody hell, let him down, you git,_ let him go!_"

"Don't you ever say anything about my mother, or anyone else close to me for that matter. You leave me alone, or next time, I'm going to do something a lot worse. Do you understand me?" Severus snarled. When Sirius did not answer, Severus wiggled his wand, making Sirius's body jump as well. Sirius finally let out a stifled yell.

"YES!" 

Severus let him drop to the frozen ground in a heap. Sirius, got up, his face beet red, and began to charge after Severus. James held Sirius's shoulders back so that he couldn't take revenge.

"It's not worth it, Sirius!" Remus Lupin yelled, and he narrowed his eyes in Severus's direction. "You'd best get out of here," he said. Severus glared at the lot of them and turned to look at Elise, who cowered next to Lily. Severus nodded his acknowledgement toward the ladies and then stalked off to the dormitories.

He hadn't felt so good in months.


	13. Snape's Worst Memory Remix

For the next few months, Severus floated through his school work and studied intensely for the ever approaching O.W.L.s. The best thing about it all was that he didn't have to worry about Potter and Black, because they seemed to be steering clear of him whenever possible.

The only thing he regretted about the day that he had levitated Sirius to what he was sure was an ever embarrassing moment for the black haired twit, was his relationship with Elise. He had really frightened her with his impulsive anger and his eagerness to harm the two imbeciles that had begun to call themselves "the marauders." Still, their meetings pressed on, and no words were spoken about what had happened that day. Their relationship remained professional, and Severus was fine with this- less temptation, less time to mess up his hard earned intelligence and ability to abstain from the beautiful flower that was Elise.

His unwillingness to embrace his own feelings, however, had driven her right into the arms of Sirius Black, another travesty that was left unmentioned in their meetings.

On one particular evening at the end of April, the pair was studying a particularly tricky potion when Elise finally spoke up about everything she'd been holding back since February.

"How much dark magic do you know?" she asked cautiously, interrupting his meticulous thoughts.

"I-er- what?" he asked distractedly.

"You heard me. Dark magic. How much do you know?"

"Why do you care?" he spat at her. She did not shrink back in fear as she once had.

"Because! Because friends tell each other this kind of thing, because you owe it to me to tell me, because you attacked my-my boyfriend with it, because you radiate dark magic! How much do you know?"

"A lot, ok? I know a lot of dark magic. I grew up with it, it's fascinating. I know things that could make your toes curl…in fact, I've been working on a few of my own spells, if you must know, if you're so nosy that you can't keep to your own business, and I plan to try most of them out on the insufferable piece of trash that is your, boyfriend, as you so call him. Is that what you want to hear?" Elise rose from her seat, a fire inside her burning brightly as she responded with the same biting tone he'd used with her.

"Don't you lecture me about Sirius. That is a place that you are not allowed to go. Don't think that I don't see that fire in your eyes, Severus…the way you look at me…I see it every time we meet. You _want _me. I know you do." Severus was completely taken aback by her blunt admission that she was able to solve the enigma of his feelings.

"Don't be pretentious," he said, smirking at her. "We are merely in a business relationship. I am tutoring you, as has been our relationship since the first day you approached me. I see no room for anything further." He hadn't meant that, but he let the words roll off his tongue anyway, watching her expression grow more and more conflicted.

"Do you know what I risk every time I come to these meetings, Severus?" she spat. "My boyfriend thinks that I am taking remedial Transfiguration, which could very well be the case seeing that I am horrible in that subject, but do you know what it does to me to lie? Just so that I can come here and have you walk all over me as if you are the smartest man on the fact of this earth? I am not fooled by any means. I don't want to be a pawn in your game. I'm not just a fun fling every week- we used to be so close, don't you remember? What happened, what has changed?"

"BLACK!" Severus exclaimed. "He taunts me, tortures me, and you are ok with that enough to go so far as to be his little love bird pet! I have had enough of this mindless droning! I have more things to do than contemplate what could have been or should have been." He watched the tears bubble in Elise's eyes, yet he stood his ground, glaring at her.

"When did you become such a-a _Slytherin_?" she asked quietly.

"So now we're down to stereotypes. I've always been a Slytherin, you were just too disillusioned to notice." 

"Disillusioned?" she repeated. "You know, Lily always used to tell me that you were something different- that you weren't like the rest of the Slytherins…that you actually had a heart somewhere."

"My heart died with my bastard father. I don't have time for this-"

"Why don't you open up to me about-"

"I'M FINISHED!" He yelled, gathering his things. He left Elise standing in the room, tears streaming down her face. It was better this way.

A few weeks later, O.W.L.s were upon the fifth years, and Severus found himself doing nothing but staring into books. He was fairly sure he'd done well in most of his O.W.L.s, but he was most excited about potions and defense against the dark arts. He was positive that he'd scored an O in at least those two, if nothing else. After his Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L., Severus found himself outside in the warm air, happy that the stress of the year was almost completed.

It was a gorgeous day; the sun shone brightly and many of the Hogwarts' students were out enjoying the weather.

Severus took the time to leisurely enjoy a book on the many ways to kill a vampire underneath a tree. He did not hear the marauders approach. He did not know the horror that was about to take place. He had no clue that the approaching moment would haunt his dreams for the rest of his life- he was merely enjoying a nice read.

The gits began to taunt him, and Severus grew weary of their futile advances. Soap in his mouth, bubbles pouring from it, unable to contain it...Severus panicked. He became desperate...what did he know that they didn't, what could he use to his own advantage..quick! Think of something, _anything_ To assert his authority, he used his newest creation on James Potter, his newest spell, created only for those who despised more than anything. He'd written in it in the margin of the advanced potions book that had been his mother's, the book that he'd memorized from cover to cover. It was an impulse, it was self protection, it was probably stupid. But it was done, and though he knew it was wrong, Severus felt somewhat proud that James had been taken aback. As blood dripped down James Potter's face from the first use of the sectumsempra curse, Severus felt empowered.

And then it happened. His own spell used against him. What had been such an enjoyable experience a few months ago had now turned on him, mocking him. Upside he hung, James Potter and Sirius Black standing under him, Peter Pettigrew clapping like an idiot under the tree, and Remus Lupin the prefect conveniently ignoring the situation.

Before he knew it, he was half unclothed, people standing around staring at every inch of Severus that had been revealed. Everything...his underpants completely torn off. Black and Potter were making comments...he couldn't hear anymore, he was blocking it out.

If Severus could have turned red from embarrassment, he would have, but all the blood had already rushed to his head. He heard the girls scream; he heard Lily come to his defense. And he heard himself utter the word mudblood in her presence- it was not as if he wasn't completely surrounded by Slytherins who would hex him into eternity, after Black and Potter were finished with him, by accepting help from a mudblood. Lily slunk away, but Elise stood on, mouth covered in horror.

It seemed to continue forever, as though time had stopped and everything in the universe was taunting Severus at that exact moment.

When they finally released him, Elise ran to his side, much to the disgust of Sirius Black.

"Oy, Aguirre, what the hell? Come on, babe, it's almost dinner time."

"What in the hell is your problem, Sirius? Why did you do this to him?" she asked angrily, but Severus would not have them argue over him while he was present.

"I don't need any help from any of you. Get out of my way," he snarled, shaking Elise off of her and dusting himself off as he stood. He felt more than violated, more horrible than anyone should ever feel.

"Severus!" she shrieked, "Let me help you, please!"

"Elise, go away," he replied, walking quickly, averting his eyes away from the crowd's stares.

"SEVERUS!"

"I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, stay away from me," he snarled, turning back around.

"Severus, wait!" He stopped this time and let Elise approach, leaving the confused marauders behind him. In a soft whisper, he cupped her chin up to look into his eyes.

"Elise," he breathed, "Just leave me alone. Stop wasting your time on me. I'm not worth it. Go back to your boyfriend." His voice grew increasingly louder and bitter, and after holding her gaze for a moment, he turned and walked away.

He'd done the last bit for her, the last drop of kindness squeezed out of him. As much as he didn't want to admit it, his feelings were still there, and Elise would always be his flower, but it would never be enough. He would never be enough.


	14. Moving Along

Severus Snape did not know what he wanted to be for the rest of his life. With summer drawing to a close, he had received his O.W.L.s back, and he had gotten an Outstaning O.W.L. in almost every class he took one in, excelling specifically in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Severus wanted to be happy, but the events of late in his life caused him to be anything but happy. He hadn't heard from Elise in all of the summer; not that he should be surprised at all. Severus was secluded in his little shack on the hill, the one that had so many dismal memories of his childhood, the one that both his mother and father had left him in. He had thought briefly about going to find his grandfather and killing him, but he refrained mostly because he wanted to wait until he was more powerful.

Upon his return to school, he was happy to see some of his old friends, if they could be called that, from the Slytherin house. Regulus Black, in particular, had always been someone to talk to, when he wasn't being annoying as younger children tend to do. In the morning after the feast in the great hall, Severus was handed his schedule by his head of house. The schedule read N.E.W.T. level potions, defense against the dark arts, transfiguration, arithmancy, and a few other classes. The category at the top for his career path of choice was healer, though Severus wasn't even sure if this was what he wanted to do. It sounded good at the time, sure, but Severus didn't really see himself as a healer. He had a brief vision of bloody messes of people and injured children and their whiney overprotective parents. Quickly he knew this was not the career path for him.

Still, he attended the classes assigned to him without much of a word, trying to find footing where none could be found. On one particular day in the library, he came face to face with Elise Aguirre. Now sixteen years old, Elise Aguirre had blossomed into a beautiful woman. She was a bit taller, but absolutely gorgeous, and everyone knew that she belonged to Sirius Black. Still, with his nose buried in a book, Severus did not notice her presence as she sat down to join him at a study table. She cleared her throat and Severus looked up.

"You," he said, narrowing his eyes out of habit. 

"Hello, Severus," she drawled quietly. Severus felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"You sound different," he remarked casually, looking back down at his potions text.

"Yes, well I studied abroad this summer, in America." Severus nodded simply, continuing to stare blankly at the black letters.

"How've you been?"

"Spectacular," he replied, refusing to elaborate.

"I see. Well, my summer was fantastic, of course I missed all my friends, my parents, and-"

"Sirius, I suppose? You missed your dear love?" He asked sarcastically.  
"Don't be like that," she said, continuing to talk very quietly. "Don't bring up the past."

"The ass had me turned upside down in front of the whole student body, that's not something that one forgets easily, Elise."

"I'm not asking you to forget it, I'm asking you to stop blaming me for it. I had no idea they were going to do that. I had no idea that they could be so-so unbelievably cruel."

"Well guess what- they were. They were horrible, not saying that I was innocent, because believe me, I want to take credit for the great things that I did that day- but they were terribly rude. My problem is that you, of course, stayed by his side like a dedicated puppy," Severus spat at her. But instead of retorting, Elise gave a small half smile.

"You know, Severus, I imagined you would probably start talking about how I stayed by his side. I figured you'd harbor all these negative feelings- that's just in your character. However, I have the power to forgive. I have the power to overlook the faults of others' and see the true people. Yes, their actions were deplorable, but they are good people, and you should try forgiveness for a change. It's really a good feeling." Severus shrank from the offensive, yet the weight of her words were lost upon him.

"Why did you come over here?" he asked.

"To talk to my old friend, Severus. We got rather close, you and I, in those few months, and then you let it get lost. You're very dark. But I admire you, and I will continue to pursue a relationship with you, some kind of informal friendship, if you'll allow it."

"I certainly will not, you assume too easily that you can shape me into the person you want me to be, however I continue to assert my stubbornness and unwillingness to change for you." He was proud as he stood his ground. But to his surprise, she once again smiled at him.

"We'll see then, Severus. We shall see what happens throughout this year. I predict that somewhere along the line, you'll want to talk to me again, and when that day comes, I'll gladly welcome your conversation." She rose to leave.

"Right well, we'll see."

Hours later, Severus lie awake, staring blankly at the ceiling, unable to go to sleep. He kept thinking about his earlier conversation with Elise, and how his heart flip-flopped in his chest when she set down.  
He hadn't spoken to either of the twits from Gryffindor this year. Maybe if he steered clear of Elise he wouldn't have to talk to them anymore. Right. He also thought a little bit about Narcissa Black, and he wasn't quite sure why she stuck in his mind at this particular time. There had been a lot of hushed talk around the Slytherin common room about the rising force with the so called Dark Lord. Severus didn't know much about the so-called Dark Lord, and he wasn't quite sure what he thought about the cause that had so many riled up in his house. He decided that he would wait and see-afterall, that is what he had spent most of his life doing.

A few months later, Severus was excelling in almost every class. His grades had never been better, and he was actually enjoying his time at Hogwarts, as long as he could fully immerse himself in studies. However, one day, he received an unexpected visitor as he walked from the Great hall after breakfast.

"Psst. Severus." Severus glanced behind him and stopped dead in his tracks.

"What in the name of Merlin do you think you're doing, speaking to me. Get away from me before I hex you into oblivion," Severus snarled.

"Relax. I'm not going to attack you. Actually, I have some information you might find useful in your…life. But you'll have to meet me in a couple of days, at one in the morning," Sirius Black replied. He was alone, which Severus found odd and disturbing.

"Right. Leave me alone, I'm leaving-"

"Seriously, Severus, this is not something you are going to want to miss. I think you'll find it highly curious." He smiled seemingly genuinely and patted Severus on his back as he walked away.

"Don't you touch me, you stupid filth!" Severus exclaimed. Yet he did not send hexes Sirius's way. His curiosity was piqued.

"Meet me in front of the castle in three days time. One AM, don't be late." Scowling, Severus turned away, disgusted that he might actually go. 

But as was his nature, Severus could not draw himself away. And so he made the fateful plans to meet Sirius and find out what was so fantastic that it would make Sirius Black act civilly toward his greatest enemy.


	15. Lest You Find Out

Chew. Chew. Chew. Drink. Swallow. Sigh.  
Chew. Chew. Chew. Drink. Swallow. Stare.

Severus sat idly in the great hall, listening to the chatter of the students. He'd been rather enjoying his life lately, mostly since the Gryffindor Gits, Elise included, had decided to make a rather abrupt departure from his life. Yes, chewing and swallowing his food with no interruptions. How fantastic.

Because of his anti social behavior, maybe he was the only one to notice. And what he saw that bright November morning, he had never seen before.

No one else even noticed. Too busy wrapped up in their stupid, insignificant lives, gossiping gaily and worrying about exams. As he saw the scene before him, he noticed that, though they weren't paying attention, many of the older Slytherins occupying the table made minimal noise and spoke quietly. Severus gazed up at the staff table. The staff was chatting like normal, except Dumbledore.

Dumbledore always had an eye for food. He'd always be the first to eat at the staff table, all the while those bewitching blue eyes twinkling. But today he sat, barely tuching his food, his eyes dull, and his face somewhat sunken in. A subtle change; only the most astute would notice. Though most of the Slytherins despised that mudblood loving fool, Severus had an admiration for the old man.

And as he watched Dumbledore's tired eyes scan the room, Severus knew something horrible had happened. Maybe something involving this new Dark Lord, by the way the Slytherins were keeping to themselves.

Later, in the common room, Severus spoke to Goyle, a person he knew to have blind faith in this new Lord.

"Ah, interested in joining up too, Severus?" Goyle smiled broadly at the 6th year.

"Considering, yes," Severus lied, eager to find out what had happened.

"Well, you'll be interested to know that Dark Lord Voldemort has surfaced. In the houses of mudbloods, just last night. Killed about thirty of them, He did, just because he could. Fantastic way to make Himself known, if you ask me," Goyle said matter-of-factly.

"Dear God," Severus breathed. It was so brutal, so heartless, so...phenomenal. It wasn't the killing he was attracted to, but the power. The power to intimidate everyone, to make people drop to their knees in fear- enemies bow before the master with no choice in the matter.

This person...this Lord...had the power to take that annoying twinkle out of Dumbledore's eyes.

Severus couldn't believe he was considering obtaining more information about this. He was a halfblood, after all, and he was certain he would fit no where among the ranks.

Severus mumbled a quick farewell and trudged up to his dorm, deep in thought.

Sitting there as night time approached, he realized that his scheduled "meeting" with Sirius Black was the following evening. Severus was torn between going and turning down such a ridiculous invitation. One in the morning? Surely he must know the consequences of being caught outside after hours- but when, exactly, did Sirius Black ever think about the consequences of an action? Severus hated him. He hated him more than most things, but he hated him most of all for taking Elise away from him.

Severus hated the way she always made him feel, and he felt foolish and downright stupid for believing that perhaps he could melt away his hardened exterior as though it were the last of the spring snow. Everytime he thought about it- and he did often- it made him absolutely sick to his stomach that one stupid girl could twist his insides yet captivate him in such a way he'd never known. He hated that girl. Oh how he loved her, but _oh_ how he hated her! And how he absolutely loathed the situation- how he absolutely abhorred the fact that he was probably going to go down to the large wooden entrance doors to the castle and proceed outside in the early morning hours.

God, he hated bullshit. He was full of all kind of hatred; it was his protection. It kept him from getting hurt, kept him from being vulnerable, and kept him from all love. It was his solace.

He also briefly thought about his grandfather and mother. It was still a sore spot for him, especially since the last time he had saw his grandfather had been less than brilliant. He vowed vengance...someday. Someday he'd get his mother back, and he'd be as cold to her just as she had been to him. He remembered the begging and the pleading...the screaming he'd done. It embarassed him now, he'd been such a child. And when he did get his mother back, after a somewhat awkward reunion, he'd show her the same curtousy she had shown him all those years back- none.

The next evening, much to his chagrin, Severus snuck up from the dungeons, careful not to be seen by any of the teachers on duty. He had no idea why he was trusting Black- it was possibly one of the most stupid things he'd ever done. After all, it could be a dirty nasty trap; however, he was sure that if it was completely horrible, Elise would have heard something and warned him. He was nearly caught once, near the entrance hall, but slipped by without being noticed. Cursing himself the whole way, he opened the big doors and walked out onto the grounds.

He looked up at the clear night sky and noticed the bright full moon shining down at him, almost urging him to continue on through his journey. And so he did, walking briskly until he saw Sirius come into view. The trees around him were dark and casted full, ominous shadows in the wane light of the moon. It made Sirius look wicked, and Severus instinctively narrowed his eyes at his enemy.

"Severus, how fantastic for you to be here," Sirius said with a wide smile on his face.

"Don't smile at me, Black. I'm merely here to see what is so exciting that you'd bring me here in the middle of the night." Sirius nodded.

"Of course," he said quietly, leading Severus down a path to the newly planted Whomping Willow tree toward the back of the grounds. Severus felt odd, as though maybe he shouldn't be here, especially since the whomping willow tree was less than kind.

"Why are you taking me here, I don't like the looks of this, I'm going back to the castle and reporting you immediately-"

"Put a sock in it, Snape. If you do that, you'll get in trouble too, and I highly doubt you'd want something as minor as this to put more scorch marks on your record," Sirius smirked. Severus knew he was right; he'd come this far, though still having absolutely no idea why he would do something so careless.

"Come with me," Black whispered. But before Severus could walk further, a stag came from the depths of the forbidden forest, trotting gracefully over to the tree. Seemingly though, when the animal caught a glance of Snape, it seemed alarmed and ran away. Sirius looked annoyed but continued on with his journey, leading Snape. Severus tripped over some roots and heard Black snicker, but lead him further to the base of the tree, where he touched a knob and made the tree stop shuddering.

"Just in through there...go on. I've already seen it, I don't want to take away from the phenomenal scene waiting for you."

Alarmed, Severus followed, his curiousity driving him in full force. Whatever they were doing, it was highly against school rules. Inside the tree now there seemed to be some kind of secret passage, which Severus examined briefly. He walked slowly and steadily through the passage, having no idea why he was there and no idea what was waiting for him.

Suddenly out of no where a great roar shook the walls of the passage. Severus stopped, a fear he hadn't felt seeping up through his body.

"Black?" Severus yelled, to no avail due to the depth he'd traveled into the passage. Severus inched closer, not sure what was driving his legs. Another roar and suddenly a beady pair of eyes shone through in the blackness. It wasn't...It couldn't be...a werewolf? Severus realized the trouble he was in as the werewolf advanced on him, slowly evaluating his prey.

Severus knew he was going to die, or be turned into a ferocious werewolf. Either way, his life was about to change, and no one was there to help him. He swallowed hard, thinking about Elise and prepared himself for the inevitable. Suddenly, he heard footsteps echoing behind him. '

"SNAPE!" Came a familiar voice, and Severus turned to see James Potter running at him.

"Come on, we've got to go!" Suddenly, the werewolf swung at Snape, leaving a large gaping wound across his back. His tattered robes hung off him as he stood in shock, blood running down his pale skin.

"NOW, SEVERUS!" James manuevered himself between the beast and Severus,he heldoff the beast for just a moment so that Severus could get away, but, in complete shock, Severus just stared, unable to move. James grabbed him and started to run, and Severus felt somewhat woozy. He felt as though they were suddenly moving faster, as though something other than human was carrying him through the tunnels, but a faint nausea washed over him.

"What were you thinking, you idiot!"

"It was supposed to be fun, I didn't actually think he'd go all the way-"

"No,. you just didn't THINK, Sirius! Do you know how much trouble we could be in now? Do you know what Remus is going to do when he finds out what happened?"

"James, you knew about it too!"

"I didn't know, damnit, that you were going to take it this far. I thought it was a damn joke, one of your stupid ideas, Sirius! My God!"

Severus stirred, realizing he'd passed out not moments before this conversation took place.

"He's awake," Sirius stated bluntly. "The great greasy git has awoken from his peaceful slumber." James scowled at him and turned to Severus to help him up.

"Are you alright?" He asked Severus calmly.

"Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me. Animagus, are you, the whole lot? And the-the werewolf...Lupin, I presume? All of you have some nerve-"

"Severus, you musn't tell, you have to-"

"And I suppose you, a righteous hero now that you've saved me from my death, think that I will carry this sacred information with me to the grave?"

"You must," came a calm reply from behind the two Gryffindors.

"Dumbledore do you-"

"Yes Severus. I realize what has happened, and the proper events will be set into motion. You however, need to be seen by Madame Pomfrey in the hospital wing, and I'll be up to see you in the morning to discuss the evening's events." Dumbledore nodded, the twinkle still noticably missing from his eyes. And so Severus retreated, up to the hospital wing to receive treatment for his wounds.

Never again would he trust anyone at the school, not until much later, when he met someone who promised him great things.


	16. Saving Forever For Tomorrow

In the morning, he awoke. Upon the first blink of his eyes, he screamed. A loud, piercing scream of unexpected pain. It hadn't been an intended noise, but an internal cry of agony. Gritting his teeth, he sucked in a breath and remembered the night's events. Sirius Black's face floated into his mind. Sirius Black did this to him. And James Potter had saved him.

Fuck.

James Potter had put his life on the line for Severus's own. He felt grateful, and hated that he did. How awful. How perfectly awful. This was something he'd never forgive Sirius Black…or James Potter for. Never in all his years had he been so embarrassed and so unbelievably ashamed.

Had he been anyone else, he'd have cried at this very moment. He was bruised and terribly scratched, by a werewolf, which meant a very painful recovery, he had no friends, the only person he had ever wanted to confide in, he'd pushed away.

But Severus Snape did not cry. He showed no emotion. He was, first and foremost, cold. Always.

The pain was searing, marking him every time he breathed in. For the first time since his arrival, he surveyed his surroundings. Over across the room, James Potter occupied a bed bruised and battered. Great. The son of a bitch had been injured saving his life. Wonderful.

At his side, surprisingly enough, was Lily Evans, who, upon Severus's scream, rushed to his side.

"Severus, are you alright?" But he did not respond. "I'll get Madame Pomfrey!"

Minutes later, the school healer ran in, Lily trailing behind.

"Dear, drink this," she said, forcing the putrid liquid down his throat. "This will make you sleep until the worst of the pain is over."

"Will he be in much pain, Poppy, as he wakes up?"

"I'm afraid so, Albus, he was cut rather deeply. He shouldn't be in enough pain to scream as he had a few hours ago, but it will still be an intense pain."

And it was. The voices echoed in his head as Severus came to. He coughed to let them know he was awake.

"Severus," Dumbledore began quietly, "how are you feeling?" Severus nodded to him, acknowledging the pain but giving permission to talk.

"I want you to know that Sirius Black has been dealt with. It was wrong of him to trick you. But I must ask you not to breathe a word of what you heard or saw. It's very secret and concerns the well being of one of our students."

"Remus…Lupin," Severus said quietly, understanding instantly, hating that he would not be able to share the tale of his near death with everyone else. But he'd always know…he'd always know what Black had done.

Dumbledore nodded, staring down into the inky blackness of Severus's eyes. "He'd like a word with you, if you'd permit it. He's very shaken by the events of last night, and if you'd grant him a few moments of your time, I think it would heal things for both of you." 

Severus sneered at the thought of conversing with the boy who had given him such a horrible injury. But seconds later, a meek blonde boy walked slowly in the room. He looked sickly, pale and thin with large dark bags under his saddened eyes. Severus looked away as Dumbledore left them to their privacy, pushing any emotion at all down his throat. He turned back to face Lupin, face unreadable. 

"Severus, I-" Remus began as he walked closer, and to his great dismay, Severus could see small beads of salty liquid forming at the corners of Lupin's eyes. "I am so terribly sorry about what-what happened. I would never, I mean..I didn't nor would I ever deliberately hurt you, or-or anyone else for that matter, I don't- I don't know how it happened but I'm begging for your forgiveness-"

It was pathetic. And somewhere down inside, Severus understood the deep hurt that wounded Remus at the very moment. It seemed that no one ever meant to hurt Severus, except for Black, of course, but unlike his mother, Remus was here to beg for forgiveness. He was not hiding under the façade of lies, but facing truth and pleading for mercy. And somehow, in some way, Severus admired it.

"I'm to keep your secret, am I?" Severus asked the blubbering boy in front of him. "Then you must keep my forgiveness for you a secret, because there are not many who I would forgive for this- however, in my extensive studies of- your condition- I understand that you did not act in your right mind, therefore I cannot blame you for the evenings events. It was not of your fault. However, there are others who should and I am assuming will, be punished, so do not punish yourself. And if you tell anyone about this, you know the secret that I hold." Remus, who had stayed quiet, simply nodded his head, said a short thanks, and gave Severus a half smile that made him feel less than warm and fuzzy.

Without another word, he left the infirmary.

Severus was the only one left in the room later that day. Madame Pomfrey would not clear him to leave until it was absolutely assured that he did not receive any kind of wound that would change him into a werewolf. Therefore, he was held in observation, missing his classes. He passed the time by reading, long hours of everything he could get his fingers on. Two days after the accident, it was announced that Severus had a visitor. It was his first visitor, in fact, as the house of Slytherin was told that Severus had a family emergency and had to return home for a while. His guest was let in, and the moment he saw her, his heart picked up a cadence that disgusted him but thrilled him all the same.

"Severus," Elise whispered, staring down at him. "What's happened to you?"

"How did you know I was here?" he spat at her, intent on keeping his front.

"I-well, Lily told me. She wasn't supposed to say, but I knew…well, I knew it wasn't a family emergency like they were saying. I know you too well." Severus narrowed his eyes at her.

"Well then. Shouldn't you run along? I'm sure Black will be very displeased that you are here…and that I'm still alive," anger rose hotly in his throat, the words burning and escaping like fire from his dry lips.

"We're over," she said simply. "He was given some very intense disciplinary action, and I don't know why, but I do know it has something to do with you. I couldn't take it anymore, and so I broke it off with him." She sat down next to him, and put her hand on top of his, which he moved abruptly.

"So I'm just supposed to accept you back into my life, is that it?" he asked nastily. 

"Everything's okay now, now that Elise and the dumb prat have separated?" Elise shook her head, seemingly bored with his cruelness.

"Severus, do you honestly think that I came in here expecting roses and sunshine from you? I wholly expected a fight. It wouldn't be you if you just rolled over and accepted me back into your life. You are entirely too predictable." She smiled at him, as though in triumph of decoding the many moods of Severus Snape. He hated that he had allowed someone to know him so well. 

"We've spent the entirety of our relationship fighting. The last few times we've been together have been fights. It's how you defend yourself, it's how you stay on top. You talk down to people to establish dominance, I get it. Here's the thing though, Severus. I dated Sirius because it was what was expected of me, because he asked me and I said yes and it was a lovely year or so. But it was never me. That's just not who I am. I have more layers to me, I'm broken too. We compliment each other, don't you see? We were friends once, and I wish it could return to that way."

"Do you?" He asked with mild interest. She looked so pretty today, in her wretched red and gold scarf, long dark hair tied back, olive skin flawless. She looked pretty every day. Severus shouldn't have been surprised that Sirius Black would have wanted such a prize, but the thing was that he had heard people talking about Elise's less than stick-like figure. She was a bigger girl, voluptuous but gorgeous all the same. She was one of the most beautiful, womanly girls he'd ever met. Severus was about 17 years old, and he'd kept any lust hidden, but just one thought of her with him made butterflies rise in his stomach. Once again he hated himself for such thoughts and tried to hide them with his trademark bitterness and apathy.

"Well, maybe I'm not won over that easily," he finished.

"You are, though," she said quietly. "Do you remember that day, last Christmas, in the woods?"

Oh, he remembered. He had wanted to know so badly what she was going to say, had long desired to hear the lost words that had never left her lips. But to disguise this embarrassing truth, he shrugged his shoulders.

"You do too. I was, I had things to say to you, that day, in the woods. But I was too scared- I ignored it, I pushed it down, and I hid it away," she said quietly. Severus looked over at her.

"I have told you repeatedly, Elise, that you cannot just look into my soul with a magnifying glass and expect to see me laid out nice on a platter. I too have layers. And I thought constantly about you in those…those days. But we are too different. We're too far away to connect. You can never know me, you can never see me. There will always be a block in the way-"

"Because you won't let yourself be seen!" Elise interrupted. "Give me a chance, Severus. We're more alike than you think. I-I've thought about you every minute since the accident, or whatever happened to you. Worried, paced the floors awaiting your return. And you never came back. And all I could think was…what if it was something serious? What if they were with holding information? What if you truly were hurt? I couldn't live with it, and I certainly couldn't let someone I call my boyfriend get away with it. I want to be with you..I want to go to Hogsmeade with you, to have you hold me, to feel you, that's what I want. That's what I've always wanted, that's what it's always been about. You."

Severus couldn't move. He couldn't think, the pounding of his heart was too fast, too loud. His breath was ragged gasps as his mind soared with retorts, wicked, cruel things to say, ways to ward off the threat to his autonomy. But all he could manage to say, his great response to this deep revelation was, "W-what?" Smooth.

Her dark eyes connected with his. They were full of tenderness and vulnerability.

"I am telling you that I have always liked you, that even though you could be ridiculously mean and cold, something about you has always appealed to me. You're dark, you're mysterious, you're off limits according to Hogwarts social standards, you're attractive, moody but so intensely intelligent. I think I could be good for you. I think I could be something new for you. If you'd let me."

A trick. A heartless joke. She was under the imperious curse, she wasn't acting of her own will. No one would say these things to him, Severus Snape was unloveable. He'd resigned himself to this fact a long time ago. It was impossible to develop feelings for him. He was Severus Snape, the laughing stock of the young Wizard World. 

"Okay," he said quietly, staring at his hands, trying to decipher what the moment truly held. "You want to be with me? You want to…you want to be my girlfriend?" he asked awkwardly. She nodded slightly, lips pursed tightly. "Truly?"

She nodded a little more vigorously.

"I-I'll have to think about it," he said quietly. She nodded and rose slowly. 

"I'll let you think, then," she said, turning. "I'll be back soon, to make sure you're alright." She turned to leave, her hips adding to the sultry bounce in her step. And as she left the room, a part of Severus died, just as it always did when she left his presence.

He laid back in his bed, running his hand through his thick oily hair. He could see his own nose in his peripheral vision. He studied his pale skin, and shook his head. There was no way she loved him. But who said anything about love? It couldn't be possible. But anything, really, is possible.


	17. Sweet Nothings

Snow quietly fell on the Hogwarts' grounds as Severus Snape stared longingly out the window in his Charms classroom. Christmas was upon them, and he had made plans to stay at the castle. Bored thoughts swam through his mind as he tried to concentrate on the endless droning of Professor Flitwick. It was difficult though, especially considering he had Charms with the Gryffindors.

The last few weeks had been perfect. Black and Potter had left him alone mostly- but so had Elise. Her visit to him in the infirmary had been her only, and she had all but ignored him since. He had made no moves, not sure what kind of compromises he was willing to make in his life for a girl. He wasn't used to having choices.

As class wrapped up the final minutes of the term, the hustle and bustle of excited students awaiting their departure home irked Severus. He had long since stopped wishing for the warmth and tenderness of a family; it didn't fit his style. After all, if he did have a loving mother and father who would do anything for him, he probably wouldn't have ended up the man he was growing to be- and what a pity that would have been.

All bitter thoughts aside, Severus did love snow. He loved the calm, steady flow of the white precipitation, the gentle way in which it succumbed to gravity. It was so unassuming, so perfectly natural, something that always followed the laws of life. Even if it blew to the side, it would eventually make its way down to the ground. If only everything in life was so simple and beautiful.

In the next few days, he stayed mostly to himself in his room, emerging only to eat for short amounts of time before returning. He didn't want to be reminded of the season, and he didn't want to make meaningless small talk. It wasn't until Christmas Eve that he even realized Elise was still at the castle. 

He saw her sitting alone at the table, staring down at a plate full of uneaten food. The Gryffindor table was always nearly empty at Christmas time, while the Slytherin table was always about a quarter full. He couldn't tell if she was sleepy or sad or weeping, but she kept her head down and a few minutes later vacated her seat. Curious, Severus made sure no one was watching and followed the girl. 

In the great hall, he called out her name, and she turned, tears glistening in her eyes. Severus was immediately concerned, and reached out to her.

"What?" he asked. She continued down the hall, seemingly ignoring his attempts at contact. Without warning she cut a sharp left into a vacant classroom. Severus followed, now exceedingly worried. Inside, she slunk down to the floor, sobbing out words that were nearly impossible to understand.

"My Uncles…my cousins…they were murdered…a few days ago…I had left for Christmas break but…as soon as I heard I didn't want to be home any longer. My mother's sobs robbed me of sleep and gave me nightmares when I did drift off…they say that some Dark following had to do with it. I can't imagine though…" Severus knew instantly that it had been the Dark Lord Voldemort that had been behind it. It was the only person that could have had the gall to murder someone around Christmas time.

"But your immediate family-"

"They are all fine. Mother was devastated because she was so very close to that side of the family…we all were. It's just…I don't really know how to deal with it right now. So I'm not. And I'm just- I just want to be alone. Just go away. Just go away!"

Severus was taken aback by the sudden harshness in her tone. It reminded him a little of himself.

"Elise I-"

"I don't care what you have to say, I don't give a damn what ever excuse you have, Severus. I'm sick of everything, but most of all, I'm sick of you. I'm so tired of this lame disguise, like you care about me, like you even give a damn about my family, as though you're not already so self absorbed. Just leave, I'm not trying anymore, I'm not your friend, I'm nothing to you, you've made it quiet clear, now please do me an honor and leave."

Severus defied himself, went against what he knew, threw caution to the wind, and stepped forward. He moved closer to the sobbing girl. She looked so small, breaking down into bitter tears of loss, and Severus realized what a mistake he might have made.

She was the one. She was the one that he wanted, the one he wanted to spend time with, the one he wanted to be with. It was Elise. That was all. And she was hurting. So he did what his instinct told him. He did what his long stalled heart told him to do, instead of listening to the reasoning that kept him so solid. He moved to her, touched her shoulder. She looked at him, a film of tears over her eyes. He was on auto pilot now. He felt his other arm raise to her other arm and felt his thin body press into her curves. Her chest heaved with sorrow as the tears washed out onto his fading black robes.

His hair hung limp against his shoulder as she buried herself into his warmth, feeling his heart beat weakly against her breast.

"Oh Severus," she said, filling her fists with his robes, pulling him closer. His heart was racing, unsure of what to do next, completely immersed in the moment. He held her unconditionally, not wanting anything else, feeling victorious and humbled.

They stayed together for what seemed like hours, each minute rolling by as slowly as the next. Severus couldn't believe it felt so right, and felt guilty for feeling fantastic while she was crying so hard. He rubbed her back, whispering how it would be okay, reassuring her.

When they broke apart, he looked at her eyes which were red from crying.  
"I'll never leave you," he whispered, unsure of the ramifications of the statement. "I'll always be here for you, from here on out. I will never ignore you, I will always listen. You change me, you do things to me that I don't understand, you make me feel like a new person; you make me forget who I am. I am absolutely taken aback by you Elise. I don't know what to do around you. Please forgive me for my missteps." He finished, the words leaving his mouth with a slowly satisfying cadence that made her shiver.

"Should I believe you? Should I open my heart one more time to you? Just once more? I don't know if I can, Severus. Sirius was a mistake, it was always you I had my eye on, because you were so different. Because you were such a challenge…because I thought you could love me better than anyone else-"

He silenced her with a kiss, much unlike the one they shared the Christmas before. This one was passionate, full of repressed desire, of thick teenage love. He felt it pulse through his veins; he wanted her to be his forever. No one would touch her now, not with him there. He would be protective, but he would love her. 

On Christmas morning, Severus woke up. After rubbing his eyes of the sleep, he looked ahead, getting ready to dread another day, when he remembered the night before. He and Elise had talked a while longer before kissing good night and making plans to meet for a walk after breakfast.

Severus was absolutely elated, feelings pulsing through him with every breath. Everything took on a new meaning to him. Colors around the castle seemed to be brighter, the green and silver banners in the Slytherin Common room popped off the walls. He smiled at everything, even the gray morning sky which was thick with an impending snow storm.

When he rose, it was a bit early for breakfast. After the initial shock of waking up happy wore off, Severus rushed to the corner of his room where he stashed all his text books and picked up a charms text to thumb through. Once he was finished locating a specific charm, he committed it to memory, tested it out, and then rushed down for breakfast.

The great hall was decorated richly with frosted trees magically alight. The ceiling exhibited a light snow that dissipated just as it reached the top of Dumbledore's hat. Looking around the table, he spotted Elise and took a seat next to her, careful not to wear his true emotions on his face.

He waited for the outraged looks of disgust and aghast teachers to quickly separate the two of them and give him a stern lecture about how he would ruin her future by breathing within two meters of her. He felt his countenance wrinkle into a pessimistic frown. He waited.

So long, in fact, that Elise nudged him.

"Aren't you going to eat? It's delicious, the House Elves pulled out all the stops this time!"

He looked at her incredulously, and then examined the room. Doris Shingleton, a fourth year Ravenclaw, was elbow deep in a delectable looking breakfast tart, and several Slytherins were deep in conversation about the gifts they had received. There were barely any Gryffindors at the table, but those who were paid attention to their food.

No one cared. No one even noticed.

He looked at the food, decided his course, and began to eat.

It never occurred to him that he and Elise could pursue an open relationship. He'd always assumed that it would have to be secret, tucked within the depths of Hogwarts' darkened corridors. With a weight off his chest, he stuffed himself with food until he could hardly breathe.

After breakfast, Elise and Severus met under the Beech tree for a walk around the lake. Bundled tightly for the snow that had fallen heavily the night before, Elise looked like an angel. The snowfall had been wet; it coated the trees and transformed them into tall white statues. The blue sky and Christmas sun shone in between the branches, making them sparkle radiantly.

Severus looked at his girlfriend adoringly.

"Remove your coat, please," he instructed firmly. Elise raised an amused eyebrow.

"Why?" She questioned.

"Because, I have a surprise for you." Breathing deeply, Elise consented, removing her coat and scarf. He gazed at her, only briefly, before she protested.

"Severus, I'm cold!"

"Come here, stand next to me." She moved closer and put her arms around him, making him feel giddy and light hearted. With a quick flick of his wrist and a few words, a bubble sprouted from the end of his wand and enveloped them in a 73 degree spring time climate.

"What!" Elise exclaimed. "This is magnificent! What is it?"

"It's a climate charm. It wears off in about an hour. I thought it might be nice while enjoying the scenery." She laughed and the two began a walk around the edge of the lake.

"How do you know so much?" she inquired. 

"Books. Lots and lots of books. I've probably read about a thousand. It's just what I do."

"Well that's wonderful. I'm not so much a fan of books. I'm more of an observational learner."

"That's alright," Severus remarked.

In a sudden change of subject and a willingness to be close to her, Severus spoke before he thought.

"I doubt a lot of things in my life," he said.

"Do you doubt me?" she asked.

"Oh, no. Just…what I'm meant to do. Why am I here? Why have the things that have happened to me…happened?" 

"All things happen for a reason. Like my family dying…." She paused for a painful moment. "I'm still grieving, but it's part of life. If it hadn't happened…and I'm not saying that I'm glad it did, but under the circumstances….I wouldn't have been here, with you."

"How can you be so calm about it? How can you just cast it aside?"

"I'm not really casting it off, I'm just living with it. You have to believe in doubt and uncertainty. If everything in life was a sure thing, it would lose all color and spontaneity. Sadness, doubt, worry, sorrow, it's all a part of life, but we learn from it and become stronger. It is anger, greed, envy and vengeance that we must run from."

Severus knew these to be fundamental truths of existence, but hearing them from her lips gave him a new prospective. Still though, even walking with her, enjoying an intimate afternoon, he chose to play the devil's advocate and countered her poetic idealism.

"Anger and greed can drive us. It has the ability to teach us to grow as well. It can also accomplish things, sometimes great things. Power can control us all, Elise, and sometimes, especially when confronting my adversaries, anger and power control me. They help me to succeed." 

He saw a flicker of shock shine in her eyes, but she did not flinch. He hadn't meant to sound so cruel, but the words that came from his mouth were fundamental truths for his own life. It had been what had maintained him for so many years. He waited for her disgust, her unwillingness to be with someone so horrible. He waited for her to back out of their relationship, already.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I don't think any less of you, and I hope I can teach you to love life as deeply and passionately as I do." Surprised, Severus felt admiration surge in his heart. She was ready to deal with his faults.

The two stopped next to a tree and sat down. The snow melted instantly where they sat to reveal healthy green grass and a few wild flowers.

She smiled at him, and his first reaction was a smirk, but his face quickly warmed. She moved closer to him, lifted his arm, and put it around herself.

"I'm also going to have to teach you how to make a move, and approximate timing of such a move."

Severus felt embarrassment churn in the pit of his stomach. Truth be told, he had no idea what to do, but she seemed to want to teach, and he was a very good student.

Her head rested against his chest, and he smiled his fingers laced through hers, and his thumb gently caressed the flesh resting between her thumb and forefinger. Her hair smelled of jasmine and lavender, and he closed his eyes, memorizing her scent and her unique breathing cadence. He'd never felt the warm sensation that washed over him. He adored every inch of her.

In a spur of the moment gesture, he reached down and softly kissed the top of her head. She laughed through her nose and looked up at him.

"You're sweet," she said simply. No one had ever called him that before, for good reason, but coming from her, it meant the world.

"Sirius never treated me like this." The sound of his name made Severus tense up unpleasantly, but a comparison in his favor wasn't bad at all.

"Sure he'd kiss me and he always knew how to touch me-sorry!" she giggled, noticing the deep frown lines etched in Severus's face. "But I was always like a trophy, shown off to the other people at school, a reminder of what the rest of the girls couldn't have. But it wasn't me. I'm just not that social, and I couldn't get close to him. But you…I think I'm beginning to penetrate your layers."

"You do, do you?" he asked.

"I can see it in your eyes. You're changing, Severus Snape. Pretty soon, I'll have you crying, you just watch."

"Well, my dear, the best of luck to you in that endeavor. But I think I could teach you to be cold and heartless before you make me cry."

"You want to bet on that, sir?" She asked, her eyes sparkling in jest.

"And what are the terms of this bet?" Severus inquired.

"If I win, then…you have to be nice and smile all day long…and sing happy songs. And…give me a foot massage." Severus laughed.

"And if I win, you have to…spend an entire day not talking."

Elise opened her mouth indignantly and then shut it again.

"I- well, you know this could be years before this is finished," she commented.

"Yes, and I'll make sure I'm there when it happens so I can bask in the sound of silence." She play hit him and fell back into his arms.

"I don't talk THAT much!" she pouted.

"Oh, but you do, my dear, and that's just one of the reasons that I L- spend a lot of time with you."

He waited in fear, cold apprehension, to see if she had detected his slip-up, but se sighed contently and snuggled into his chest. The L word? Already? They'd been in a relationship for what, 16 hours? Severus collected himself.

Suddenly, he felt the cold creep into their perfect little world.

"The charm is wearing off, we should probably get back to the castle." She pouted again, but he insisted and helped her up. They walked back together, arm in arm. When they approached the front gate, Elise turned.

"Severus, this, by far, is the best date I've ever had, and the best Christmas. Even better than last. I can't wait to see what's going to happen for us, but I only see good things. Thank you for such a wonderful time." She reached up to him and kissed his cheek and hurried inside. Severus stood at the door to the castle, shaking in his head in shock.

For the first time in his life, he was truly happy, and damn anyone that tried to take it away from him. On a cloud, he walked slowly back to his common room, basking in the newness of his first love.


	18. Stand Up

It was a gorgeous January morning. Severus's breath hung in the air as he ran up to the castle doors. He had spent a relaxing morning on the outskirts of the forbidden forest scouring the ground for roots and such for some potion experiments he'd obtained permission to perform from Dumbledore. It was to be his first experiments o his own with school approval, but certainly not his first experiments. He rushed back to his dormitory, eager to begin his potion.

He was always poised when concocting potions. Elise said he was most handsome concentrating, his brow furrowed, his teeth gently kneading the right side of his bottom lip, his strong hands always knowing exactly what to do to make the potion respond. He no exception for this potion. He crushed the root of the terrafig flower, which curiously enough grew only in harsh winter conditions. He painstakingly crushed each of the roots from the oldest part o f it to the newest.

He was trying to make something for Dumbledore, and he wasn't quite sure what it'd do. One thing was for sure, it had off ingredients.

Tears of the chicktess's eldest child, which was thankfully in the school stock room, and three hairs of an animagus cheetah, only two of which were presently in existence and also in school stock, were two of the ingredients. 

Curiously, it was a short potion to brew.

After eight minutes, it boiled a soft blue color. Delighted at his success, Severus grabbed a vial to take to Dumbledore, when the potion began to boil regardless of the fact that it was no where near heat. 

Curious, Severus leaned over the cauldron to examine the potion when the volatile liquid violently exploded into Severus's face, coating his entire body. He felt a searing, burning pain covering his entire body. Screaming, unable to move, Severus sunk to the floor, praying for the pain to stop.

A few minutes later, he felt better. A lot better. He rose, completely perplexed. What had happened? He rose his hand to his face, petrified of what he might find. His fingers brushed his skin, and to his delight, it was still intact.

His face was uncharacteristically smooth. Then he caught sight of his hands. They were olive colored. Startled, he took a deep breath in. And in. And in. His lung capacity had more than tripled. His hand rushed to his chest, and he felt rippling muscles underneath his robes, which were now a rich black color instead of the tattered fading-to-gray robes he was used to. His hair was shorter and no where close to greasy. What had happened/

He stood up and examined himself in a mirror. His nose was shorter and his eyes were wider and clearer.

But it was still Severus. A very attractive Severus, but Severus all the same.

Confused, he made his way through the common room and into the castle halls. Girls passing through the halls did double takes and giggled with their friends. The portraits on the walls followed his every move. And there, at the end of the hall, was Elise, wearing beautiful, ornate robes. Her eyes studied him closely, and then she opened her mouth to speak.

"Severus? I-is that you?"

"Yes, my love, it's me," he confidently responded, taking her hand and kissing her passionately in a crowd of onlookers.

"But…but what happened? Why is your..your face..and..your body! Merlin…"she carried away. "Did you do this for me?"

"No!" he exclaimed. "I didn't even mean to, I was doing a potion for Dumbledore and-"

"I knew you'd change for me!" She stated suddenly, her face growing into a wide smile.

"I-what?" he asked.

"I knew you'd change for me, finally I got through to you and you realized that you weren't nearly attractive enough to be seen beside me!"

"But-"

"And even though this really is an impressive transformation, you're still not Sirius." Severus's mouth hung agape, staring at his girlfriend, whom he loved. Elise continued on.

"You can never please me like Sirius can." As if on cue, the lights dimmed and Sirius, draped in robes of crimson, stepped from out of the shadows. He grabbed Elise and kissed her even more passionately than Severus had previously.

"She's mine! Back off, Snivellus!" Suddenly, the entire student body who had been watching them previously now began to taunt him with a resounding "Snivellus!"

"No….NO!" Severus yelled. His face, his new handsome face, began to slough off, leaving hideous scars, much like a burn victim's healing body.

The student body laughed and continued chanting at him. Meanwhile, Sirius had Elise pinned to the floor and began peeling off her clothes to engage in coitus. The chorus of student body moved in and enveloped him, suffocating him. Severus's body continued to deteriorate. Sirius then left Elise, writhing from pleasure on the floor, and walked over to Severus. Gasping for breath, his deteriorating flesh smelled as though he had been dead for weeks.

"And you, Severus, are a half blooded disgrace. You're a joke. No wonder your mother never loved you and your grandfather walks all over you. You're too weak and powerless to do anything about it. You'll never amount to anything. You don't deserve life. So, consider this a favor." Sirius's wand rose high above his head as Severus's eyes began to water.

"Avada-"

Severus awoke in a cold sweat. It had been the most awful nightmare he'd ever had. His relationship with Elise had been kept moderately secret, in that James and Sirius did not know, but Lily did. Most of the Slytherins new, but they were so busy with the impending rise of the Dark Lord that they didn't seem to care. In fact, in his rush to breathe and wake up, he didn't notice the noise coming from the common room. Now though, he could hear someone with conviction speaking from downstairs. Throwing on a robe, he decided to check out what was going on. Anything was better than staying in his bed and risking going back to sleep.

He made his way downstairs, and to his great surprise, Lucius Malfoy was situated on top of a table, speaking to the Slytherins. Curious about how exactly he got into the castle in the first place, he listened as Lucius delivered his message.

"It's a once in a lifetime chance. The Great Dark Lord Voldemort has been spreading his cause throughout the great continent of Europe. We have the help of the giants, we have the dementors, and now we need warm bodies to fight for the cause. Think of it- a word without mudbloods. A world where we, as the old pure blood families, can practice magic in a safe environment, knowing that our craft will never be discovered by dirty eyes. A permanent separation between muggles, mubloods and the purebloods. And not only that, but a world where crime will be kept to a minimum. When the Dark Lord comes into power, all those who served under him will receive lavish gifts, parcels of land, and places in his personal advising staff. The most trusted will be well rewarded." Severus could have sworn there was a twinkle in Lucius's eye as he thought about it.

"The prestige is worth it alone. It is time, my brothers and sisters, for a new realm of control. It is time for the Dark Lord Voldemort to show us all what life is really supposed to be like. Join with me, and help the era of the pure blood to shine through the dirt that has clogged our institution for too long!" the crowd cheered for Lucius. Severus remained skeptical but said nothing.

It had to have been three o'clock in the morning, but those who were present, including the impressionable Regulus Black, cheered the man wearing a hooded black cape over his nostalgic green robes.

After his presentation, as though he were a celebrity, he proceeded to meet and greet the attendees. He over heard Lucius strike a conversation with Black, and decided to eaves drop to see what kind of recruiting rubbish he was promoting.

"Interested in joining up? It would certainly make your parents proud, especially afgter their disappointment of an eldest son." Regulus nodded vigorously.

"I always strive to make mother and father proud, and of course, see to it that Sirius fails. Blood is more important than all else." Lucius laughed and patted the young Slytherin on the back.

"The Dark Lord would be very pleased if you joined, very pleased indeed." Lucius then turned his eyes to meet Severus's.

"Old friend," Lucius greeted, extending his hand. Severus shook it firmly. "I expected you to be here. The Dark Lord knows of your genius as I have told him great things."

"You have?" Severus asked incredulously.

"But of course. Even with our age gap, I could see you were brilliant. And those who are brilliant the Dark Lord holds dear. Your intelligence is money, Snape. I do hope you will consider joining us after graduation which is much sooner than you think." Severus smiled, happy to be recognized for his hard work.

"Of course, Lucius. I thank you for your kind words, and I assure you I will think about joining."

Lucius smiled and then made his way to the next person. Severus took this as a signal for his leave, and trudged up the stairs to his dormitory. Join the Dark Lord? It seemed trivial, really. How could he possibly pledge allegiance to work closely with someone who would kill those who were not just like the Dark Lord himself? Voldemort, they called him. Lord Voldemort.

Severus sighed. Elise wouldn't approve of this thought at all.

Elise, with a disapproving glance, would be furious, actually. So, he kept his thoughts to himself. It was better this way, anyway.

Days passed, and before Severus knew it, February was upon them, and Valentine's Day was just days away. Elise and Severus were hanging out on a chilly afternoon walking the halls of the castle when Elise stopped and looked at him.

"Severus, you haven't asked me yet, so I'm going to ask you."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me on Valentine's Day?"

"Oh, Elise, I would love to, but I can't, contractually. I don't have a permission form."

"Oh. Well, then I will stay here with you!" She said brightly.

"No, you go. I don't want to hold you back."

"I wouldn't think of such a thing! It will be fabulous."

Severus smiled at her and reached out to grab her hand. He had learned over the past few months some cardinal rules about how to treat a lady. As their flesh connected, Severus felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and came face to face with Sirius Black.

"You…" he snarled. "I wanted to know who had wooed my ex-girlfriend, and of course, it was you."

"You leave her out of this. If you have a problem with me, we can take it somewhere else. But not in front of her."

Sirius stood aghast as Severus moved between them. 

"I always knew she was a dumb tramp anyway."

"Sirius!" Elise exclaimed, tears stinging the corners of her eyes.

"Well, what do you expect? Anyone else, Elise, anyone else and you would have had my blessing, but NO. You chose HIM. Snivellus. The idiot of our year."

"I will show you quite quickly, Black, that I am far from the idiot you underestimate me to be."

"And I will show you, Snape, that you do not fuck with Sirius Black!" 

"What the hell did I ever do to deserve your self affirming hatred? What has Elise done?"

"You are. That's why. Because you are. And as long as you are, then I will always have a problem with you," Sirius spat at them, turning to walk away. Severus felt unyielding hatred for the stupid prat who had nearly killed him, and prepared to shout a long line of expletive-ridden sentences about his cowardice, when Elise stopped him.

"Don't," she whispered. "Just let him go."

Fists balled tightly, Severus complied.

"He had no right to speak to you that way. He had no right, Elise. You were right in leaving him. He's a dishonorable man, and not at all as brave as his Gryffindor robes will have you believe.

"Let's just go. I want to work on my homework and plan Valentine's day. I don't want to think about Sirius and what he said, I only want to think about you." Severus smiled at his lovely girlfriend and complied with her wishes. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the library, Severus's favorite place, nestled closely to his favorite girl.


	19. Can You Feel My Heart Beat?

Valentine's Day crept upon Severus faster than he could have thought possible. The castle was decorated with nauseating hearts, and the talk of school was that Lily Evans had finally accepted James Potter's offer to accompany him to Hogsmeade. Or that was what Elise was rambling on about incessantly on the afternoon of February 13th.

"I just can't believe it, Severus. She talked to me for three hours last night about it. And I said to her, I said 'Lily, are you sure?' and she said 'El, I don't know!' And then I was like 'This is a huge decision' and she was like 'I know, but honestly, he's become rather charming.-'"

Briefly, Severus wondered how she had enough lung capacity to keep talking so long without taking a breath.

"And I was like, 'but it's JAMES POTTER!' and she was like 'Am I doing the right thing?' and then I looked at her right in the eye, and I said 'Lils, do what your heart tells you,' and then she said 'how did you make it work with Severus-'"

"What?" He asked, his ears perking up at the mention of his name.

"I- haven't you been listening?"

"Yes, yes, Lily, Potter, Hogsmeade," Severus recounted, though he'd only been listening with a fourth of his brain power.

"Right, so Lily asks how I fell for you, and I told her how sweet you are, and how caring and compassionate, intelligent, and how you're funny, even though you don't think you are, and you do you know what she said?"

"What?" Severus asked with mild interest.

"She said she always figured that about you. She said you were misunderstood and that James and Sirius were wrong about you. She said you were strong. She said we looked good together, and that you were probably destined for good things and that I should hold on to you."

"She did?" Severus asked incredulously.

"She did. Lils is my best friend, and she's on our side. I told her we were going to spend the whole day together."

"You did, did you?"

"Yes. I honestly can't wait. I don't know why, it's a silly day really. I'm just happy to be spending it with you." Severus reached out for her hand.

Since Sirius had learned of their relationship, everyone knew- and left them alone.

Due to the fact the school had well divided house lines such as seperate common rooms and seperate dinner tables, the couple spent a great amount of time on the castlegrounds, in the halls, and in the library. Today they were in a back corner of the library, whispering intently. A pile of books urrounded them. Slowly he moved in to Elise and tenderly kissed her lips. She reciprocated the kiss, deepening it, but when he felt a weakness throughout his body, he pulled away.

"We," he began breathlessly, "are going somewhere to be alone tomorrow." Her squeal of delight resulted in a 36 hour suspension from the library.

That evening, Severus toiled over what to give his girl for Valentine's Day. He made a late decision to scour the Hogwart's grounds for ideas. After about a half an hour of intense search, he found a small chunk of wood and an idea formed inside his brilliant mind. Snatching up the wood and another piece like it, he hurried back up to his room, and grabbed a book he'd had checked out of the library for some time now: _A Wizard's Guide to Magical Carpentry._

There was a particular design and a particular spell to enhance it that he'd had his eye on for a while. After a few quick flicks of his wand, the wood peeled off and became a nicely stained locket, which he attached on a simple white string. Then, he used a simple charm so that when it was opened, it contained a small heart that beat in the exact cadence that Severus's heart was beating. So if he was excited, she would know, if he was sleeping, she would know by the beating of his heart. He thought it was quite a novel idea and was proud of it.

He then crafted a watch-like band for himself to duplicate the spell for Elise. He prayed that Elise wouldn't figure out that he'd used old, dark magic to to charm the hearts into beating. Satisfied, he readied himself for bed and slept, eager for the next day.

"Follow me, Elise," Severus instructed. She complied, following him on an unusually warm February 14th. The sun shone brightly on the frozen earth and teased the ailing vegetation with balmy 60 degree temperatures.

"This is the forbidden forest!" Elise gasped as they took a few steps into the forest.

"I have a permit from Dumbledore to be here for advanced potions and work on my N.E.W.T. thesis for next year. Just a little further..."

Into the forest they trekked, the temperature dropping a few degrees with each step. And then, seemingly appearing like magic, there was a small clearing where the temperature rose once again.

"It's perfect!" she exclaimed. Dropping to her knees, she began to unload a basket she'd been carrying for the journey.

"I asked James what the password to the kitchen was since he goes all the time. The house elves really hooked us up!" Severus smiled as he watched her set up the picnic.

When they sat down and began to eat their sandwiches, Severus posed a question to Elise.

"Elise, why are you so good to me?"

"Well, because you are my boyfriend, and it's my duty-"

"But Why? Why me?" Elise stopped eating and gazed into his eyes.

"Because you don't treat me like a piece of meat. Because you seem to honestly care about what happens to me, maybe even moreso than yourself. You really like me."

"I do," Severus said, finishing the last bite of his sandwich.

When they were both finished with their delicious lunch, they moved the food aside and laid down together, Elise situation on Severus's left with her head upin his chest. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the locket he'd made the night before. "Close your eyes and hold out your hand."

She followed his instructions, and he put the locket in her hand.

"Open your eyes, love," he said quietly. She gasped upon seeing it.

"Severus!"

"You're beautiful, Elise Aguirre, I love you, and I wanted you to have my heart."

"Oh Severus, I love you too!" She hugged him tightly and then kissed him. Upon seeing the heart in the locket, she gasped, small tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"And now I'll have you with me at all times."

"And I shall have you." He then said the spell that activated the watch on his wrist.

"Oh!" she said. She listened to his heart while running her hand along the inside of his wrist.

"Why, Severus Snape! I believe your pulse just picked up speed!"

Unable to contain himself, he rolled over to her, his lips crashing recklessly into hers. She let him lead, succombing to his will. He kissed her face, her lips, her neck, memorizing the sweet taste of her body. His hands were everywhere, brushing each curve, carassing her soft skin. Her soft moans let him know his actions were well received.

For the first time in his life, he was not embarassed by his emotions, knowing that it was okay and giving into the sensation of feeling. His heart fluttered against her, and he held her, as though she were fragile and in danger of being broken.

"Severus," she breathed his name, empowering him, making him feel more manly as he gained the courage to touch her in a place he'd never truly touched a woman before.

"I've waited ages..." he trailed off, making her giggle.

No clothes were shed, not even hands under the clothes, but it was the most divinely sweet thing Severus had ever experienced.

When the two were finished basking in the advantages of teenage lust, he held her some more, running his fingers through her thick, dark hair.

"Severus, I do love you. Your gift has touched me, and I'll never take it off. I'll keep you close always." Severus nodded, kissing the top of her forehead.

"I was..I was alright, right?" He asked awkwardly, inquiring about their make-out session.

"Fantastic," she said, a wide smile on her face. "The best ever."

"You know," Severus said, changing the subject, "I'm 17 now...I'm eligible for my apparition license. We're starting practices on Monday, and I'm a bit nervous about it."

"I won't be 17 for a few more months, in April, but I'm excited. I'm hoping that over the summer we can just apparate to be together. Won't that be phenomenal?" she asked.

"It will. I can't wait to spend my summer with you. I think, milady, that it will be the first happy summer I've ever had."

"Well, then I shall wait for baited breath for the time when we can spend every day togehter in whatever room we want, share meals together, and have many more sessions like today!" Severus laughed at Elise.

"We'd probably better get back to the castle, they'll be coming back from Hogsmeade soon."

"Of course. Let's start back. I just want you to know that...spending time with you is the best thing in my life right now."

"I'm glad I can make your life so complete," Severus said. He smiled at her. He only smiled for her. It was quite out of his normal nature to smile, but to her, it came naturally. The two walked back to the castle, ignoring the buzzing of the returning students from Hogsmeade, completely wrapped up in their own teenage romance.


	20. Don't Cry To Me

The letter came on a Wednesday. An ordinary day, Wednesday. Right in the middle of the week. Nothing special about Wednesday.

On this particular Wednesday, Severus was busy in a lab, working diligently on a potion he had created. It would surely be a potion that would define his brilliance, and the beginning research had to be executed painstakingly. Dumbledore had graciously given him a lab last month so that he could work specifically on plans for a potion for his N.E.W.T. thesis, which would be due during Christmas break in his final year at Hogwarts. His work had been kept secret, even from Dumbledore, for he wanted the reveal to be huge. It would be something that would garner him world accolade, it would be revolutionary- of that he was sure.

His relationship with Elise continued to grow, encompassing his entire life. Everyone had begun to comment how happy he looked, which was a sharp contrast to his norm, but one he embraced.

It was a beautiful April day, the leaves were growing slowly into a brilliant green, and the sun shone brightly onto the thawing ground. He heard a peck at the lab window and saw an owl with a letter in its mouth. Curious, Severus went to the window and took the letter. He made his way back to his work bench, opened it, and read the messy scrawl.

_"I have escaped. I will find you. Stay where you are. Trust no one."_

Severus dropped the letter, knowing the hurried writing of his mother anywhere.

It had been his fourth year at Hogwarts…he had been 15….

_"You can't leave, I haven't told you about my last term at Hogwarts!"_

_"I don't have time for your stupid childish games _

_"Mother, please don't go, please, please don't go! Please don't walk away, Mum, please!"_

Severus put his head in his hands as the painful memories swam to the forefront of his mind.

_"Don't leave me!"_

_"No son of mine…._

"Agh!" Severus verbalized, exasperation crowding his weary voice. He wrinkled the paper and threw it violently across the room. Through his seething temper, he stored his potion equipment and stormed from his lab.

The halls were quite full during the midday commute between classes. Severus huffed his way down the stairs into the main part of the castle, when he suddenly bumped into someone. He was about to deliver a nasty insult to the party when he looked up into menacing black eyes.

The man was very tall, dressed completely in black. He had been mumbling absently to another man beside him about the Defense Against the Dark Arts teaching vacancy for next year. Black eyes stared deeply into eyes of the same shade, except odd flecks of red that surrounded the pupil of the tall man. His skin was very pale with a sickly green color, and what hair he had was stringy. To put it bluntly, the man was downright creepy. 

Every muscle in Severus's body contracted, creating an involuntary paralyzed state. He could feel the power emanating from the man as he looked down, his eyes reading and judging Severus. It seemed like hours before the man spoke, very quietly, and the breathy words sent shivers down Severus's spine.

"If you so much as touch me _ever again_," he hissed, "I will assure that you do not live to breathe another day." A slight smile formed on his dry lips, and then he continued his walk, seemingly in the direction of Professor Dumbledore's office.

Severus stayed, unable to make a comment, watching a shadow of a man walk slowly away. Though he could not tell for sure, he had a foreboding that the man that had just spoken to him was evil. He dismissed the thoughts of who the man could be, because, quite frankly, he had no desire to know.

"Your mother?" Elise asked. Back in his lab after dinner, Severus had just informed her about the letter.

"She's coming….I think. I don't know, I don't want to see her, I know that." 

"But why? She's your mother."

"I don't care. She's a failure, a horrible mother," Severus spat angrily, once again putting his head in his hands.

"Why would you say something like that?"

"Because she's broken it before! She's broken the imperious before," he yelled, standing to his full height, which was at least five inches taller than Elise. She wavered only slightly. "She's had time, she was too much of a coward to leave the first time, She's never cared about me, never truly loved me…just herself. Always herself."

"Severus," Elise whispered, "You must calm down."

"_I will not!_ he continued, his frustration surfacing more intensely. "Just because you have the perfect family, you have everything, do not presume to think that you can tell me whatever it is you think is right! You have no idea what I've been through!" Hard rasps of breath escaped his lips as he looked away from her. She had no idea what it was like to be hated by her father, and to be the second most important person to her mother. She didn't know what it was like to grow up so poor you couldn't afford nice robes or a nice house, she didn't know, and she never would. The though of this and any rebuttal she might have made him fall deeper into the abyss of blinding anger. 

"If you want a fight, then FINE, I'll give you a fight. So you want to be an asshole about it? Oh, poor Severus, poor poor him, His mother, who was put under the _imperius_ curse, AGAINST her will, threw it off, and waited for the time to be right…why do you judge when you do not know the whole story? What makes you so high and mighty that you can automatically assess when everyone has it in for you when they are not there for you at a moments notice?" Elise said, staring her boyfriend in his eyes, boring a large hole into the inner most depths of his soul.

"Are you really that angry at me? Does my socioeconomic status bother you? Because it never stopped you before, and it sure makes you an asshole to bring it up now!" Elise continued, clearly hurt by the remarks he had made.

"No...I just think that it's bullshit for you to assume you know what it was like to grow up being me. Because it's not something that I would wish on anyone, especially you. You deserve all the best things in the world. And I clearly deserve anything that is subpar, anything that is second hand, anything that fails high expectations. So imagine that is your life and then come back and tell me about how horrible your life has been."

"I never said my life was horrible!" Elise says indignantly. "That was you! You're twisting things around to make your argument plausible. Stop talking about me, and focus on the issue at hand. Your mother is coming back, and you refuse to see her. I say, stop being so cruel and wait for her. People can change, the past isn't so important anymore."

"You weren't there…you didn't see it…" Severus said quietly, almost as if he were pouting.

"Oh, honey, is that your only argument? Don't judge her yet. Wait until you talk to her. I'm not saying that she is innocent, I'm just saying, let her speak!"

He sighed, and to her great relief, wrapped her in a hug.

"You're always so rational, Elise. I'm just…stressed out. And this argument…it may be for nothing. I love you, thanks for being here for me." Surprisingly, Elise let out a deep laugh after he finished.

"I've really calmed you down, I believe, sir. You never would have given up this easily before."

"Well, I knew what you were going to do after our little argument."

"What am I going to do?" she asked, an amused smile playing on her full lips.

"This." He cupped her chin and pressed his lips hungrily against hers. His tongue flicked and connected with hers. When they broke apart, Elise's smile resumed.

"I have fantastic ideas," she commented with a laugh.

"That you do."

He took her lips again, devouring her. Her body melted into his, and he felt his heart pump hot desire throughout his body. He nibbled on her lower lip and then moved to her ear.

"I want you," his whispered. He pushed her gently until she was against the back wall in his small lab. He took advantage of the prop, snaking a hand up her shirt. A gasp emitted from her lips, followed by a soft moan of pleasure. She slid slowly down the wall, her knees weakened.

"Severus," she whispered tugging on his shirt. He let her remove it, needing to feel warm flesh on his.

"Oh, God," he murmured, lifting her shirt, but not removing it. It was a crude teenage attempt at intimacy mixed in with a crazy fear of what lay beyond the clothing. 

She ran her hands down the smooth muscles of his upper back, tense after a stressful day. They felt a contained passion rise and then fall. The two played for a half an hour before resuming appropriate behavior.

"Thank you, Dumbledore, for making this possible more often," Severus said. Elise giggled and punched him lightly.

"That's gross!"

"Ah, Elise," he sighed, "I wish we could do this all the time."

"I don't know if I have the stamina," she said, half seriously.

"Not that! I mean, lay with you in my arms." She laughed.

"Me too, Severus, me too."

By May, there had been no sign of his mother, and that was perfectly alright with him. School was nearing an end, and he continued to do more experimentation with his thesis project, as well as other projects.

Still happy, he was just as shocked as other students when he learned the village of Hogsmeade had been attacked. Houses had been burned to the ground; the owner of a small clothing store was missing, and several people were dead.

Hogwarts was on the alert, heavily guarded and protected by aurors. The students were kept inside, all outside classes were cancelled, and Severus thought the whole thing was rubbish, though a part of him was on edge.

Unfortunately, the students were forced to their common rooms right after dinner and between classes, which meant his time with Elise was severely limited.

On this day, Severus was studying in his room when Regulus Black interrupted.

"Severus, there's been a summons for you to the headmaster's office. I wouldn't go if I were you, he's a muggle-loving blood traitor."

"Yes," Severus said absently, waving the young man away.

"I've seen you, in the halls, with that Gryffindor." Severus's head rose sharply.

"So?" he asked.

"So, she used to date my brother." Severus's eyes narrowed, annoyed at having to be reminded of this tragedy yet again.

"What's your point?" he asked crossly.

"Geeze, off the defensive! I was just going to say, good job. Any unhappiness he has by seeing the two of you together gives me great pleasure. And, she's very attractive. Nice. I'll leave you, now," Regulus said, departing the room.

Severus sighed deeply, setting down his books and taking the note Regulus had left on the table. He walked through the common room, through the portrait hole, and into the dark, desolate halls of Hogwarts. The minute he stepped out of the dungeons, he was bombarded by prefects.

He flashed his pass at them and continued on, no questions asked. He saw Remus Lupin lingering in the shadows. He nodded at Severus, and Severus grudgingly, as though obligated, nodded in return.

Arriving at the entrance to Dumbledore's office, he said the password scrawled across the paper (orange sugar beets) and was transported up to two ornate doors. 

Knocking strongly, he heard a muffled invitation and entered. 

Fascinating sights awaited him. Dumbledore had a plethora of what Severus judged to be junk, sitting on dusty shelves and covering his oversized desk.

"Ah, my dear boy. Thank you for coming so quickly."

"Of course," Severus replied quietly.

"I am sure you have knowledge of the attacks that took place at Hogsmeade a few days ago?"

"Of course, it is widely known."

"Well, it seems that an inn in the town was lit afire by some of – ah- followers of the – Dark Arts-"

"Death Eaters," Severus finished. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows but continued.

"At this inn, a few guests were killed or badly injured. Curiously enough, among the injured was a witch identifying herself as Eileen Prince Snape."

Severus had no reaction. His features remained set, his posture still.

"Did you know your mother was there?" Dumbledore asked.

"No," he answered, no emotion in his voice.

"Did she contact you?"

"Last month."

"What did her note say?" Severus recited the brief letter by memory. Dumbledore sat back and stroked his beard.

"I see. Do you know where she has been this whole time?"

"No," Severus lied. "I haven't seen her since the summer of my fourth year. When I asked you for money to return."

"Of course, I remember well. I have always been most proud of my decision to continue your education." The two sat quietly, each studying the other's serious features.

"Where is she?" he asked quietly, voice steady.

"She is currently in a specialized burn unit in St. Mungo's. She is ailing, but in her conscious states, which isn't often since the pain is so intense, she is asking for you. You have full permission from the school to go, as long as you go with an auror to assure a safe journey. Any school exams you miss will be compensated for."

"I don't want to go," Severus said quietly, staring down at his hands. "I should focus on my studies."

"It is the wish of your mother to see you. It is always wise to obey the intense wishes of our parents." Severus looked at Dumbledore, a flash of anger across his face, but he said nothing.

"I strongly suggest that you go, but no one will force you to. She's hurting, Severus." He nodded slowly. 

"Tomorrow we will have a portkey arranged outside the school grounds." Severus nodded, rising from his seat. He didn't at all want to see his mother, he was doing it because Elise felt so strongly about it, and because he didn't want to disappoint the man who had made all the good things in Severus's life possible. Seeing his failure of a mother was worth what Dumbledore had given him. He bid the Professor good night, and began to walk out the door, when a pressing question that had held him for a months time escaped his lips before he had time to realize what he was asking.

"Sir, I believe I saw, that is, last month, there was a man. In the hallway. I-I bumped into him, he was…he was tall, and, I believe he is, that is to say, I think it might've been-"

"Tom Riddle? Lord Voldemort, as he calls himself?" Severus's eyes widened.

"Yes," he said simply.

"You would be correct, he was here trying to apply for a teaching job." Confusion etched itself in the young lines of Severus's face.

"A teaching post? But-but why?"

"That I cannot answer. Just know that I turned him down, and you will not ever encounter him in this school again. You are always safe here, Severus. You are always safe when I am here."

Severus nodded. "I'll leave in the morning. Thank you, Professor."

Dumbledore nodded with a small smile, and Severus was left to himself.

When he was back in the common room, he settled for bed, uneasy and unsure about the next day, when he would finally face his mother after two years of isolation and repressed worry.


	21. Open Wounds

Throughout the night, Severus tossed and turned, finding it exceedingly difficult to lose himself in the darkness of his room.

He didn't want to see her. She had insulted him, made him feel small and scared, and she had provoked a panic attack that, at the time, felt like an assurance of death. She had helped make him who he was, and she'd been so in love with his father, it made him absolutely sick. But what scared him the most, the core reason he really didn't want to go, was because he was afraid he'd feel something for her. That was an issue he wasn't ready for. He was afraid he'd look into her eyes and see his mother, rather than an inconsiderate monster.

And so, when it was time to go in the morning, his heart was racing uncomfortably. The auror that escorted him off campus was cold and quiet, which was perfect. Severus detested small talk. Upon arrival at St. Mungo's, Severus regretted his decision to come. The work on his potion would be delayed, and he would surely fall behind in class work. His mother was not worth all the stress that would be waiting for him when he returned.

Sighing heavily, he walked into the building and trudged up to the front desk. A curious looking witch sat behind it, filing her nails carelessly.

"Can I help you?" she asked distractedly.

"Yes, I am here to see Eileen Prince Snape. She's in the burn unit set up especially for Hogsmeade victims."

"Right. We had some space on the floor for Spell Damage, floor four. Take the stairs up, on your right. Room 417."

Severus sighed and left the auror in the lobby, grudgingly climbing the stairs one by one.

After five long minutes of avoiding the situation, he finally reached the fourth floor. The ward was mostly plain without much decoration or flair. When he reached his mother's room, he peered inside and saw a figure wrapped in linens, and then covered in blankets. Her nose had been burned, her left eye was rather droopy, and her ears were covered as well. But other than that, Severus could see the face of his mother in her otherwise untouched features.

She looked 20 years older than she'd been when he last saw her. She was asleep- or unconscious- or maybe dead- he couldn't really tell.

Severus walked hesitantly further into the room, letting the sterility set in.

He wanted to flee, to say that he'd been there, saw her, and then left, but his muscles were uninspired and stayed rooted to the floor. When he heard a faint cough, his stomach lurched and an uncomfortable light headedness drowned his senses.

A bit more coughing ensued, and very suddenly, a piercing scream ran out from the woman. It absolutely chilled Severus's bones.

Within seconds, a crowd of healers surrounded her, knocking Severus out of the way. A young healer-in-training pulled Severus aside.

"You are her son?" she asked calmly.

"I-yes, her son," he said quietly, speaking the foreign words.

"We're going to magically paralyze her of sorts. The pain for her right now is very intense. She has burns on over 80 of her body." 

"Paralyze her?" Severus asked, his mother's screams still echoing in his ears.

"It's temporary, just so you may speak to her. Afterward, we'll put her in a magically induced coma."

"A coma..." Severus trailed off. 

"Yes. She's about ready, have you any questions?" 

"No," Severus said quietly.

"Alright then. She's stable, subdued, and ready." The healers evacuated the room then, and left Severus with the woman in bed.

"Severus?" It was a raspy whisper, not at all resembling the flowery monotony of his childhood.

"Mother," Severus said, experiencing his own psychological case of paralysis.

"Severus, come closer so that I can see your face."

It was inevitable- he would have to see her. Moving across the floor was a painstaking process, but he made it, staring blankly at the white wall as he moved. Upon reaching her bed, he looked down into midnight eyes that matched the color of his own.

"Oh, Severus," she wept silently, "you look so like your father."

Loathing pumped through him.

He knew it. He'd seen it happen through the years, his stupid, ugly nose, the long stringy hair, unimpressive eyes, an overall pallid look. But he ignored it, because no one knew what his father looked like, so no one had ever noticed. But his mother could tell, even through the pain, that Severus Tobias Snape was the spitting image of his father. He gazed down and saw on her neck the ramifications of burning flesh. It was red, raw, and oozing. The skin was covered in a topical cream, and Severus couldn't imagine what the rest of her body would look like. He wondered briefly if she'd ever walk again without pain, or if she would be horribly disfigured for the rest of her life. He averted his eyes to hers. 

"Have you been studying?" Eileen asked.

"Yes, mother. I got top grades on my O.W.L.'s, and I'm presently working on a N.E.W.T. thesis in potions, and particularly, creating some new and exciting modifications to a particular class of potions." 

'Such a smart boy, I knew you were smart," she said, her breathing becoming labored.

"I'm near the top of my year in nearly every subject," Severus boasted, suddenly desiring to please his mother, to make her know that he had become something, that he had moved on without her. He was no longer the boy who had cried for his mum so many years before.

"Of course you are. And have you yet found love?"

"Actually, I have. Her name is Elise-"

"A pureblood?" his mother interjected.

"Yes..." he trailed off.

"A Slytherin?"

"No, a Gryffindor." Suddenly, his mother's eyes opened wide.

"You must leave her." 

"No! I love her!" Severus said indignantly. 

"She's a Gryffindor, most likely a blood traitor! She'll be killed! You musn't associate with people like that!"

"What are you talking about? Who would be out to kill her? Have you gone insane?"

"The Dark Lord. You don't know the things I've seen!" Eileen Prince began to cry. Severus's muscles tensed.

"The Dark Lord? Is Grandfather..is he one of them?"

"No, he's a high ranking ministry official, he knows things, he brought home information-"

"Is Elise in danger? She's not a blood traitor. I love her, mother, she's everything to me," Severus candidly divulged.

"You're too good for Gryffindor. You have a brighter future. Stay away from that girl, focus on your studies, do not succumb to her dirtiness." 

"_Her_ dirtiness? What about me? I'm a filthy halfblood! How is that any better?"

"That's different," Eileen said quietly.

"No it isn't!" Severus exclaimed, rage filling him. "For the first time in my entire life, I am happy. I am excelling at school, I have Elise and when she kisses me, my whole world become right. Then I get a note from you, and Elise and I quarrel. My world is viciously overturned. Don't you want me to be happy? Don't you want me to lead a happy life?"

"You can lead a happy life, but not with her. As long as she is in your life, you will never be happy. She's toxic, taking your mind off school and being a bloody Gryffindor. Stay away, Severus." 

Severus glared at his mother, who could not turn her head to see her son with his head against the wall.

"How can you possibly judge me when you married a muggle and gave birth to a total waste of flesh, mother?" he whispered into the wall. It didn't make sense. She was worried if Elise was a pureblood, yet her greatest mistake had been Severus, who was a halfblood.

"Severus?" His mother asked hoarsely.

"How can you say the things you are saying now, concerns about Elise being pureblood?" 

"Because in the time with your grandfather, I've come to realize that purebloods mating with muggles is very wrong. So of course I want my son to marry a pureblood-"

"But I am not even a pureblood-"

"But you're a Slytherin, so it doesn't matter-"

"YES IT DOES!" Severus roared, watching his mother shrink back slightly. "What is wrong with you? You're just as much as a stupid, loathsome coward as my father! It matters enough to make me second class no matter how much money I have. It means that ignorant people like you and grandfather will never see past my disgusting last name because to you, it is just short for "not pureblood." You used to tell me it didn't matter. Now look at you! You're an awful mother." Severus's face was red now, and he felt eight feet tall. His mother's cheeks were tracked with bitter tears.

"I only want what's best for you-"

"Having a mother who gave a shit the last few years might have helped."

"Severus….I-I-I couldn't help it," she sobbed. "He had me trapped- in the basement- I was alone- he brainwashed me-I wanted nothing more than to see you-" 

"Whilst I had no mother. Kidnapping is a crime, you didn't have to go. You left me with no money. Headmaster Dumbledore had paid for my schooling and living expenses since you left.

"Dumbledore is not to be trusted," his mother said absently.

"Oh shut up! I will not have you speak poorly of the man who Is responsible for my education. Mother, I must admit to you, I didn't want to come here today. I dreaded it. I was mostly afraid that I would feel something for you, that the last two years would fade away and I'd be thrilled to see you. I'm happy to report that not only am I glad I came, but I think even less of you than I did previously. Your moral fiber had deteriorated to conform to whoever is present in the room. You're weak and I am a better person because you've been gone."

"Severus, son, please, you don't mean that-" 

"You depend on others for your happiness, that's why you could never let father go, why you went with grandfather after the Imperius was lifted. But you will get no such satisfaction from me." 

"Severus…"

"Until you can muster the courage to speak for yourself and not you influence, I'll have nothing to do with you."

"Severus, please!"

"I'm done here."

"_Severus_!" 

Confidently, he turned his body and walked from the room. He could hear her scream his name as he walked away. He heard the medical personnel run in and sedate her. Walking briskly back to the lobby, he met the Auror and somberly traveled back to Hogwarts, a wide smile across his face.  
"You did what?" Elise asked. They were walking together between classes as Severus divulged the details of the meeting with his mother.

"I told her what I felt. I really let loose. It was odd, she started, well- she told me we shouldn't see each other anymore. She seemed to think because you're in Gryffindor, you're a blood traitor. I, of course, set her straight." Elise pursed her lips into a thin line. 

"Well, Severus, actually, I probably would be considered a blood traitor. My best friend is Lily Evans, who is muggleborn. There are lots of muggleborns in Gryffindor. She's probably right about me."

"So? That doesn't mean anything. Just don't marry one, and you'll be fine!" Elise laughed nervously, not really believing Severus.

"Anyway, I basically told my mum to leave me alone. We shouldn't worry about it." He reached over and squeezed her hand, and they continued on to class.

Soon, the students were packing their trunks, ready to leave. Severus and Elise were freshly certified for appartition travel, and they utilized it from the train station.

They decided to spend most of the summer in Severus's small cabin in the woods. Elise planned to tell her parents she was spending time at Lily's house, and Elise did plan to make a few stops there. But, instead of spending nights with Lily, she spent them with Severus. The couple thought that the summer would be the perfect time to spend lazy days from everyone, to truly get to know one another.

Severus had obtained permission from Dumbledore to move his lab to his house for the summer. He'd slipped some secrets about it to Dumbledore, who agreed that if it was pulled off, it would be revolutionary for a certain class of people. He kept notes of every trial and error in a special notebook, and he also carried his mother's ratty copy of _Advanced Potion-Making_ wherever he went, making small notes in the margin.

He created one batch of the potion, which took over a month to prepare, and distilled it, purified it, watched it thicken and then thinned it, among other things. The only thing he could test it on was a boggart, which was exceedingly difficult, but luckily for Severus, the potion he was creating was for something he now greatly feared.

Elise had tried to get him to confess what he was making, but he would always respond with, "You'll see, once I'm rich and famous!"

During the mornings of early summer, he would work, and she would cook using the same stove his mother used to. They'd enjoy lunch under a tree Severus used to play under when he was young, and in the afternoons they'd nap, kiss, or swim in a nearby lake.

It was under this tree, one balmy evening, when the two made love for the first time, holding and caressing each other as young lovers do. Their relationship deepened and Severus felt a void whenever Elise would go to visit Lily and leave him alone to tend to himself.

On one late June day, Severus was busy in the lab and Elise was combining ingredients for a cake, when the door suddenly creaked open. Curious, she wiped her hands on her apron and walked from behind the counter to the front door. A figure stepped out of the shadows, and Elise gasped.

"Oh my God!" She managed to say before the figure hit her, knocking her unconscious to the floor.


	22. Allegiance

Severus was working diligently on his project when he heard a tiny yelp from Elise, followed by a loud crash. Startled, his heart raced as he realized someone had entered his home. Cautiously, he crept to the door of the bedroom as the intruder banged around loudly. Wand at the ready, he heard the person step next to the door.

Pulling the handle quickly, Severus surprised the intruder and stunned him. The large man fell backward. He was wearing all black; his face was obscured by a large black hood. Severus knelt beside him and took note of the platinum blonde hair that poked beneath the ornamental mask. Curious, Severus yanked back the hood and gasped.

"_Ennervate!_" Severus exclaimed, staring into the frozen eyes of Lucius Malfoy. 

"Lucius!"

"Severus?" Lucius asked, quickly standing and regaining composure and dignity.

"What are you doing here? Why have you broken into my home?"

"I didn't know it was your home. I was given a mission. I was told blood traitors lived here. I was given orders to kill them immediately. But surely it's not you….why would the Dark Lord want _you_ dead?"

"The _Dark Lord_?" Severus asked, feeling the blood drain from his face. "Blood   
traitors…oh no, Elise!" he exclaimed, rushing to get past Lucius, but the man stopped him.

"Easy, friend. I only knocked her out. Usually when I kill spouses I…well, I usually make the other watch before I kill them as well. It's cruel, I know, but it's the way the Dark Lord prefers for the treachery of empathy for those with dirty blood."

Severus nodded absently as Lucius continued.

"I felt unsure about this mission from the beginning. It was quite out of the ordinary. Usually missions are carried out in groups with a fair amount of planning, but this mission was very rushed and all I was given was the location of the house. I do not know who the informant was, it was an unlikely source, of that I am sure. Even the Dark Lord did not seem sure of it, which is very rare. He told me that he and the source were not on amicable terms, and that if the information turned out to be false, the informant would be killed. I was told that if I did not see fit to kill the people that I was to bring a representative to the Dark Lord himself, which is very rare, my friend."

"Excuse me?" Severus asked, stunned. "But Elise-"

"We can put her in a magically induced sleep while we are gone."

"But…but I…I'm not ready, I haven't prepared myself for the Dark Lord," Severus said truthfully.

"It must be done, today is as good a day as any." Severus realized he was without options and nodded curtly once. He was in a state of shock. Not more than twenty minutes ago, he had been happily at work, anxiously awaiting his leisurely lunch and afternoon with Elise.

As seventeen year olds, it might have been difficult living together, but the two were doing fantastically. It had just been perfect and balanced out, and Severus knew that he had never been happier in his entire life. It was a new feeling for him to be afraid of being alone, without her tender touch and love. Continuing his rouse, in front of anyone else he was a loner who didn't answer to anyone, but behind closed doors he was positively enamored with the Elise and wanted nothing more than to curse the name of the Dark Lord and Hogwarts and just run away with her.

That, however, was not an option.

"Wonderful," Lucius was saying. "Come, let us not keep him waiting." Severus swallowed hard and nodded, following Lucius through the hall and into the living room. Upon seeing Elise, Severus ran to her side. A bruise began to form across her soft features where Lucius had so carelessly struck.

"Elise," he said quietly, scooping her up and gently laying her across their old, tattered sofa.

"I'm sorry, friend, I did not know she belonged to you." Severus frowned deeply to show his distaste but said nothing.

"She's very exotic looking. A pureblood?"

"Indeed. She's of Spanish and French ancestry, but she looks mostly Spanish."

"You're a lucky man. Having a woman in your life changes you. Narcissa has defied my expectations time and time again as a good and obedient wife," Lucius admitted. Severus cast a sleeping charm over her and the two stepped outside.

"Some advice to you. Only speak when spoken to. Do not show fear, anger, happiness, or any other emotion. Do not ask questions. Do not move in his presence. Bow deeply before him. Allow yourself to surrender to him, and do as he asks. If you do these things, you will not die. I cannot guarantee your safety, however. Be forewarned." Severus nodded. He was beyond frightened, though he didn't show it. He mostly worried about Elise, and whether or not he would return to her.

The brightly colored flowers, lush green leaves, and warm summer breeze mocked the two men as they prepares to enter dangerous territory.

"Grab on to my cloak. I will take you there, but you cannot know how to get there," Lucius instructed. Severus complied, and his clammy hand grasped the cloak tightly. Within minutes of a dizzying side-along apparition, they arrived in a damp, murky graveyard. The sky was dusk, the wind was suddenly cool, and Severus felt uncertainty cloud his senses. The ominous red hue painted across the diamond sky encouraged ghostly shadows to form in front of the cracked cemetery stones.

"Come," Lucius instructed quietly. He led Severus into a series of underground tunnels, each one as winding as the next. They were cold, poorly maintained passageways, lit magically with candles. Water seeped in, making muddy puddles throughout the paths.

"Of course, I usually just apparate to our headquarters," Lucius said, his countenance displaying a disgusted expression, as though he was above walking through the mud.

Severus was lost in his own thoughts, weighing his many options carefully. Truthfully, he didn't have many options. Elise would be highly disappointed. What would Dumbledore say? But _oh_, how jealous everyone in the house of Slytherin would be, that he- Severus Snape- actually stood before the Dark Lord in his own headquarters- and lived to tell about it!

Finally, the two men came to a concrete wall, covered in wet earth. Lucius muttered a few words, and the wall slowly creaked open, giving the two their first taste of dry land in over a half an hour.

"This way," Lucius ordered.

The hall they were in was covered completely in marble. Statues of snakes, their fangs bared, lined the walkway. The lighting was no better, and Severus took the time to notice that they had not yet run in to anyone else.

Another few doors, another few secret words and finally they were in a more homely atmosphere, about 1500 hundred feet below the Earth's surface. Here, Death Eaters mulled about, planning and conversing with each other. Severus was startled to recognize several faces.

"Rodolphus Lestrange? Bellatrix Black?"

"It's Lestrange for her. Rodolphus married her last February," Lucius commented absently. Severus nodded, taking in the scenery.

The walls were decorated richly in silver, black, and green; the floor was marbled, and crystal chandeliers hung from the vaulted ceiling. The gargantuan space gave Severus the feel of a waiting room, with a maze of rich black leather sofas and chairs.

"The Dark Lord treats those who serve him without fail very, very richly," Lucius said with a small smile.

The two stopped at the sofa closest to a large cherry wood door.

"Wait here. I will soon return." Severus nodded and lowered himself down, his heart pounding uncomfortably. It was almost as though he wasn't in the room. The 15 or so death eaters currently there were very busy in their planning. Severus looked like a wreck- his already greasy hair was plastered to his forehead, the entire bottom half of his body, though dry, was caked with pasty dirt. He hoped his appearance alone would not offend the Dark Lord.

After 5 minutes, Lucius reappeared, unharmed and calm.

"He will see you now," Lucius said. Severus rose slowly, his joints seemingly unwilling to move. Lucius led him into a spacious dark room, and then, much to Severus's discomfort, vacated the room. A fire cackled behind a large throne-like chair. A man- was it a man?- cloaked in black, shrouded in ominous darkness, stared out at Severus with familiar eyes.

"Come closer," the voice rasped. Severus took a few steps closer, and then, remembering Lucius' instructions, bowed deeply.

"I see that my faithful servant, Lucius, has shown you how to properly greet me," the voice whispered. Severus said nothing, he merely straightened his form.

"I have been informed that the house in which you reside is currently being in habited by vicious blood traitors, very dear to the cause opposite my own. Is that true?" Severus hesitated before answering.

"No, sir," he responded strongly, as though responding to a military general. The voice laughed very softly.

"Calm down, boy. Why would this person assume you were a blood traitor?"

"I do not know, sir. Perhaps it is someone who has something to gain by my demise, though I cannot think of anyone. It would be much easier to respond if I knew your informant."

"In time. Lucius seems to think you are of worth to me. What is your name, and why does Lucius think so highly of you?"

"My name is Severus Snape. He was in my house at Hogwarts- Slytherin. I have a high aptitude for potions and the dark arts in general."

"I see. How old are you now, Severus?"

"17."

"A bit too young for our leagues just yet. We only accept those 18 or over, I'm afraid. I'm inclined to let you live, Severus Snape, if only for your usefulness later on." Suddenly, Severus felt like his mind was being split open. Memories poured out of him---

His father hitting his mother  
_"How could you lead me to believe you were normal? And now we have a fucking freak for a son!"___

_"Tobias, leave him alone!"___

_"I hope you both die, you're such a whore, a dirty bitch…."_

His mother leaving

_"Mummy please!"___

_"No son of mine!"_

Meeting Elise…the death day party, the first kiss.

_"The Dark Lord Ferrous is your grandfather?"___

_"He did it in the name of love…" _

Their first make out session, the first time the made love, being tortured by Black and Potter, creating spells to be used against them…

Meeting his mother again

_"The name Snape to you just means 'not pureblood.'"_

Suddenly Severus's thoughts rang over the memories.

"He knows, he knows, my God, he knows." Severus was snapped back to real life. The Dark Lord's laugh was ringing around the room. Severus was on his hands and knees, panting.

"You are correct, boy. I now know that you are not a pureblooded wizard- yet still a Slytherin? That is very hard to do. That makes you very unique. I am assuming your dear friend Lucius doesn't know?"

"No, sir."

"I shall not inform him. Who was the girl? A direct descendent of the Dark Lord Ferrous, I saw?"

"Yes, sir. Elise Aguirre."

"Well done. I saw your mother. Do you care for her?" The Dark Lord's voice, now stronger, rang out.

"No. I could care less what happens to her," Severus said, negative emotion swelling in his voice.

"I see. Eileen Prince, is that your mother?"

"Yes, sir."

"She will be disposed of immediately."

"What? Why?" Severus questioned, startled.

"Because, Severus, I promised death to my informant in she were wrong." His mother, his own mother, had fed the Dark Lord information to have him killed?

"Your informant? My mother?"

"Indeed. It seems she wanted you and your lover dead. She informed me you intended to be with a blood traitor, that you would be turned, and that it would be wise to dispose of you. However, after careful examination of your thoughts and personal testimony, I find her to be wrong. Nott! Bring in the woman!" Suddenly the door burst open and a huge death eater dragged an unconscious woman in.

Her body was badly scarred, and she was wearing tattered gray robes.

_"Ennervate,"_ the death eater spat, and Eileen Prince came to.

"Severus? Severus, why are you here?"

"Because, mother, you tried to have me killed," Severus said very quietly.

The woman's eyes turned from her son to her Lord.

"M-my Lord, his evil girlfriend, she is a threat-"

"She is a 17 year old girl, in love with your son. You are a very bad mother."

"But…but…I…Severus, I love you, I never meant for it to be this way, your grandfather, he-"  
"Silence!" The Dark Lord bellowed, clearly becoming irritated. "I am tired of your insolence. _Avada Kedavra_!" His mother slumped forward without another word. Severus stood stunned, amazed and awed at the power, while his heart wrenched for his mother.

"I look forward to good things from you, Severus. You are dismissed." Severus bowed again, with one last look at his mother, and then vacated the room. Lucius was waiting for him outside.

"He killed my mother in front of me," Severus said, before Lucius could speak. "I'm sorry," Lucius said half heartedly.

"No, it's okay. I wanted her to die." Lucius raised his eyebrows but said nothing.   
The two returned in silence to Severus' house.

"Elise!" Severus said, waking the girl after his return from the Dark Lord's lair.

"S-Severus?" she asked, wincing from her headache.

"Ssshhh, it's okay. I'm here. The intruder is gone."

"I was scared…he came in and knocked me down."

"I got him. He's gone now." She clung tightly to him.

"Why are you dirty?" she asked.

"I had to chase him down. I summoned aurors, and they got him," Severus lied.

"Aurors? But…why were they…"

"My mother is dead," Severus interrupted bitterly.

"I found out through the man, who I didn't know, that my mother had gone crazy, sold me to the Dark Lord, and ran. But it's been taken care of."

"The _Dark Lord_? What? What do you mean, it's been taken care of? What happened?" Elise demanded angrily, shaking off Severus's loving embrace. "Tell me everything. This is my life, if it's in danger, don't you think that's something I need to know?" Severus sighed deeply, feeling the weight and strain of the experience fully.

"What happened," Elise repeated more softly than her previous tirade. Small droplets clung to her dark eye lashes as she begged for the truth.  
He hated lying to her, but he was trying to protect her. He was intensely afraid of her reaction upon finding out that he had been in the presence of the Dark Lord and lived to tell about it. He sighed once more and began to speak.

"The intruder was Lucius Malfoy. He was sent by the Dark Lord on a hazy tip that Blood Traitors lived here. When he realized it was my house- we were friends before he graduated from Hogwarts-he suspected foul play. He led me for an hour somewhere underground, and brought me to the Dark Lord. The informant had been my mother, who seemed to have lost her sanity, The Dark Lord let me live, and he sent me home, and told me I was lucky to have you, and he killed my mother in front of me."

Elise nodded throughout the story, and was quiet for two minutes afterward. Finally, she took a shallow breath and looked into Severus' eyes.

"Why do you call him the Dark Lord?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"Because that's who he is- the Dark Lord," Severus replied, irritated.

"But only Death Eaters call him the Dark Lord," Elise said.

Anger rose quickly, as though a volcano had erupted inside him. His words spilled like hot lava, burning Elise and leaving open wounds. 

"I-AM-NOT-A-DEATH-EATER!" He exclaimed, standing up, leaving her to topple over on the couch.

"Is that what you think? That I'm going out, parading in black, murdering behind your back?"

"No, I-"

"So is it because I'm a Slytherin? Because the only friends I've ever had were slytherins? Or maybe because I met the Dark Lord and lived, so that automatically makes me evil?" He ripped up his sleeve to show his bare forearm. "Do you see this?" he asked, shoving it in her face. "No Mark. Clean." He shoved the sleeve back down. "Do you think I've been hiding out? What is it exactly, Elise, do you think I've been doing?" He finished, standing over her.

The stress of the day had also taken a toll on Elise, and she did not fight back as was her standard. Instead, she cried. Long, low sobs as her body shook with fear and sadness. Her breaths became gasps as she moaned through her tears, and Severus went from ten feet tall to six inches.

What had he done to his girl? He took a few steps back, and after a moment of deliberation, he sat down next to her and enveloped her in a warm embrace, where she cried even harder.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I feel like my life has been turned upside down and I took it out on you. Please don't judge me on the shell of a man I just displayed, but the heart you know I possess." She nodded slightly between tears. He made an executive decision to pick her up in his arms and carry her into their bedroom- the one he'd had as a child. The rest of the day they laid there in each other's arms. She fell asleep a few hours later, and he watched her, sorrow pooling in his heart, anger at his own temper consuming him.

It had been a natural response for him- to attack when the situation became rough and sticky. But here was Elise in his arms, cheeks still stained with tears, hair frazzled, even breathing, a word of pain and uncertainty halted for the involuntary happiness brought by dreamless sleep. She was gorgeous, even now.

What bothered him more than anything about the evening was Elise's face when he had finished his violent monologue. It was a face he'd seen so many times before. In Elise's face, he saw his own mother, after his father had screamed and abused her. His mother, who had been powerless and scared, crouched in a corner while his father verbally and physically abused her. His father was dead and now his mother was also dead. She had never fully recovered from the loss of his father.

Severus was the only one left and today, he had acted no better than his father.

He then made a personal vow never to do this again. He would not turn into that horrible man. Elise would not turn into his mother.

-His mother-

Had he really wanted her to die? Part of him had wanted her to live, to be okay, to be a real mother to him. But it was too late, a life wasted, and still the hours went on.

He looked over at Elise one more time, kissed the top of her forehead and closed his eyes, finally at 4 A.M. He would not sleep until 6, holding the love of his life the entire time.


	23. For You, I Will

After a couple of days, things between the couple evened out again. Their routines became ingrained once again, after Severus had attempted to put a protecting charm around their house. It was poorly performed, and he doubted it would do much to keep out intruders, but with the Dark Lord seemingly on his side, he doubted that he had much to worry about.

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, after he and Elise had spent a considerable amount of time knowing each other's bodies and devouring each inch, she had a suggestion.

"Tomorrow I'm going to see Lily, just for the day. I was wondering if you wanted to come along?"

"Me? Come to Lily Evans' house? Why would I want to go over there?" Severus asked uncomfortably.

"Well, you know, I've talked to her about it, I've told her so much about you, and I thought that maybe we could show her in person. Besides, you never want to meet my friends or do anything with them, and I wish you would, because they are a part of my life too!" Severus sighed, brushing the hair out of his eyes. He reached out and rubbed Elise's soft cheek.

"I don't know, Elise, I've got a lot of work to do, on my project-"

"Oh, just leave it for a day! You're forever working on it, and you never tell me what you're doing! Just spend one whole day with me, tomorrow. Just one day, that's all I ask." Elise stuck out her bottom lip, moving toward Severus.

"Oh no," he said quietly. "Not the bottom lip! You're not pulling me in with that!" She giggled, moving closer to him.

"Pwease, Sevvie, fow me?" she asked in a baby-like voice, her eyes shining brightly.

"Oh Lord, don't even call me that, my name is Severus, it should never be shortened or..trivialized…" he laughed gently when she snuggled up against his arm. Suddenly, she sprang up and pinned him down to the blanket they were laying on underneath their tree. Straddling him, she shook the hair out of her face.

"A-ha, Severus! I have you now! Please…just this once. It will be so fun! You'll see! We have so much fun together, we'll just be adding one other person? Oh please!" Out came the bottom lip again, and Severus sighed deeply.

"Alright, fine, fine, one day! We'll go to your dratted friend's house. Now you better get down here so I can kiss you before I have a fit!" She laughed and complied, joining him for a deep kiss. The two lost each other in the warm summer sunlight once more, enjoying the tastes and smells of young lust.

The next morning was a different story, however, as Severus prepared himself for the trek outside of the comfort and safety of his own home. He was never his best in social situations, he never had been. Lily had tried to reach out to him when he'd been younger, but Severus had insulted her and paid her no attention. Now he'd be joining her for tea with his love, and he wasn't quite sure what to expect or what he'd say. What he did know was that over the past few months, the red headed enigma had become quite interested in James Potter, his years of taunting and stalking finally starting to pay off.

Ugh, James Potter. The thought of being trapped in a pink room with two girls giggling about Lily's latest escapades with one of his arch enemies made his skin crawl. 

He stared at himself in a mirror in his room. Elise leaned over his shoulder, fixing the earrings that hung from her ears. She'd applied make-up, which she rarely did, and Severus preferred it when she didn't have make up on at all. In fact, Elise was most beautiful after they had made love; her skin glowing and her eyes alight, her dark hair out of place, a few strands in her face so that he could gently move them aside.

"What are you thinking about, hon?" Elise asked, looking deeply into his eyes through the reflection in the mirror.

"About how beautiful you are…" he said quietly, reaching his head up to meet her lips in a kiss.

"Eww..lip gloss," he said, wiping his lips. She laughed and moved across the room to straighten her outfit. Severus turned back and noticed that there was an abundance of sunlight pouring in from the window.

"You know, I never used to have the windows open in here. It was always dark and cold in here, and I liked it like that. But you know, I think I'm starting to like the sun too."

"Oh I love the sunshine, I love everything about the summer months. I- oh goodness, is that the time? Come on, love, we have to go!" Severus sighed, looking down at his outfit. Elise had rather forcefully suggested that he leave his traditional faded black robes at home in favor of a more updated style. He was wearing a pair of muggle blue jeans and a green button up shirt that Elise had brought back for him during a recent shopping trip to London with her mother. His hair was tied back with a simple red string, and he thought he looked absolutely ridiculous. Elise, however, had swooned over him, called him sexy, and demanded that the top two buttons remain unbuttoned.

"Do I have to wear this?" he asked one last time, hoping that she had made a last minute decision and thought that he looked like a clown.

"Of course you do, you look spectacular! Now come on, let's get to it!"

The two left the room, locked up the house, and then, after Elise gave a detailed description of where they were heading, the two apparated outside Lily's house.

"Now, remember, Lily's parents are muggles, so-"

"Oh that's right, I forgot she was a mudblood, well, I'll-"

"SEVERUS! Don't use that word! That is considered a bad word, don't you know that?"

"I'm sorry, Elise, it's habit, I swear. She's a muggleborn witch, not a mudblood."

"SEVERUS!"

"I'm sorry!" She wrinkled her nose at him, hit him on the arm, and walked up to the front door.

Seconds after she knocked, a rather odd looking girl answered the door.

"Hi, Petunia!" Elise greeted brightly. "Is Lily around?"

"Hmmph…are you one of them, too?" the girl asked, eyeing Severus.

"I-er-yes, I am," Severus replied, glaring at the girl.

"Whatever. She's in her room. You know where it is."

"Thanks!" Elise smiled, grabbing Severus' hand and leading him through the house.

It was decorated modestly; the walls were painted cream but gave a very warm feeling with the sun reflecting off of them, the furniture was forest green, framing the room with a muggle teleywison against wall opposite the window. The two went up the stairs which were located off the side of the living room. The second room on the right was Lily's.

It was not bright pink, as Severus had imagined it to be. The walls were actually painted a soft green, and her bed was large with a yellow comforter. Lily was sitting at her desk. Her past achievements from primary school hung on the walls, along with regular, unmoving pictures of family, and a couple of moving ones from school.

"Elise! Hello!" Lily exclaimed, getting up to hug her friend. She then turned to Severus.

"Hello, Severus. I am so glad you were able to come to my home! I've been asking Elise for ages to bring you over!" Severus cleared his throat, uncomfortable.

"Yes, well, I've been rather busy, I usually work in the morning, but Elise insisted," he said coolly.

"Well, that's great! We're glad to have you!" She sat down on her bed.

"So, what are we going to do today? Are we going to go into town? Are we going to watch the TV?" Lily laughed.

"Well, Petunia is home at the moment and so I'd rather get out of the house. We used to be best friends, but in the last few years, she's gotten unbearable, especially with the new flavor of the month, Vernon. How about we get out into town? Have you ever been into a muggle town, Severus?"

"Of course I have," Severus said, a little bit more harshly than he meant to. "You can't go anywhere in this world without running into the filth of muggles, can you?" Lily raised her eyebrows, and he was quite sure Elise was going to turn purple from anger.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I don't mean to be so horrible, but... I was just brought up- that is, my friends, they-"

"If they jumped off a cliff, would you, Severus?" Lily asked.

"I-well, no."

There was an awkward silence, before Lily brightened up a bit.

"Well, there's a wonderful little coffee shop around the corner. I thought we might go there to talk, what do you think?"

"Sure!" Elise exclaimed, pulling rather harshly on Severus's arm as the three seventeen year olds vacated the room. Lily pushed passed her sister as they burst out into the summer sun. 

Upon arriving at the coffee shop, Severus felt his nose turn up automatically at the teenagers and older women sitting around the windows sipping coffee.

"-I thought about going to the water park with Tony, but my mother said that it was unbecoming of a lady-"

"-Mabel had that boy over again, he's only 62, too, and you know that her oldest son is only ten years younger-"

"-I know Annie, the Beatles have been broken up for a couple of years, but I still think that they are the best band that has ever existed and will ever exist-"

Severus sighed, standing in line behind the girls who were chatting merrily about their summer.

"What kind of coffee do you want?" Elise asked.

"Eh," Severus replied, asking that she order for him. There was so much he could be doing, so many things that he needed to complete before summer ended, and it was much closer to the end of the summer than the beginning.

The three took a seat next to the window and waited for their coffee.

"So, Severus, what have you been doing this summer?"

"Working on an important project for Dumbledore that I should complete around October, I think."

"That sounds interesting. You know, I'm actually doing my thesis in potions as well. I've been meaning to sit down and discuss it with you. It's actually a cross between potions and transfiguration. James has been working on it with me. Ours is a combination spell and potion to transfigure the body and face semi-permanently. It's not anything like polyjuice potion and, if in the wrong hands it could be potentially dangerous, but Dumbledore actually gave me the idea and I've been working rather diligently all summer. What about yours, what are you doing your thesis on?"

"Mine is, well, I don't talk about mine. It's classified for Dumbledore, I can't divulge," Severus replied. He couldn't help but feel jealous, that really was a fantastic thesis project. Actually, he hadn't known that anyone but him was doing a thesis project. He felt a bit pompous however, because he had come to Dumbledore with the idea, the idea had sprung in his head one night and he had gone to Dumbledore.

"So, Dumbledore approached you about it?" he asked.

"Yes. It was rather odd, actually. He told me that I wasn't to discuss it with anyone except you or James. He thought that the two of you could help me I suppose. If you ever wanted to come and take a look at it-"

"Yes, Severus, wouldn't that be nice?" Elise asked. Severus narrowed his eyes.

"I don't work with Potter," Severus spat.

"Well, you don't have to be there with him, I could take you to see it after we finish here, how's that?"

"That's fine," Severus said. Their coffee arrived just then, and Elise and Lily began their girl talk once again.

"So, are you and James getting serious?"

"Well, no, of course not. But I just got the letter earlier today, with our school information, that said that I've been made head girl!"

"That's fantastic Lily! I'm so happy!" Elise exclaimed.

"But you'll never believe this- James is head boy!" Elise's mouth dropped open. Severus felt like he'd been slapped across the face.

"That- imbecile- is head boy? But-but the trouble that he's been in! The school will be in mayhem! What was Dumbledore thinking?"

"Well now, Severus," Lily said, laughing, "he's had his fair share of…annoying…moments. But I actually think that he matured well over the summer. Sirius has been living with him, and he's actually been able to control his behavior. Maybe that's just what Sirius needs to calm him down." Severus was quite distraught with the news, but he could feel Elise's eyes on him and refrained from saying anything else.

"Oh Elise, you must let him speak. I've quite prepared myself today for his biting remarks and cruelness. I'm surprised he hasn't called me a mudblood yet," Lily said. "But believe it or not, through out all of that, I think I see what you see. I think I see the good in him. I think you're right- he's a decent human being." Severus' lip curled slightly after she finished but he said nothing.

"Anyway, so James and I will be head boy and girl, and I think that it's really fantastic that Dumbledore chose him. He really has begun to calm down. Can you believe he actually stopped referring to me as 'Evans?' I think there might be a romantic bone somewhere in his body!" The girls laughed together, but all Severus could think about was the impending doom of James being head boy.

With that nitwit as head boy, he'd let Sirius do whatever he want, and play and pranks or tricks that they wanted to. The whole lot of them. And after the little problem they had last year with Remus, he would have thought that Dumbledore would have banned them from school, not honor James for his supposed valor!

The thought made him absolutely sick. 

The two girls talked for a while more and Severus listened partially, and partially thought about how miserable his last year at Hogwarts could be. He wanted to run off with Elise, start a family, have a house and maybe have the opposite of his shattered home life. One more go around, one more act in the show.

"Severus, you have one of the most positively awful looks on your face! What are you thinking about?" Elise asked.

"Oh, nothing. I uh…I just want to go see Lily's work. Are we almost finished here?" The two girls looked at each other and laughed, and then agreed to leave the nauseating coffee shop.

"My work station is in the basement of my house. Come on, I'd love to show you my work!"

Down the winding wooden steps of the house, Severus saw the potion Lily had been working with all summer. It was a bright orange color, and every once in awhile, two bubbles on opposite sides of the cauldron popped up.

"I think it's important to keep the circulation of air through it. Oxygen and water are actually the two main ingredients, since they are major components of the body's working systems. What we are actually doing is improving on an ancient spell that does the same thing, but the effects are horribly painful, and so it is rarely, if ever, used. The combination of the new transfiguration spell and the potion should keep the person looking as they desire for about a year. Continued dosing should keep the effect up." Lily paused for a second and looked down at her potion.

"Honestly, I don't know why Dumbledore asked me to do it- this should be saved for someone who has years of experience with potions under their belt. But I'll gladly serve for Dumbledore," she finished. Severus nodded.

"Have you done any preliminary testing for it, just yet?" he asked.

"Not yet," she admitted, "mostly because I don't know anyone who would want to change their appearance for a year. I think it's got a few more days left to simmer before I add what I am assuming to be the final ingredient. I've tried two other batches of it, but in the end it turned a nasty yellow color, and with the ingredients I'm adding together, I am predicting it should turn a cool blue color. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong." She sighed.

"Well," Severus said, furrowing his brow as he began to read her ingredients list. "Have you tried stirring clockwise ten times after three hours of the second round of simmering?"

"Yes. That helped last time, but it still didn't turn out."

"How about adding just a bit of the wontil root before you add the last ingredient?" Severus questioned again. "It's a known stabilizer and could be of use."

"You know," Lily said, "I didn't even think about that! I'll try it, leaving about an hour before I add the last one. You're a genius, Severus!" She said. Severus nodded. He was mostly happy to be talking about something that he understood instead of being thrust into a completely different element of which he was not familiar.

Elise smiled warmly at her boyfriend, happy that he had gotten along with her friend for a bit, but just as she had feared, something went terribly wrong in her perfectly planned day.

There was a knock at the top of the basement stairs. Assuming that it was family, Lily yelled that she was working on her project, but that seemingly only invited in the guest. Down the stairs came James Potter in all his glory.

"James!" Lily said, clearly surprised. "I thought you were off to play quidditch today!"

"You know Sirius, he'd rather be off scouting women than flying in the air. I- what is he doing here?" he asked rather rudely. Severus' eyes narrowed in disgust.

"_I_ was just leaving. I was helping with your little project, and now that that is finished, I'll be taking my leave."

"No, Severus, you don't have to go," Lily said, and Elise clutched his arm, pleading with him to stay.

"Thank you for your time, ladies. But I must be on my way. I don't work…with _him_," Severus finished, suddenly apparating away from the house.

A few minutes later, Elise followed behind him. He'd already made himself at home on the sofa, awaiting the tongue lashing he was about to receive from his well-meaning girlfriend.

"Severus…why can't you just try and get along with James?" Elise asked, sitting next to Severus.

"Because he won't get along with me. I just don't want to waste my time with him. Lily's one thing, she's smart, she's always been helpful and friendly. He's always been a menace, and as long as I live I will never reason with James Potter."

Elise sighed and put her arm around her boyfriend.

"Well, I can't ask much more of you, can I? You did wonderful today, after that rather awkward beginning. You stuck with it, and you really helped Lily out. Believe me, she's been complaining about that potion for days, and I didn't know what to tell her!"

Severus smiled and brushed the hair out of Elise's face.

"I'm sorry I'm such an embarrassment to you," he said half seriously, but not in a malicious way.

"Oh, Severus, you're not an embarrassment to me. I understand that these are not the people you normally associate with, and I guess I can be thankful that you put up such an effort like you did." She laid her head back against his arm, snuggling against his chest.

"All I can ask for is your cooperation, and you tried. And I love you for it, and when you were talking about all that potion stuff…when you were doing all that thinking…you looked awfully sexy."

"I did, did I?" he asked coyly, shifting his body toward her.

"You did, as you do now. What am I going to do when we go back to Hogwarts, and I can't spend every waking minute with you?"

"Go absolutely mad. Meet secretly for secrete shagging sessions." Elise laughed at him.

"One can only hope."

Later that evening, tucked safely in bed, Severus watched the steady rise and fall of Elise's chest. She was beautiful in every sense of the world, an angel against a backdrop of unrest. He reflected on the day, the shaky morning with Lily, the playful afternoon with Elise, and decided his life was perfect. Soon school would be upon them, their final year, and then he'd be able to break free, be able to ask Elise's hand in marriage.

He wouldn't let James being head boy ruin his year. Nothing would be able to upset his hopes for the future.

Nothing would take his hope away.


End file.
